Part of the process

Crystal Palace 3 Queens Park Rangers 1

Queens Park Rangers 1 Everton 2

I was going to title this post 'Dad is always right'. But I changed my mind and decided to use something he said to me as we walked to the car after today's match against Everton instead. Obviously, we are as distressed and depressed as other QPR fans tonight. Sunday evening blues just got even worse.

I've been wondering about what's wrong with us. I don't think it's the same problem as the season before last. Our biggest problem then was lack of spirit and passion. We were carrying several players who neither cared or liked QPR. It isn't perfect in that department now, but it's probably the best we could hope for, for a small club based in London, with, frankly, not a lot of glamour to offer. So tactically, earlier this year, I thought it was our defence. We had injuries and it was all going rather pear-shaped.  Then I started wondering about our mid field (too slow, lacking creativity), but Fer started to shine...Last week at Palace even the thought of Austin losing his mojo and getting frustrated entered my mind.

But Everton weren't good today. So what went wrong? For the most part we were hoofing the ball, making some sloppy mistakes at the back and midfield... and again we looked like we lacked pace everywhere (even though we had all our fast players on the pitch). I just couldn't break it down in my head. But my ever-intelligent father summed it up on that walk down South Africa Road. The difference in spite of the fact that Everton do not have the strike power that we have, is that they managed to break from midfield a hell of a lot better than we could. Or, to put it more depressingly, they managed to break at all, and when they did they had not only their forwards in the box, but two or three of their mid field. We were too predictable because we are just far to slow and not creative enough to move forward positively on the break. We stop, we look around and pass it to either of the two strikers who are the only ones in or near the box. And by then the opposition are well prepared defensively. So, it wasn't until Vargas and Taarabt came on that the ignition was turned on. And by then, of course, it was too late. It simply has to be like that from the start, and we need to be the first to score. Fat chance of that happening in future matches.

My mood is relatively unforgiving today.

I said to Dad 'I really don't think I can cope with watching the remaining matches this season, I'd rather know now for sure that we're relegated'. Roll on Fish Bits of Doncaster (if they get promoted from League One this season), and the great delights of Wigan pies (if they don't get relegated). But Dad said 'You cannot say that, it's like a wound. It's painful and it hurts because it's healing, you've got to take it because it's part of the process'.

Well, tonight I feel like passing on the process to be honest. But he is probably right. Even though I can't see any healing going on, he did say 2 minutes before Zamora scored on May 24, 2014, that he thought we would nick it. And Dad is (almost) always right.

Losing Hoop

Sunderland 0 Queens Park Rangers 2

Hull City 2 Queens Park Rangers 1

Queens Park Rangers 1 Arsenal 2

Queens Park Rangers 1 Tottenham Hotspur 2

I admit, I've been terribly neglectful of this blog in recent weeks. And I feel bad about it because amidst it all we did have our first win away, and I felt as if the hostage situation I thought we had put ourselves in had somehow been lifted. Going away to Hull soon after I was realistic and didn't necessarily expect back to back wins. But then losing to Arsenal after outplaying them for so long, and then losing to Spurs to the same scoreline and suffering the slings and arrows of another poor ref...I'm feel like I'm now losing my general sense of positivity.

At the last two home games I couldn't help but hope for some of the magic that we experienced 3 years ago when we began that amazing home form beating all the big teams - Arsenal, Spurs, Liverpool...But alas, it really doesn't look like it's to be...and like many others I am losing hope of survival. But is it groundhog day? i.e.. is it as bad as the last time we were relegated or are we in a different place.

I'll be honest, I don't have the energy to analyse this in any great detail and I'm not sure how much value that would truly bring. But I do know that, despite a few dissenting voices about the club and its management, we're in a place where our owners are genuine, if naive and are richer than anyone else we've had before which frankly counts for a lot nowadays. That is the reality of where we are.

And weirdly, although I am down about it all this weekend, I don't feel as depressed as I did two seasons ago. What was so hard then was the attitude that permeated the players. I can't imagine us ever playing with so little passion and pride ever again and I am glad we haven't seen that for a long time. Obviously, we've seen Barton lash out again. That disappointed all of us, and made all Barton-haters feel vindicated. I am not defending him for his actions but I have some empathy. In the little sport that I did play (Hockey, C team, lost every game but one which I think was a draw), I was always extremely passionate and did experience the occasional bit of red mist myself. And in life, there is nothing I hate more than cheats and people who are unfair to those who are less experienced - that's when my temper does come out. So if Barton is telling the truth (and why would he lie about why?), I get it. I do...but it truly does SUCK for us that this is the case and is far too much of a liability for us to carry.

Where to now? One thing I do like, and I think many others do to, is that we've started to see some of our youngsters come through under Ramsay. They've done really really well and I certainly feel proud about that. What I am confused about though is that less than a year ago we were hearing that these guys weren't ready- and it wasn't just Harry saying that but Birch, Gallen etc...so what changed? Or would it be fair to say that within that year they did make some real progress. Possible, given their age.

After the match as I waited for my Dad to give me a lift home (thank you Dad!), I was pretty sure I was stood next to Greece Grego-Cox's friend and family. They were all standing outside calling everyone on their phones beaming and telling them about how they couldn't believe when they saw Reece take his bib off in readiness to get on the pitch to replace Sandro. They were so happy and excited, and I remembered why I love QPR so much. If I were a Chelscum fan, or an Arsewipe fan, would I be standing outside the ground hearing the same thing from the same people? I saw from Andy Watkins' tweet yesterday that Reece is a local boy too. That makes it even sweeter.

They were all wearing half n' half scarves and I thought 'Oh no, how awful'. But when I got home and thought about it, I realised just how cool it really was. Of course they would get a half n' half scarf to celebrate the first game that their brother, son or boyfriend had played for QPR in the Premier League. Crikey, I might have bought twenty if I were Reece's mum.

Maybe I'm not losing that much hope after all. And I'll always be a hoop.

Hostage Situation

Stoke City 3 Queens Park Rangers 1

Queens Park Rangers 0 Southampton 1

It's coming up to the tenth anniversary of my mother's death. The exact date will be two days before the trip up north to Hull. Time has flown since then it feels like it was only yesterday when I decided to pack my bags and move my life to the Philippines to take care of her while she was ill. And I remember so well the strange feeling of freedom to be able to make my own decisions at that point -early working life in London made me feel like a hamster in a cage and I was lucky enough to find the opportunity to work in Manila as well. It was a great chance to learn and to challenge myself. But little did I know when I came back to London in 2005 after she died, how much I'd let myself be a hostage in my grief for such a long time. It has only been in recent years that I have finally felt the ability to be able to move on and QPR has been a huge part of that. 

I am reading a book called 'Hostage at the Table' by George Kohlrieser. It's a business/leadership book about overcoming conflict and influencing others to raise performance. At least, that's what the cover says. Kohlrieser, a psychologist by profession, used to help the police in hostage situations. And in the book he uses real-life examples of hostage negotiations to illustrate points around managing general conflict issues in the work place. In a nutshell the theory is that we can make ourselves feel like hostages to our own situations, or sometimes others can take us hostage. There are a number of ways that can take us out of that feeling but ultimately, it is within our power to either survive (i.e. Stokholm syndrome), or take ourselves out of a situation with positive focus using mind's-eye. It's a fascinating read. As you read through the examples the lessons do seem so obvious. For me though, knowing the answers doesn't always make problems easy to overcome. And of course, I can't help but think about this in the context of our club and what is happening right now. 

What a few weeks it has been. We had a strange 2 week break, followed by an inevitable loss away...an event-less transfer deadline day and then the resignation of Harry which, with hindsight, seemed bound to happen. Before that point, it seemed as if the primary thing that was keeping QPR hostage was this awful inability to win away. We were all so annoyed with Harry when he used the 'knee' as an excuse but I have a feeling that we would have found fault in anything that he would have announced. Redknapp, in the end, had to take himself out of the hostage situation he had built himself in everything that he was or wasn't doing to manage the team appropriately, leaving the rest of us still hoping the team wouldn't continue its current poor form. 

Like many I was excited about today. I enjoyed Chris Ramsay's press conference yesterday. It was refreshing to see someone a bit bubbly and humorous. I was hoping that a cloud would have been lifted especially when I saw the team sheet - one with real pace and some creativity. Although, there was one thing sorely lacking and that was another striker to partner Austin who once again looked rudderless and alone and who once again had to sit back and defend along with the 5 other defenders already on the pitch!

I enjoyed a lot of the game and I honestly believed that perhaps we would be the ones to nick that goal in the dying minutes. I have this superstition that if one of the ST holders that sits near me leaves before the end of the match, we have a good chance of scoring a goal. This happened today so I was really hopeful right until the end. I really wanted it for the team, more than for me- if that makes sense. Because now that I'm reading this book, I'm petrified that they have put themselves under this cloud of the fear of losing even at home because of what has been happening away. I suspect it's a little bit like that feeling that you get sometimes when it comes to relationships - where you have this huge fear of failing or losing that person that you simply aren't able to move on and enjoy it for what it already is. I can't imagine how awful it must feel to be trapped in that way, or to not be scoring goals (it's now been quite a few games since Charlie scored...). 

I suppose the truth is that there are no magical answers or solutions. Some say the problem we have is indicative of deeper problems off the pitch in the club and it's operations. But do we honestly believe that a change of owners will make things better just like that? Are we not also guilty of placing blame on one easy target simply because we are unable to articulate clearly what we would do if we were actually in charge? It's true, there are issues in so many levels, and Neville's article on this published a few weeks ago points to some of these. Trevor Sinclair also talked about something being 'fundamentally' wrong with QPR but even he was excited about the match today as we saw from his tweets today. A few weeks back he said: 'When I was at QPR it was a family club with a fantastic tradition of developing lower league players and I'm not seeing that anymore.'. He's right, we have now lost that tradition of developing lower league players...But I'd challenge him on QPR no longer being a family club. 

We do have our problems even within our own fan base, as I mentioned on the QPR Podcast earlier in January it sometimes feels like we're a little disjointed and for such a small club we do have so many supporters groups. But despite the different opinions and some of the petty warring that we see, we're still at the heart, fans who aren't in it for the glory hunting or just for the wins. We're in it for the passion, for the friends and the family that we have made around us. You could argue that we've all made ourselves hostage to a club where we give so much and yet where it sometimes seems we get so little in return. 

Tonight I'm 'unrecording' Match Choice, and I doubt I'll be watching Match of the Day. But I'm still thankful that QPR has been an anchor in my life when sometimes everything else has felt tough. But, as my neighbour Terry sitting next to me said today 'Even if all other 91 clubs decided to make entry to their games free I would still pay to come and watch QPR'. 

Kohlrieser talks about something called a 'secure base'. Something we can hold on to in times of trouble and conflict. For all the problems I think we've got one, and it's time that our players believed that too. 

Tourists

Queens Park Rangers 0 Manchester Utd 2

Most of us are fuming after yesterday. No, we didn't play badly. In fact we put up a gutsy performance. A couple of strange tactical decisions - Niko & Taraabt on, and no sign of Zarate. But the ultimate result, which really wasn't a surprise, only gave us more fuel to add to the fire.

But life is full of ironies. So many of us dislike Harry and want him out, and yet he's the one who managed us through promotion last season- albeit under fortuitous circumstances. Many of us absolutely hated Zamora, and yet he will likely remain a QPR legend for his goal at Wembley. We also laugh at Harry Redknapp's comments about a 'mole' and yet we spend countless hours surmising on what's going on at the club with our own conspiracy theories.

Yesterday I was hoping we would win, of course. But at the very least I was also hoping that we might make Loftus Road a scary place to be with lots of songs and chants. We all saw the ticket prices going up on Viagogo for up to £1,000. I stood in a lift at work with a 'southern red' whose friend had traded in his Cirque du Soleil tickets for two seats at the home end. Alas, the atmosphere that I've witnessed before when we play Chelsea was nowhere to be seen mostly because of these things. Poor old Dave who was selling a special edition of A Kick up the Rs struggled to hold his patch as people sold half n' half scarves, more expensive tickets and 'Match Attack' cards. It was all so carnival-like - and not in a nice way. I did feel pretty angry, as did others. It felt as if our very own Loftus Road- the only place QPR fans can truly feel some ownership of something- was taken away from us for a few hours. I got annoyed with the ten or so fans who spent 20 minutes before the match in the front row of C block with their iphones out taking videos of Rooney and Falcao. I felt a little irritated listening to the Japanese fans who were sat behind me in the first half. And even this 'banter' video from Cheeky Sport barely spoke to any QPR fans about the match Cheeky Sport at QPR. So many had walked out after the second goal and were well on their way home.

But today I feel guilty. Selfie sticks are responsible for making me feel that way.

I saw my first selfie stick when I had a weekend away in Berlin last April. My cousins from the Philippines brought them along and we had so much fun playing with it. Before long I had received one with a bluetooth remote control and I brought it to Loftus Road for our first game of the season taking pics on South Africa Road, in the Springbok, at the bar inside and at my seat! Little did I know that months later it would become such a 'controversial' item. Spurs and Manchester Utd have officially banned selfie sticks from the ground and at least once I day I see a fellow QPR fan moaning on twitter about seeing selfie-sticks. The other day someone said something about not seeing them last season when we played Barnsley. I'm just sorry I couldn't reply and say it would have been me if he did...For while United claim that the ban is for safety reasons (a stick = pole or another such dangerous item that us hooligans will use), for many the selfie stick has just become another symbol representing that scary thought of 'foreigners' and 'tourists' taking over our country and taking over football. It has allowed people to be racist without even saying the word.

It is ironic, given that the British are the Lousiest Tourists in the World according to a Vice article written in 2013. When we go abroad we tend to be culturally ignorant, snobby and disrespectful. And according to a study by the British Foreign Office, over 6,000 tourists found themselves behind bars on holiday, and over 3,000 in casualty. When you look at it that way, it's far more embarrassing than a selfie stick, half n' half scarf, or a few innocent iphone videos, isn't it?

I'm not saying it's fun when Loftus Road is that way. But it's hardly going to kill us.You can shout at the club about the viagogo relationship, or the touts outside, or the tourists that buy the seats. But it's only us who are selling our seats. And boy can we moan about it and blame everything and anything except ourselves.

As for yesterday's match. we worked hard but I still maintain two things: we're not good enough at the back (LB in particular) and everyone else (bar Charlie) is still not playing to maximum ability. Trevor Sinclair, retired and 42 years old, pointed out on twitter that he could run around way more than anyone else at QPR that he saw on the pitch yesterday. Harry's excuses and attitude are both hugely irritating but other than some strange tactical moves throughout the game I'm struggling to find other faults or anything that I would have done differently.

But what do I know? I'm only a girl who writes a blog who isn't really from West London, who travels loads and loves QPR.

Media Blackout...

Queens Park Rangers 1 Swansea City 1

Queens Park Rangers 0 Sheffield Utd 3 (FA Cup 3rd round)

Burnley 2 Queens Park Rangers 1

After the poor result at Burnley I virtually lost the will to live and gave myself a 36 hour media blackout. However, I was pleasantly surprised to be invited to the QPR Podcast this week where you can hear most about what I think about QPR shenanigans.

You can download on itunes, or click on the following link: Toronto Connection and listen to us talk to Daniel Dichio and generally moan.

All the best,
Emily

Emily's Top Moments of 2014

Everton 3 Queens Park Rangers 1

Queens Park Rangers 3 WBA 2

Arsenal 2 Queens Park Rangers 1

Queens Park Rangers 0 Crystal Palace 0

This year has been a strange year for QPR supporters. Most of us have felt that for the most part we haven't performed at our best, and yet we made it in to the Premiership in May, and sit 15th in the table as we close the year off. When you look at it that way, everything, it would seem, is going to plan- even though some would argue otherwise. For who cares if one is achieving if one doesn't aim for the very highest?

But rather than agonise over the whys and wherefores, here's a list of my top moments of 2014 to bring some joy during this festive time.

#5 Barnsley vs QPR and my search for Niko

At this stage we were already assured of a playoff place, so Barnsley away was an odd game to go to with nothing to play for against an already relegated team. I chose this as one of my top 5 moments because it was a wonderful day out with friends- Steve, Ben and co.. Whilst I believe that Doncaster does house one of the best fish n' chips places I've been to, Barnsley's local chippy - a ten minute walk away from the ground also serves some of the most superb fish n' chips I've ever had. I will also remember this game for my mischievous search for Niko. My friend Gary had given me a copy of the book 'Footballers Haircuts' which I was holding on to for most of the season. He gave it to me because he had noticed that Niko Kranjcar had his own copy and I was desperate to have it signed by him. I had waited for Niko before and after matches at home and away several times to have it signed, but had failed on every occasion, by either being too early or too late, or waiting at the wrong exit. At Barnsley, I tried to find the players' entrance/exit after the game and walked around the whole ground. I ended up inadvertently in front of the security barrier and right behind the team bus. I felt like a right mug and ran as quick as I could to safety to avoid being busted as a freaky stalker. It did make me think though that we're pretty good at Loftus Road at allowing fans access to players without much fuss. At Barnsley of all places- it was impossible to get anywhere close to the players unless you did what I did...

Despite my lack of success (I eventually got my signed book this season!), I did get a wonderful gift from Mr/Captain Shouty of Niko's actual shirt that he wore on the day. Sadly, it had already been washed once I received it but a few mud stains remain and I have worn it to bed a couple of times. Thank you Mr Shouty! (not a stalker promise!).


#4 Charlie Austin's first QPR hat-trick (vs WBA)

It was only a matter of time before Charlie would score a hat-trick, and what a time to do it coming up to the half way point of the season in the Premier League. He is really on fire and continues to be one of my favourite players - apart from the obvious goal-scoring record he has a great attitude and is a team player. It's just great to see his name up there, miles away from any other English player in the PL. I truly hope this is only the beginning of our love affair with this great striker.

#3 QPR vs Nottingham Forest: 5-2 win

We still haven't broken our record for playing away at Forest (unbelievable that we've never won there), but this goals-galore of a game was great fun and a rare occasion for QPR fans having lived through several single-goal games in during the 2013-2014 season. This was also one of my favourite games because old friends had joined me that day who I had not seen for many years. In addition, we presented a very large cheque to the Tiger Cubs for the Tiger Feet Walk to Charlton.

Presenting the Tiger Cubs cheque before the match

#2 QPR vs Wigan Playoff semi-final second leg

After a goalless draw away I don't think any of us doubted this game was going to be action-packed. The club had done well to generate lots of excitement and it was a great idea to have us all holding up blue and white sheets as the team entered the pitch. It was everything a playoff semi-final should be - it had teeming rain, goals, extra time and plenty of spirit (thank you Steve Black). We also reached a point where many could achieve their long-awaited dream of running on to the pitch with very little risk of arrest whilst those in the upper tiers tutted away...

#1 Derby vs QPR Playoff final at Wembley

It is no surprise that this is my favourite moment of 2014. The Bobster will be forever remembered on fans' hearts and I will never forget how my step mum went to the loo in the dying minutes to miss the goal, and how my Dad was convinced we'd score a last-minute winner. I'll never forget how my local in Willesden Green became a QPR pub for a day, and how the song 'Happy' kept skipping as we celebrated our amazing win at Wembley. I'll never forget how expensive the beer was, and how long it took to get to the tube station after the match. Many people, including QPR fans believe it was an undeserved win but I will always beg to differ. Goals win games and we scored the only one. I'll take that win proudly in exchange for all the other terrible stuff we've had to go through in the past.

As we look forward to a tough home fixture against Swansea on New Year's Day, here's a big thank you to friends for making this a fun year. And a no-thanks to the anti selfie-stick xenophobic boo-boys and the Harry/Fernandes out conspiracy theorists. Let's all step back a little and look at the bigger picture and remember the good times QPR has given us.

On that note, I'd like to offer quiet prayer for Air Asia and the passengers of QZ8501. If we truly are a QPR family, now is the time to show it.

Five Things

Swansea 2 Queens Park Rangers 0

Queens Park Rangers 2 Burnley 0

It's getting to that time of year where I can no longer feel my fingers when I'm walking outside and where I wear my extremely 'sexy' thick socks in bed. Home comforts become ever more appealing as deep winter sets in. It's also one of my favourite times of the year for football, as it is for so many - there is more time to spend with friends and family, with so much action to absorb.

The last few weeks have been an interesting study in human psychology. We've continued a pretty decent run of form at home, with disastrous away results which naturally means we become slightly schizophrenic. It's a meltdown one day and elation the next, with several who just continue to moan as is their habit regardless of the result, and somewhere in the background a few conspiracy theorists who believe dark forces have always been behind the club condemning us to eternal damnation. Wouldn't it be boring though if we didn't have such a melee of opinions?

I'd like to think I sit on the more positive side of opinion, and perhaps that's simply because I just don't need football to make me depressed - surely we've all got enough on our plates to want to make things even more complicated? I do realise it isn't always easy, since we are all so passionate about football and about our club. I also appreciate that the Christmas season isn't always the most happy of seasons for many (ironically), and so I've compiled what I hope is a helpful list of five things to do to cheer you up or keep yourself busy, whether QPR win or lose each of the five games we've got between now and New Year's Day.

1. Wear a Christmas jumper

A simple but effective strategy for bringing Christmas joy and laughter to yourself and others by making yourself look as silly as possible. The QPR club shop has a QPR version of this which I think is fantastic value for money as it kills two birds with one stone. I have been reliably informed by retail specialist @gemcricketmad that the Christmas stock this year is the same as 2013, so some may be disappointed with the lack of imagination. But I'll still be wearing mine to Arsenal away on Boxing Day.  And don't forget, the 12th December is also Christmas Jumper Day for Save the Children- so get wearing and get donating for a worthy cause.

QPR's Christmas Jumper, on sale at the club shop

2. Lie back and think of Charlie

Okay, I don't really mean it in 'that' way, but what I do mean is that while we've had some disappointing results, we MUST revel in the joy that is our very own very real striker. Something that we have not had for a very very long time. Can I say very again? Probably, as Charlie is not only a very great player, but he is also a very very nice person. A little shy, but we like our players to be more humble than obtuse. And so far every time I or any one else I know have met him, he has been very simply very friendly.

3. Start a petition against EA Games

I'm not a gamer. I think the last computer game I got addicted to was Tetris on the Sega Megadrive during my GCSEs. However, it is my understanding that FIFA is a huge game, and therefore must have pretty high production standards. I saw the QPR video with EA Games when they came in to scan Ned, Rob and SWP...I thought the likeness achieved was amazing! I heard that Niko was not there when the scans were done, but I am nonetheless stunned by the alternative option and artist impression (see below my tweet to EA Games). Who is the man on the left and why is he wearing a QPR shirt? I am at best offended, and at worst, horrified. I have a feeling this picture of Teen Wolf 2 was drawn by an envious male but cannot be sure. Anyone else interested in launching something on change.org?

4. Enjoy others have a meltdown

Ever since Manchester Utd stopped being 'top dog', the league has actually become rather interesting. It would be fair to say that it's still the same 6/7 clubs that hover at the top, with the rest struggling at the bottom. But, within the 6/7 there's lots of movement and no one is quite sure what will happen. So let's revel in the uncertainty of others. I mean, we think we have a meltdown when we lose but check out Arsenal fan Claude's meltdown after losing away to Stoke. Evil I know, but so so so funny.

5. Watch QPR Tunnel Cam

As discussed yesterday at the White Horse I do wonder whether the audience for the exquisitely put together Tunnel Cam is predominantly women. After all, during warmer months it is an opportunity to see a few tops whipped off, and for some close-ups of Niko and Charlie. To be fair though- there may be plenty of men with man-crushes...and to be really really fair, I do think Tunnel Cam brings you just about the right amount of behind-the-scenes access to bring you the magic of football without being too obtrusive and still leaving an air of mystery. Now at ten minutes long, you get to see the team sheet exchange, the players give each other instructions (like Niko saying to Barton 'don't go beyond me like you would if I was playing on the left'), fancy food being carried in to the dressing room post-match and Steve Black greeting all the players. And the good news is, it's only done when we have a good draw or a win, so there's never really anything to be to upset about.

So I hope you find some of these activities enjoyable, and wish you all a lovely week as we celebrate another great home win.

You RRRssss