Two things

Queens Park Rangers 2 Bolton 1

Queens Park Rangers 3 Burnley 3

A quick one for everyone. Two important things are happening in the coming weeks - alongside the Derby match @gemcricketmad and I are going to be hosting an alternative commentary show LIVE on http://mixlr.com/elmodedude/. Please don't expect professional or serious commentary. Only fans with a sense of humour and an appetite for totally biased commentary need join!

In addition, before the Charlton game several of us are going to make a 14 mile walk from Loftus Road to the Valley to raise money for the very special Tiger Cubs. If you don't already know what they do please take a look here: http://www.dsactive.org/teams/qpr-tiger-cubs/

And please do be generous and sponsor us on this website: Virgin Money Tiger Feet 5

I wish you all a lovely weekend, and thanks for all the support.

Emily

Football is a family

This weekend QPR didn't play. Being out of the FA Cup and having fixtures moved around to suit other teams and TV this was going to be a weekend free of disappointment and the need to critique, yet again, a miserably deteriorating team.

Thames Water, who I have an ongoing complaint with had made me stay in yet again this Saturday afternoon to install a meter. However, I did feel as if God had shined down upon me a little when I saw the line up of sports available to me from about 12 noon - FA cup ties, followed by three matches of rugby - the final one overlapping the Tottenham/Bolton FA Cup game. The chap who installed the meter noticed the sport on TV and had a little chat with me about how he thought none of our new players were really premiership players - who did he support? Millwall? In any case...things were getting on as they do on a fairly lazy Saturday afternoon.

After watching Wales' great victory, I decided to choose the football game over the next rugby game as I didn't feel there was a lot to play for, for England - obviously ignoring the fact that playing for pride can mean a lot.

And 41 minutes in to the Tottenham game I had my back to the TV as I was preparing some food - there was this strange sort of silence around the ground. This wasn't the normal sound you hear when a player goes down injured. It was almost immediate, and I stopped what I was doing and saw what was probably the most sad, and shocking thing I've seen in a long time - not just at a football game - but ever. Muamba's collapse in the middle of the pitch came completely out of the blue and because we saw the distress of the players of both teams around him it was obvious to everyone that this was really and truly serious. As the camera panned round to the fans around White Hart Lane you could see people's fear and anguish in their eyes. There were fans in tears. And everyone just stood in silence, save for a few chants of Muamba's name from both sets of fans.

As a QPR and a big supporter of football, and just 'as me' I pray that Muamba makes a safe recovery and survives.

Also, I am extremely touched and feel a little vindicated about the football community. Recently there has been (even among our small group of QPR fans), some debate, blogs and tweets about being PC or not PC, banter, homophobia, racism...what's acceptable, what's not. Even people saying we don't care if people don't like us QPR fans. All of this is light-hearted on the surface. But in my opinion, points to our need to identify ourselves and an important stage in how we develop. The simple fact that fans are even blogging and talking about these things is likely a world away from how we behaved a fifty or so years ago...probably even twenty years ago...While I appreciate some of the comments my esteemed blogger thisismyengland has made, I don't think that we're really that archaic. Maybe I'm naive.

Events like what happened yesterday puts things in to perspective, as everyone has said. But I would argue, that football is important in our lives and it certainly isn't trivial. Why? Because it's a reflection of who we are. And the way fans behaved yesterday negates all the things that people say about the footballing community. People there showed extreme respect and for me reflected utterly what is wonderful about us, and wonderful about England. And this is from someone who was born abroad and has only one half British, and I choose to call this place my very beloved home.

Muamba's family chose to call England their home. I am not entirely familiar with his story but I am hearing from news reports and seeing online that this is a life that has faced challenges that most of us would never even have in our nightmares. The Democratic Republic of Congo is one of the most dangerous places in the world, and has a sad history. How everyone is behaving right now (apart from a handful of twitter idiots), is a reflection of how far we actually have come as a society. We constantly lambaste ourselves for our behaviour but I've always believed that when it comes to critical junctures we tend to do the right thing.

It is not only Muamba's life that has seen suffering though.  Life brings us all tough challenges and when a new one comes along things don't get easier, but the hope is that we are better equipped to face them than the last time around. In my twitter family I found out about Cosmo, a six week old boy who has suffered a massive heart attack. His father is a QPR fan and other fans have rallied round to try to raise money and awareness for what he has suffered. You can donate to help on this Justgiving page, and follow his progress on twitter @gtrafford.


In this day for families called 'Mothers Day', I also thank whoever is up there for making me a part of many great families.

Human Technology

Bolton 2 Queens Park Rangers 1

Another week, another loss. Seems that I decided to launch this blog at a bad time. What was light banter and nerves on twitter amongst the fans this morning has now turned in to little spats and lots of understandable anger and disappointment.

Today I was gutted not to be able to make the trip up to Bolton with the fifteen hundred or so Rangers fans. I was waiting for the lovely Thames Water to install a metre at my flat between the convenient hours of 1-5pm. And guess what? They never turned up. I will be having words on Monday morning. And considering this was in response to an already filed complaint I have with them I already feel sorry for the person that will be at the end of the line.

As I had a late one last night I had a nap straight after the match and having since woken (it's now nearly 7pm) I've decided not to look at the league table as it will only make me sad.

Most fans tend to believe that we just aren't good enough and that's why we are losing. And of course, that makes logical sense. At the end of the day the results speak for themselves. But does it really make sense? And why do I have such a feeling uncertainty, as opposed to just pure disappointment?

They say that at a certain level of professional athletics, that the difference between the winner of a race and everyone else is the self belief that they will win. It isn't even a case of thinking they might, or they can, but knowing that the will. And I can believe that, when you're talking about the best of the best - those that make it to the final of the 100m race. Their bodies are trained and honed to the most incredible levels and we can see with our very own eyes that physically there is little to separate the finalists. We're really talking in hundredths of a second. For my own self-worth I like to believe that about the things I do in my life. I like to think that if I have a positive mental attitude and believe I can do something, that I can do it. Every year I swim the Thames in the London Triathlon and last year I finally completed a sprint distance without crashing on my bike (which has happened twice and quite dangerously). While I do not consider myself in any way a serious athlete (absolutely far from it!), I do think it was the belief that I could finally complete the race unscathed that allowed me to do so.

However, consider Usain Bolt. The fact that he is just so physically formidable and incomparable to anyone else who has ever raced, and the fact that even when he doesn't really push himself sometimes and still wins...does make you think that sometimes, people are just really good and it doesn't even require an effort to believe because, well...that's just the way it is. That seems to be (for some people) the 'explanation' for our failures against 'better' teams at the moment.

But consider this: take away all the arguments about the fact that this is still a 'new team', that hasn't had the time to settle in... and really, we're talking about a group of players, each of them with an amazing pedigree. It felt good today when I watched Sky Sports and heard Gary Neville talk about the quality of our squad. But alas, the result would point to the fact that they just aren't playing very well. And indeed most fans believe we have a team of under performers. You know what? It's true. We dominated large parts of the game,  and while we arguably should have finished with a draw if that Clint Hill goal was not disallowed, we didn't take the chances that a team that believes it will win really should have taken. So although I don't agree that we played badly, I do think that a winning team takes the chances that it should and the difference between us and Bolton was purely psychological.

Then again, maybe it's because this is a situation none of us have ever been in before. All components are new: not just new team, but new owners, new management, new league (a Premier league which is at a completely different level to the one we left 16 years ago), and even some new fans.  All of these things impact on how people think, feel, and ultimately behave. I know as fans, we all say that we'll be there if we go down and of course we'll continue to support the Rs, but I am really enjoying (albeit somewhat masochistically) the Premiership life: all the coverage, the battles and passion that surrounds it - whether we are winning or losing. So for those fans that were at Euston this evening abusing the players as they arrived back - do you honestly think that behaviour is actually going to help your team perform better next time? All it does is make us look like thuggish supporters, and apart from it being an embarrassment it simply negative and it 'ain't' going to help the team psychologically.

I look forward to hearing from fellow blogger This is my England about what happened at the station. But the event leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

To end on a lighter note. It's been a lovely week for 'bonding' with the rest of the better fans. I've had so much fun this with the QPR twitter community. A big thanks out to @qprtillidie1882 for their great Thursday night quiz on Facebook. I was so engrossed in answering the questions that I apparently missed a legendary Messi performance (bothered?). And I've found some QPRPinoy QPR fans community. So for all the readers from the Philippines who are interested do contact me @elmodedude and let's see what we can do to help build up Rangers support.

All these wonderful interactions wouldn't be possible without the technology that we have today. If only the FA would hurry up with a very simple type of technology that could have made all the difference on another pretty rough day.