Fired up

Queens Park Rangers 2 Liverpool 3

Today we witnessed a heartbreaking result for the Rs. Playing a lacklustre Liverpool side, and having dominated for most of the game, a few mistakes cost us dearly. I keep thinking, we deserved to win, but I know in my heart that we didn't really- and for exactly the same reason why I think we deserved to beat Derby on that fateful day in May this year. When one is given a chance - you simply must take it with both hands.

I suppose the only difference between Liverpool today, and us in May is that they didn't look like they really wanted it at all. I saw as much character in that side as a plank of wood. If I were a Liverpool fan I'd be furious with Balotelli - he was worse than Taraabt on a bad training day (abuse to come my way soon I'm sure). Conversely, and rather surprisingly QPR came fast out of the blocks and showed real spirit for most of the game. Our players looked like they had fire in their bellies. Part of this is fitness of course- Harry picked players that had a bit of pace: Onuoha, Traore, Yun...And (praise the Lord) dropped Rio for 'a few fags with a drink but I'm still going' Dunne. Was it tombola time again for Harry? I am not sure that anyone could argue with the tactics and changes that were made to the team for today. Harry was, I admit, spot on.

Last week I was really concerned about Harry. It looked and felt as if he'd become disinterested and half asleep. Having said that, I don't for one second believe everything he says, especially on the topic of reading the papers. There is no way some of his frustration isn't stemming, in part, from what he's reading in the press. They say that sometimes it's not great to show emotion when it comes to your work life - it's only work after all right? And one must never take things too personally. But sometimes, just sometimes I think it does help to show people that you have taken it very personally as it shows that a. you care and b. that you are in it with everybody else as much as everybody else when you lead a team. And in Harry's press conference (which you can view below) I saw for the first time in a long time in him, someone who was seriously pissed off...it was so pleasing to see him red-faced and sweating, to hear him get angry about Adel's lack of effort in training, and to hear him swear and hit that irritatingly squeaky screen behind him. Hurrah! (I'd have stood up and kicked the whole wretched thing over!)

So where now for QPR? It's tough when mistakes are made, but they are easily forgiven when everyone is united in a common vision and there is effort behind the performance. It's easy to say we 'woz robbed' but I'm going to go out on a limb and say this performance will be our turning point- because if we can come back from this, and turn this loss in to a positive experience we're going to be absolutely fine at the end of the season.

Delusional? Maybe. Prepared to admit defeat just yet? Absolutely not.

Football Blogging Awards

For all those who aren't active on twitter and facebook, this is just to let you all know that I've made it to the finals of the Football Blogging Awards based on 'fan' votes, which is all very exciting and unexpected as I just entered for the hell of it.

You can vote on the website, on facebook and twitter if you follow the link below. Admittedly it's extremely difficult to work out on the website, but just pop the url of my blog inside the female category bucket (no need to vote in the other categories) and stick your email address in if you don't mind.

Football Blogging Awards

I thank you in advance for your continued support in reading this blog which continues to be such a great pleasure to write.

Love,
Emily

Being there

Southampton 2 Queens Park Rangers 1

West Ham 2 Queens Park Rangers 0

Growing up my step father was a fan of a 1979 film starring Peter Sellers called Being There. The story was about a simple gardener (Chance) whose knowledge of the world around him is derived from just the TV that he watches and his gardening, but once his benefactor dies and he discovers the outside world, he is mistaken for 'Chauncey Gardiner' and simple observations are taken as profound and filled with the wisdom of what others around him perceive to be the makings of the future President.

I can't help thinking about this movie as I ponder over our current dilemma of what appears to be a lack of strength in the form of Redknapp's leadership. I admit that for most of last season I was relatively forgiving. I tended to trust Harry's rather erratic judgement despite the 'tombola' strategy because, for the most part, we were winning games. And of course, when we got to the end of May and that day at Wembley, the rest became history.

Part of this was because I had read, heard and observed that Harry's a pretty good man-manager. After what we had been through with the personality-less Mark Hughes, Harry had he ability to make players feel good about themselves and play with freedom. At the very least, he also had slightly better taste in the players: despite all the loans, we had kissed goodbye to the Monobrows of the world.

As many have observed however, the success at Wembley papered over cracks already in existence. It's easy to get a little depressed about this but for anyone who knows QPR well, the cracks should not be a surprise. But, as fans who spend a lot of our hard earned money supporting the club, we deserve a manager who truly embodies the spirit of being a manager, and moreover a leader, through thick and thin. At this stage in the season I am now ready to say I am not sure I have faith in Harry to lead us to safety come the end of the season.

Harry Redknapp is not Chauncey Gardiner. In his post-match interviews he is not particularly profound. Instead of reasons, he only has excuses, and instead of taking ownership he puts blame. Neither of these are leadership behaviours. Don't get me wrong, we're going to lose loads of games this season whether we have Redknapp or not, but it's the leader who is prepared to be as responsible for results as much as everyone else in the club and is prepared to admit to mistakes and ugly things that we don't always want to know, that I will personally appreciate and I believe others would too. He appears for too distant and too disinterested to be a manager of any club, never mind a club like ours that needs lots of sorting out. And frankly, we are facing the greatest challenge of all- survival.

The irony of the movie is that Chauncey Gardiner's perceived intelligence made people truly believe he was truly with them all, even though in reality nothing mattered more to him than gardening alone. Unfortunately for us, It's all too obvious that Harry simply isn't there when it comes to football. To quote Chance: 'As long as the roots are not severed, all is well. And all will be well in the garden.'

In and out of love

Queens Park Rangers 2 Stoke City 2

Do not read this blog post if you aren't going to take it in the humour in which it is intended...for it is very much a light-hearted take on of being a QPR and Niko Kranjcar fan!

It's no secret that I'm a self proclaimed Niko Kranjcar 'groupie'. But I'm certainly not the only lady who feels this way. I feel blessed to be very close to @gemcricketmad who has also fallen head over heels for the baller of a Croat. The groupie world is certainly not a lonely place when it comes to this QPR player. And his re-signing on transfer deadline day sent many of us in to a massive Niko frenzy.

Frankly, it's a good thing he is around because he is truly the 'stardust' in what is currently a team with an extremely leaky defence and an obsession with playing Rio Ferdinand in every game for the full 90 minutes. And after seeing both Spurs and Man U lose to 'lower level' teams today the nerves are kicking in a little bit about the next few horrifically challenging games we have. So far, Niko has provided that little bit of magic and creativity that we should be seeing from a handful of players at the very least (injuries for Barton and Mutch certainly not helping). And after yesterday's stunning last minute goal I believe there are several men who might be experiencing the effects of serious man-crush (some hilarious tweets circulated yesterday such as: #iwanttomarniko by @qprsludger).

I was worried at the end of last season. I always said that if Niko left QPR, the love affair would be over. That would have been difficult to do but...QPR always comes first. And, after all, the reason why it's so much fun to support him is because he does play for the Rangers. And now that he is back and obviously enjoys being with us (although frankly I am not sure I know anyone, Ukrainian friends included, who wants to be in the Ukraine), it's just a bonus isn't it?

But it wasn't always that way with Niko and several fans are eating their words about his weight, his technical ability, his tactical know-how and his fitness. Over the summer break a good article was published titled What's Next for Croatia's Forgotten Genius? Some points in there that were interesting around Niko's self-awareness about this lack of speed. I also managed to get a translation of a video that I posted in an earlier blog (Collective Psychosis). Apparently in one scene he says something about the fact that every day he weighs himself and hopes that he has lost 100 grams as he has a trouble managing his weight. With Niko- the self-awareness and humble nature is a huge reason why he attracts the so many (apart from his strikingly good looks of course).  When my friend Gem welcomed Niko back yesterday 'on behalf of all female QPR fans' he shyly smiled and said 'it's great to be back'. Awwww.

But seriously, is he a forgotten talent, or is he too injury prone and too slow for the Premier League? For if he were truly a genius footballer would he really being playing for little ol' Rangers? It's a fair question to ask. But I'd say at this stage it's too early to tell and it would be great to see him consistently perform this way. But he saved our bacon yesterday - by far QPR's man of the match by (according to several twitter quotes) a 'country mile'. And he did lose the weight over the summer period and he did get fit. No, he's not that fast but I have some empathy for him. I've been a gym goer for years, and I love running and swimming. But no matter how hard I train I have always had and only ever will have just one pace. It's frustrating but I try to make up for it with pure enthusiasm!! Hardly a comparison point I know with one quite so skilful.

I guess it is just so very easy for us to pass judgement on players and their fitness levels and weight sometimes we don't even look at ourselves closely enough. And for that matter, sometimes we're just a little bit biased about one player over another? I mean - did anyone notice how Adel came back with a bum bigger than mine? Gem was certain that in pre-season training he was wearing a tummy control pair of pants.

On the other hand, does it really matter whether he isn't the fastest or best midfielder in the world? We are just QPR after all, and to have a player as good as he is want to come and play for us, is surely only a good thing. The days of  monobrow and such like are surely behind us now.

As I finish this post, I see that wins today for teams around us have moved us to the bottom 3 of the table. It's early days but I hope and pray for a bit more magic from not just Niko but others in what should be a pretty talented squad. One thing's for sure though, Niko will one day be gone, but QPR will always be in my heart.

You're only as good as...

Tottenham Hotspur 4 Queens Park Rangers 0

Queens Park Rangers 1 Sunderland 0

Manchester Utd 4 Queens Park Rangers 0

Everybody says that confidence is critical to success in any field. And we have seen in this world only too often, the more confident but less intelligent people lead highly successful lives, versus  the cleverer, quiet, nervous and less confident ones. I certainly wouldn't put QPR quite in the realms of clever in the context of football...but something tells me we're suffering a little from that little problem of giving the 'big teams' a little too much respect.

Confidence. It's a word that's easy to throw away as an excuse for poor performance and it is rarely examined below the surface. As I write this blog post, I am sitting in an Oslo living room with friends (post-traumatic Man U match), watching the Wolf of Wall Street for a second time. We're watching the early part where he trains his friends to sell bad stocks to that rich 1% of America. With a plan, and confidence and rapport building skills over the phone, they manage to propel a dodgy business in to something that makes a lot of dodgy money.

Today's match was a shame. I was hoping for a smaller goal difference at worst, and a draw at best. But if that's what the team was also aiming for that's probably the reason why it was such a woeful performance. Even if on paper United and Spurs are obviously 'better' than us, no team will win any match when they show too much respect for the opposing team. Admittedly, we felt the loss of Mutch and Barton today. Stats are only stats, but stats don't lie either - and it's my understanding that before this weekend Barton had floated around the top of the table for players that had created the most chances in the Premier League. I admit there were glimmers of hope as I saw us try to park the bus a little. But I think we should have had Vargas starting with Charlie up front. Much as I love Clint - was it right to start him in this of all games?

I haven't yet read any post-match reports, or listened to our manager's post-match comments. Will we be able to get an indication of how he instills or has instilled any confidence in the team by the way that he speaks. He certainly hasn't got the same leadership qualities as Van Gaal who has more of a draconian appearance. But if you had a problem that needed sorting out, would you turn to Harry or would you turn to Louis? What would give you more confidence?

I don't know who said 'you're only as good as your last game'. It can't be true in the context of the volatility of life for a team like QPR in the Premier League. And even if it were, it's a pretty hard mantra to live by if you're losing most games, and are simply aiming for survival. And therein lies the issue in a way. Is it right that we've set ourselves a lowly goal? Remember three years ago when we were a bit more 'ambitious' and rose-tinted in our approach? Is it that we should have a more  more nuanced approach...is it about saying we'll try to win every game, and concede that to survive would be not an achievement, but the bare minimum requirement? It simply feels odd to be talking in nuances when confidence is surely meant to be just a way to simply be versus something that you learn...right?

We all know how the Wolf of Wall Street ends and as a result I am left thinking that there are different kinds of confidence. And that the first one we naturally think of is the one that is only skin deep.

Shattered Dreams?

Queens Park Rangers 0 Hull City 1

It's no secret that I am a big fan of 80s music. And as I got ready to go to Loftus Road today with a spring in my step I had Johnny Hates Jazz's 'Shattered Dreams' playing on my iPod. Completely corny but very enjoyable.

And when I watched Charlie Austin's penalty shot being saved, I thought how apt it was that when I sat down to watch the match my fellow season ticket holder Terry said something about about the fact that our euphoric post-Wembley feeling was just about to disappear.

The summer has been filled with re-runs of the 2nd leg of the semi final against Wigan, as well as re-runs of that amazing day at Wembley. In addition to a tiny bit of excitement around the World Cup, and great anticipation for new QPR signings and pre-season friendlies. Everyone's been celebrating. I've had my birthday...Barton's had another baby, we've got Rio bloody Ferdinand, and Remy has come back (for now at least). It really couldn't have got any better (apart from I would have liked to have welcomed a freeze on the season ticket price which would have saved me from begging for a few handouts and from paying in installments).

I am feeling far from despondent about today's result. In fact I'm particularly up beat. For one, we did not lose 4-0 or 5-0. And secondly, I haven't heard any excuses so far about the team needing 'time to gel'. We're such a different QPR to the one that was last in the Premier League, and we all know why, that it was so refreshing to see some good football and some effort being made. I am also not an expert in formations and tactics but the new 3-5-2 strategy was even obvious to me and I think will bode us really well in the future so long as we can service Remy and/or Austin appropriately. Work needs to be done on that side of things. I liked the look of Mutch, Ferdinand, Caulker...they were energetic and smart. Dunne put in a good shift and as always Barton was everywhere.

But oh Charlie Charlie Charlie...cool penalty-taker Charlie, fluffing up his lines. It was almost as if the occasion had overcome him and his nerves got the better of him. Yes, credit to the goalie of course is warranted, but Charlie hesitated. He did exactly what you aren't supposed to do. Watching his head drop in shame was a little heartbreaking. Or maybe that's just because I watch football with 'girly' eyes. At least that's what my neighbour said when I said 'Charlie's haircut is really nice' (oops). It would have indeed been a fairy tale if Charlie scored his first goal in the premier league in his first game in the premier league. It would have been the icing on the cake that was Wembley, 24th May, 2014 . But dreams can't last forever and these events in life should make one stronger and prepared to come out fighting the next time around.

This season I'm going to be particularly interested in how Redknapp man manages the team with Glenn Hoddle as coach. For all Redknapp's old school style and allegedly 'crooked' ways, I tend to trust his judgement of character. We take the mickey out of 'top top lad' and 'top top professional', but there's a lot more to what he sees than I think we give him credit for sometimes. Last year we were frustrated with his 'tombola' approach and many did not believe in what he was doing. I always believed that there was some kind of method to the madness. Perhaps that was foolish. But now we look back and know that Steve Black was heavily involved in the process, with Redknapp's support. We have to give credit to Reknapp's open mindedness related to such appointments for the cohesiveness of the team as it is today. Now with Hoddle thrown in to the mix, I wonder how they will work together and what he will bring to the mix apart from the obvious experience in the new formation. What will be the dynamic, and how will players respond to it? Leadership and management are fascinating to me. And can teach us a lot about human psychology. I have high hopes for what is to come and I think I will have plenty of material to write about.

So, after a 0-1 loss, has our bubble burst? Perhaps just a little pin prick but certainly nothing to cry about.

Perhaps I am a little deluded. But hey, I'm a QPR fan after all. And at the next home match, I think I might pick something like 'Eye of the Tiger' to get dressed to.

Welcome to the new season everyone.

Emily, Queen of the Park Rangers 

Movies

Wigan Athletic 0 Queens Park Rangers 0

Queens Park Rangers 2 Wigan Athletic 1

Derby 0 Queens Park Rangers 1

I am sure I'm not the only one who goes through tough times and imagines that other people's lives seem to go a lot more smoothly. I am sure I'm not the only one who sometimes feels a little stuck in a rut, whilst others appear to be on a constant upward trajectory. I am sure that that I'm not the only one who sometimes feels as if nothing lucky ever happens to me, whilst others simply live 'jammy' lives. Sometimes it does feel as if life simply isn't fair. Well, I guess it really isn't.

When I started writing this blog we were in our first season back in the Premier League since we left it in the 90s. Warnock was on his way out, and although we had watched the Four Year Plan and thought we had seen it all, we had no idea what a tumultuous time lay ahead of us. It's all been said and documented: the roller-coaster that we went through at the end of that first season back, the anger that we felt with Barton for his behaviour at the Etihad and then the tortuous second season that saw us continue to bring in a truck load of outrageously undeserving footballers that had no love and no respect for our club. It all felt a little bit unfair. And, with a new season in the Championship and a much criticised team of 'Premier League' players and manager apparently not quite performing to the level they should be, with our one goal scorer out injured for nearly four months forcing us in to a play off position - it really couldn't have been more 'difficult'. To quote Clint Hill, us fans have been through the 'wringer'.

It's taken a while I think for our 'new' owners to understand what QPR is all about. And with his sore head today at the Loftus Road post-play off final celebration Tony Fernandes hit the nail on the head when he said what happened yesterday was like watching a movie, a last minute goal, against all odds, with only ten men. But Tony, it wasn't just yesterday that was a movie. For many, our whole QPR supporting lives have been just that: a quite incredible movie but not always one with a happy ending. Eleven years ago many of us experienced pain at the Millennium Stadium when Cardiff scored a winner in the final minutes of extra time. I don't remember much about the miserable journey home - probably because my mind has decided to erase the trauma. There are also several that experienced the heartbreak of our last visit to Wembley. I wasn't yet a QPR supporter and lived abroad then, but I hear from several people that we just didn't turn up. Alas, that would have made it even more heartbreaking for all the fans.

On the face of it, and with a poorly attempted objective eye, we did not deserve to win yesterday's match. Derby were all over us. From kick off to the final minute I felt like we just weren't good enough and all the criticisms laying at our door by others as well as our own fans, were justified. While I haven't yet got round to reading all the reports (I have spent far too much time celebrating and watching Zamora's goal again and again) I am hearing that the general view is that while it is the beauty of football that a team with 30% possession and only one shot on target wins a game, it is also extremely unfair on the better team on the day. All over the country people are feeling a sense of injustice. QPR simply did not deserve to win. On the other hand, if Derby did, then why didn't they? I will never ever forget standing next to my father in the match during the last ten minutes. He kept saying 'Emily, I think we're going to nick this one- I don't think Derby are going to score and if we can score it'll be now, and it has to happen now'. I couldn't help but think about the bigger picture in those last few minutes. My mother used to say I was such a philosopher and I philosophised to myself in those minutes thinking about how if you fight and fight and fight, maybe...just maybe something positive happens. I was thinking, how unfair life is, how you sometimes lose people along the way, and how it's sometimes a battle to hold your head up high. And if QPR could just get a break. If...

So, it was no surprise that when Zamora struck the ball it really did feel like I was in a slow motion movie and my heart had exploded completely. Tears started to stream down my face and I tried to stop myself knowing that there were a few minutes more left to play. It was an outrageous change in fortune but I wasn't crying because it felt lucky at all. I felt like after everything we had been through as fans, this was absolutely the result we deserved. And you know what, I felt like the team deserved it to - because they may not have been great, Derby were the better team in terms of pace and tactics, and maybe even skill. But Simpson, Hill, Dunne, Barton, Hoilett..all of them, they didn't give up. Bodies on the line, fight to the death. Stirring stuff. And the Independent called it larceny. But to me it was absolutely, no question, 100% fair.

After Zamora's goal - smiling through tears 

As I write my last blog post at the close of the season and the events of yesterday sink in I look forward to the rest of this lovely bank holiday weekend of replays and reports on our beloved club. I have in my mind that I also want to spend the summer months celebrating the wonderful experiences this season has brought in my life because of QPR. I continue to meet some amazing people who may live completely different lives to me and who I would never know except for the fact that football has brought them to me. People who are funny, kind, hard working and sometimes inspiring. Yesterday I was able to spend the day with my closest family and friends. And seeing my local pub in Willesden Green dressed up (as it bloomin' well should be!) in QPR colours and flags before and after the match was a site to behold. Singing songs together during the short 3 stop journey to Wembley was an event I may never be able to experience again in my life.

The tube journey to Wembley

I have also learned even more about the club itself- the people who run it, own it and those who do great things for the QPR in the Community Trust. I am sure many clubs have these things - but that does not mean that they have the same character and personality that we do. And I am very sure that what we have is unique to QPR. It will be extremely important for Tony, Din, Amit and Ruben to make sure they keep the ethos and values that are unique to QPR this time around in the Premier League. For me, this was the biggest mistake the last time across all three managers that we had. In the rush to try to 'make' a great team, it seemed that everyone at that level of the club forgot to remember what the club was all about and what really, truly mattered to the fans. Is it no surprise therefore that this year as the club refocused its behaviours and communications, the Tiger Feet walk raised eight times last year's amount? There's a long way to go before we stabilise but we are so very far away from where we were one year ago.

Yesterday, it was our time to have a movie with a happy ending. Talking to my friend Gem days before we both agreed that the Monday night game against Wigan was our final. Seeing the player huddle, and the fighting spirit of the team was everything we could have hoped for whether we won, lost or drew.  But to be given the gift of another win yesterday surpassed all expectations. And it felt like the end of a very long Hollywood biopic and not just a 90 minute documentary.

No, life isn't fair. But if it was always fair there would be nothing left to fight for and wouldn't life just be really boring for us all then. Tony, welcome to QPR and the QPR way.

Have a fantastic summer everyone. The BBQ tongs are coming out.

You RRRRRRSSSSSS

Love,
Emily