Fate or fortune

Queens Park Rangers 2 Blackburn Rovers 2
Hull City 1 Queens Park Rangers 1
Fulham 4 Queens Park Rangers 0
Queens Park Rangers 4 Bolton Wanderers 3
Birmingham City 2 Queens Park Rangers 1
Queens Park Rangers 0 Sheffield Wednesday 0
Queens Park Rangers 3 MK Dons 0
Brentford 1  Queens Park Rangers 0

Firstly, I must make a massive apology for not writing a post for so long. I always knew that travel plans would mean I'd miss some games...so I listened to many of the earlier ones from abroad. Fulham away was listened to for one very exciting minute (the remaining 44 being very depressing) on the wifi of Turkish Airlines during an 11 hour flight from Hong Kong to Istanbul. Needless to say I had the great excuse of being too tired and jet lagged to really be able to concentrate on the 2nd half so at 3-0 down I switched off and slept.

Looking at the results above just as a plain list without any context it's pretty hard to find any real rhyme, reason or pattern there. I guess except to say that perhaps we've stopped leaking too many goals- thanks probably to the inclusion of Clint Hill in the squad and Warnock in his suspicious 'advisory' role. And I guess for me it's emblematic of how I've been feeling about things lately. Sometimes it's easy to be fatalistic about things, often it's romantic notions that make me lean that way. But sometimes things just happen and there isn't a whole lot of decent explanation why.

It's been a crazy few weeks and I've missed most of the above games both home and away which is rare for me. As I said, initially due to travel but more recently after coming back from the Philippines I was hit, unknowingly at first, with Dengue fever. Having been admitted quickly in to hospital after a visit to the GP I was frightened as hell having not spent any time in hospital since I was 8 years old when I had my adenoids taken out. So I've spent the last 2 weeks ill, being prodded, tested and then diagnosed with Dengue, and the last week thankfully recovering at home. Dengue in general isn't dangerous but it can kill and there is no immunisation as yet. And I never in a million years thought I might get it because I've never really been one to get mosquito bites and I've spent several years travelling back and forth from Asia...and was born there. But Dengue can happen to anyone, not just 'travellers'. As they say 's*** happens'.

Having spent, for the first time in many years,  so many games listening from far away or in a sick bed - and not being able to see much action in the flesh, it's been so hard to get a real sense of what has been going on. And again looking at the list of results it's almost as if the only explanation I can give for the rather random set of numbers, is that s** is seriously happening. Scientific I know (and just the rational report you've been waiting for from me!).

Seriously though, I talk about the defensive improvements that have been made. But having been able to watch the Brentford game on telly last night, and from everything I am seeing on twitter and hearing from friends, it looks as if we've made a bit of an assumption that our issue has been defence. But in our over subscribed mid field I am seeing gaping issues and a lack of creativity. Henry, weirdly for me, is a great defensive midfielder for the Premier League, but in a league where we should have a bit more attacking scope why aren't we seeing a bit more of Faurlin? And last night's subs confused me- Chery off for Austin, and Luongo for Hoilett? I'm no tactician but why are we removing our hope for midfield creativity. Henry and Tozser are just not cutting it for me right now. And what is Gladwin doing back at Swindon? Random random random...

Having been a bonkers year for me which I am not sure I could have predicted on New Year's Eve 2014, I can only say that I am unable to provide any predictions for QPR and what is to come. What I can say for sure though is that the last few weeks have helped me to remember all the important things. Family, friends and QPR have all been very sweet and and whilst it was touch and go on how serious my illness at one point, it's not a jot on some of the things some of my dearest friends have been through this year. So I am very grateful and a little embarrassed by the attention.

Our performances of late (regardless of results), have certainly been disappointing, but I am still extremely proud of supporting a club with players that do take the time out for individual fans. I've always known that was the case, but I have now experienced it first hand.

Thanks you to Charlie, Clint and the club and thanks to my wonderful friends. And good luck to the lads over the next few weeks.  Whilst we are unsure of our fate for now, it looks like we're going to need a bit of good fortune (wink).

Human Technology

Bolton 2 Queens Park Rangers 1

Another week, another loss. Seems that I decided to launch this blog at a bad time. What was light banter and nerves on twitter amongst the fans this morning has now turned in to little spats and lots of understandable anger and disappointment.

Today I was gutted not to be able to make the trip up to Bolton with the fifteen hundred or so Rangers fans. I was waiting for the lovely Thames Water to install a metre at my flat between the convenient hours of 1-5pm. And guess what? They never turned up. I will be having words on Monday morning. And considering this was in response to an already filed complaint I have with them I already feel sorry for the person that will be at the end of the line.

As I had a late one last night I had a nap straight after the match and having since woken (it's now nearly 7pm) I've decided not to look at the league table as it will only make me sad.

Most fans tend to believe that we just aren't good enough and that's why we are losing. And of course, that makes logical sense. At the end of the day the results speak for themselves. But does it really make sense? And why do I have such a feeling uncertainty, as opposed to just pure disappointment?

They say that at a certain level of professional athletics, that the difference between the winner of a race and everyone else is the self belief that they will win. It isn't even a case of thinking they might, or they can, but knowing that the will. And I can believe that, when you're talking about the best of the best - those that make it to the final of the 100m race. Their bodies are trained and honed to the most incredible levels and we can see with our very own eyes that physically there is little to separate the finalists. We're really talking in hundredths of a second. For my own self-worth I like to believe that about the things I do in my life. I like to think that if I have a positive mental attitude and believe I can do something, that I can do it. Every year I swim the Thames in the London Triathlon and last year I finally completed a sprint distance without crashing on my bike (which has happened twice and quite dangerously). While I do not consider myself in any way a serious athlete (absolutely far from it!), I do think it was the belief that I could finally complete the race unscathed that allowed me to do so.

However, consider Usain Bolt. The fact that he is just so physically formidable and incomparable to anyone else who has ever raced, and the fact that even when he doesn't really push himself sometimes and still wins...does make you think that sometimes, people are just really good and it doesn't even require an effort to believe because, well...that's just the way it is. That seems to be (for some people) the 'explanation' for our failures against 'better' teams at the moment.

But consider this: take away all the arguments about the fact that this is still a 'new team', that hasn't had the time to settle in... and really, we're talking about a group of players, each of them with an amazing pedigree. It felt good today when I watched Sky Sports and heard Gary Neville talk about the quality of our squad. But alas, the result would point to the fact that they just aren't playing very well. And indeed most fans believe we have a team of under performers. You know what? It's true. We dominated large parts of the game,  and while we arguably should have finished with a draw if that Clint Hill goal was not disallowed, we didn't take the chances that a team that believes it will win really should have taken. So although I don't agree that we played badly, I do think that a winning team takes the chances that it should and the difference between us and Bolton was purely psychological.

Then again, maybe it's because this is a situation none of us have ever been in before. All components are new: not just new team, but new owners, new management, new league (a Premier league which is at a completely different level to the one we left 16 years ago), and even some new fans.  All of these things impact on how people think, feel, and ultimately behave. I know as fans, we all say that we'll be there if we go down and of course we'll continue to support the Rs, but I am really enjoying (albeit somewhat masochistically) the Premiership life: all the coverage, the battles and passion that surrounds it - whether we are winning or losing. So for those fans that were at Euston this evening abusing the players as they arrived back - do you honestly think that behaviour is actually going to help your team perform better next time? All it does is make us look like thuggish supporters, and apart from it being an embarrassment it simply negative and it 'ain't' going to help the team psychologically.

I look forward to hearing from fellow blogger This is my England about what happened at the station. But the event leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

To end on a lighter note. It's been a lovely week for 'bonding' with the rest of the better fans. I've had so much fun this with the QPR twitter community. A big thanks out to @qprtillidie1882 for their great Thursday night quiz on Facebook. I was so engrossed in answering the questions that I apparently missed a legendary Messi performance (bothered?). And I've found some QPRPinoy QPR fans community. So for all the readers from the Philippines who are interested do contact me @elmodedude and let's see what we can do to help build up Rangers support.

All these wonderful interactions wouldn't be possible without the technology that we have today. If only the FA would hurry up with a very simple type of technology that could have made all the difference on another pretty rough day.