In and out of love

Queens Park Rangers 2 Stoke City 2

Do not read this blog post if you aren't going to take it in the humour in which it is intended...for it is very much a light-hearted take on of being a QPR and Niko Kranjcar fan!

It's no secret that I'm a self proclaimed Niko Kranjcar 'groupie'. But I'm certainly not the only lady who feels this way. I feel blessed to be very close to @gemcricketmad who has also fallen head over heels for the baller of a Croat. The groupie world is certainly not a lonely place when it comes to this QPR player. And his re-signing on transfer deadline day sent many of us in to a massive Niko frenzy.

Frankly, it's a good thing he is around because he is truly the 'stardust' in what is currently a team with an extremely leaky defence and an obsession with playing Rio Ferdinand in every game for the full 90 minutes. And after seeing both Spurs and Man U lose to 'lower level' teams today the nerves are kicking in a little bit about the next few horrifically challenging games we have. So far, Niko has provided that little bit of magic and creativity that we should be seeing from a handful of players at the very least (injuries for Barton and Mutch certainly not helping). And after yesterday's stunning last minute goal I believe there are several men who might be experiencing the effects of serious man-crush (some hilarious tweets circulated yesterday such as: #iwanttomarniko by @qprsludger).

I was worried at the end of last season. I always said that if Niko left QPR, the love affair would be over. That would have been difficult to do but...QPR always comes first. And, after all, the reason why it's so much fun to support him is because he does play for the Rangers. And now that he is back and obviously enjoys being with us (although frankly I am not sure I know anyone, Ukrainian friends included, who wants to be in the Ukraine), it's just a bonus isn't it?

But it wasn't always that way with Niko and several fans are eating their words about his weight, his technical ability, his tactical know-how and his fitness. Over the summer break a good article was published titled What's Next for Croatia's Forgotten Genius? Some points in there that were interesting around Niko's self-awareness about this lack of speed. I also managed to get a translation of a video that I posted in an earlier blog (Collective Psychosis). Apparently in one scene he says something about the fact that every day he weighs himself and hopes that he has lost 100 grams as he has a trouble managing his weight. With Niko- the self-awareness and humble nature is a huge reason why he attracts the so many (apart from his strikingly good looks of course).  When my friend Gem welcomed Niko back yesterday 'on behalf of all female QPR fans' he shyly smiled and said 'it's great to be back'. Awwww.

But seriously, is he a forgotten talent, or is he too injury prone and too slow for the Premier League? For if he were truly a genius footballer would he really being playing for little ol' Rangers? It's a fair question to ask. But I'd say at this stage it's too early to tell and it would be great to see him consistently perform this way. But he saved our bacon yesterday - by far QPR's man of the match by (according to several twitter quotes) a 'country mile'. And he did lose the weight over the summer period and he did get fit. No, he's not that fast but I have some empathy for him. I've been a gym goer for years, and I love running and swimming. But no matter how hard I train I have always had and only ever will have just one pace. It's frustrating but I try to make up for it with pure enthusiasm!! Hardly a comparison point I know with one quite so skilful.

I guess it is just so very easy for us to pass judgement on players and their fitness levels and weight sometimes we don't even look at ourselves closely enough. And for that matter, sometimes we're just a little bit biased about one player over another? I mean - did anyone notice how Adel came back with a bum bigger than mine? Gem was certain that in pre-season training he was wearing a tummy control pair of pants.

On the other hand, does it really matter whether he isn't the fastest or best midfielder in the world? We are just QPR after all, and to have a player as good as he is want to come and play for us, is surely only a good thing. The days of  monobrow and such like are surely behind us now.

As I finish this post, I see that wins today for teams around us have moved us to the bottom 3 of the table. It's early days but I hope and pray for a bit more magic from not just Niko but others in what should be a pretty talented squad. One thing's for sure though, Niko will one day be gone, but QPR will always be in my heart.

Cycles

Reading 0 Queens Park Rangers 0

Queens Park Rangers 0 Arsenal 1

Queens Park Rangers 1 Newcastle 2

Liverpool 1 Queens Park Rangers 0

I used to believe that life happened in cycles of three years. The thinking is that after three years of good fortune and happiness, things couldn't possibly continue in to a fourth year, so one deserved three years of bad luck and misery after that. After this period one would once again deserve happier times. It was a theory that an old flat mate of mine believed in and told me about. Both of us had not had the happiest of childhoods and had been through all a whole mill of complicated situations. And when we started our working lives in London, starting at the bottom of the corporate ladder and contributing most of our salary to the rent of our shared apartment life really did feel a little like a roller coaster - we weren't quite sure when we were going to get off or when things would just be like a simple carousel or a slow-moving Ferris wheel.

After what has to be the worst season I have ever experienced as a QPR fan, I couldn't help but wonder whether QPR had finally come to the end of its own cycle of good fortune. I remember saying when I had to move to Manila to take care of my dying mum in 2003, that if QPR had got promoted to the Championship from League 1, I would be celebrating so much you may find me paralytic on a pavement outside some pub after drinking copious amounts of alcohol in happiness. Only a year later we managed to get promoted and I didn't end up lying on the roadside as I had predicted (a fine one for words I am). However, it is hard to believe that  was nearly ten years ago and I could never have imagined what next happened to our club. Our trials and tribulations of that period are well documented. We even have a famous movie that tells the story of how we got back in to the Premier League - in this one, a cycle of four and not three years is epitomised.

And despite all that we have been through before, this season has truly been the most torturous. For most QPR fans it wasn't about the end result: the fact that we were relegated. For most QPR fans it was the manner in which we did get relegated that hurt so much. Where at the end of last season we could at least boast of a fine home form, this season it was a painful series of loss after loss after loss and many of us had to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and experience it all again the following week. Not only did we have to contend with poor play, but we had to contend with personality issues within the team - egos, splits and factions. All of this while the club continued to 'market' itself to a group of people who would only support the club so long as Park Ji Sung remained in it. What also saddened me about the last few months has been the way that QPR fans have been arguing and fighting amongst themselves (myself included). But, in fairness it is a natural reaction to a situation where we are all trying to understand why we are in such a mess, and where we need to find someone or something to blame.

When I started writing the blog, we were in a very different place. We weren't in a position that is much different to where we ended up -  in the lower dregs of the Premier League -  but I was much more full of hope and faith. I still liked Joey Barton and thought some of his views on things like homophobia in football, for example, would make him a wonderful ambassador for QPR. I felt that Fernandes was a great owner and that we were in good hands. But the last few transfer windows have made me extremely worried about the club's attitude, and in Harry Redknapp I am starting to see more marketing tactics (one week players lack motivation  the next they are of a low quality). I feel that we are still seeing, even after relegation, signs of a club that is trying to act bigger and cooler than it really is. The fact is, our biggest problem these past two seasons has simply been our bloated squad and the fact that we cannot make a bunch of supposedly great players function together as a decent unit. How to solve that problem however is perhaps not quite so simple, given that we have owners with such lofty ambitions that involve not just the game of football itself.

All in all, having Fernandes and Kamarudin Meranun's money at QPR is probably still a good thing. And having Redknapp as a manager is probably our best chance of not being relegated again (yes, that's just how hopeful I am about next season). But much as we'd like to think we are kept informed of what's going on at QPR either by Fernandes and his tweets, Harry and his penchant for a bit of publicity and the club's supporters meetings, we haven't got a damn clue what's really going on in the background and we never will. We'd like to think it's our club to influence - and sometimes we will when it comes to easy things like club shirts for next season, or whether we get names on our seats. And I have to say I am getting a little bit fed up of fans feeling grateful because Fernandes has decided to buy one person a season ticket on a whim, or because season ticket prices are lowered to the level they should be. Admittedly, there is nothing wrong with these actions, but I do think we need to start to be a bit more savvy about our club's PR and marketing if we really believe we can influence it more.

Despite the season being so horrific, the past 9 months has brought much in the way of blossoming friendships. As life goes on and you get older, you don't always expect to meet new people that you click with so well. Let's be frank, one rarely gets to meet a QPR supporter, never mind someone you actually get on really well with. In my mind I am already piecing together this wonderful mosaic of people and places I've visited and smiling to myself at how lucky we are to be able to experience new things all the time through supporting this club. And I am talking not just about great people like Gemma, Annie and Ali, but people like that Addison Lee taxi driver who took me home safely after a business trip abroad, and the train manager on the 915 from Euston to Liverpool that moved all the QPR fans in to the first class carriage. This has been the most delightful thing for me this year and the irony is that I can blame QPR for all of it.

Before I wrote this blog, I asked my brother who has absolutely no interest in football at all (but more than a passing interest in QPR because of his relation to me), what I should write about given it's been such an awful season. He said 'why don't you write about the fact that it's just like life? Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, and sometimes it's just really really bad.' He couldn't be more right. Nowadays, I don't think that life is about those three year cycles. I don't even think it's about Four Year Plans. Life, like QPR, just is what it is - and there are parts we can control and parts which we cannot.  But what I do think is that sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, sometimes it's really really bad, but you can also make it really really good if you try.

Superheroes

Queens Park Rangers 0 Stoke 2

I don't know what I was thinking when I agreed to book Reading tickets with @gemcricketmad. I suppose it was more about spending a day with a friend than the possibility of watching some good football.

Relegation is all but confirmed for us, and yet I actually checked for Wigan's remaining fixtures. Foolish I know.

As per last week's blog, it is far from my intention to write a match report. Instead, I look ahead to next season inspired by a recent QPR podcast game of 's***, marry, push' in which I review the members of the current QPR squad as currently listed on the back of our programmes. In this blog, I will take a look at each player, provide my view on their contribution to this horrific season and compare them with a 'super hero' where possible, if not I've made something else up just for them (aren't I nice?). Not to say that our players have been superheroes, but they make an amusing point of comparison...

So, without further delay...

1. Robert Green, also known as Green Arrow (just cuz his name is Green and he wears green A LOT)

from www.superherodb.com

Rating: 7/10

Sadly, Rob has had a rough ride this season. We should never have bought Julio and frankly if I compare the two side by side Green has been the better keeper and Julio has been less than reliable.

Verdict: Keep

2. Samba Diakite, also known as the Nappy Man (for wearing his shorts in that strange nappy style)

Rating: not possible

I am not sure what happened to Samba this season but I think we've missed him a lot. He was my favourite buy from last season so it's disappointing that we haven't seen more of him for whatever rason.

Verdict: Keep if he is going to play....

3. Armand Traore, AKA Almond Tray (that's just what his name sounds like)

Rating: 5/10

There's a reason why Arsenal didn't want him. Sigh.

Verdict: Get Rid

4. Shaun Derry, AKA My Lord

Rating 7/10

We haven't seen a lot of Shaun either, as we're meant to have players that are better than him on paper. But when he has played for us he is been pretty solid.

Verdict: Keep for one more year

5. Christopher Samba, AKA the Incredible Hulk

Rating 5/10

Considering he's QPR record signing he has not performed to that level and had a few appalling games. We need to sell him and make some money back.

Verdict: Get rid

6. Clint Hill, also known as Butt-head (from Beavis and Butt-head)

from mtv.com

Rating 5/10

Our 2011/2012 player of the season has under performed as much as anyone else.  A deserved captain for his passion and effort and boy does he take a head butt those balls! But while I'd give him an A for effort, it's a C for ability.

Verdict: Get rid (sadly)

7. Ji-Sung Park AKA Meltdown

Meltdown from www.superherodb.com

Rating: 6/10

Blighted by what appears to be a lack in confidence and injury this season Ji-Sung Park appears to have gone in to official meltdown mode. Enjoying the comforts of London as opposed to Manchester appears to have distracted him somewhat. But I think he's still got a bit of class. He simply needs to get back down to earth. He'll be a decent championship player.

Verdict: Keep

10. Adel Taarabt AKA Stardust (something about being made of cosmic particle and energy...)

Rating 6/10

It was hard to compare Adel to a superhero as he means so much to so many QPR fans for what he has contributed to our championship years. It's safe to say this season he hasn't become that superhero. Whenever he plays the team has to form itself around him as opposed to the other way around. Frustrating to say the least but I do hope he stays. He's a magical player when he is at his best.

Verdict: Keep

11. Shaun Wright-Phillips, AKA Pheeeleeeeeeeps (from that commentary of the win at Stamford Bridge)

Rating 4/10

I have given SWP an additional point for scoring that goal against Chelsea. Other than that, I still can't quite forgive him for telling fans he didn't really care about QPR.

Verdict: Get Rid

12. Jamie Mackie AKA Wonder Man (since he walked in the winter wonderland...)

Wonder Man from www.superherodb.com

Rating 5/10

Mackie is one of our most over-rated players, but last year he is responsible for our turning point in that 3-2 win against Liverpool. I love his passion and loyalty but I just 'wonder' what he's going to do for us next season?

Verdict: Keep (just)

13. Yun Suk-Young AKA the Invisible Man

Rating:   /

Who?

Verdict: Hello? Anybody there?

14. Esteban Granero AKA Steve Barn (that's his name translated in to English).

Rating 3/10

Having come from Real Madrid Loftus Road must have been a shocker for Steve. First couple of games were promising, but other than that he has been a disastrous signing. He truly has been a less than glamorous signing.

Verdict: Get rid

15. Nedum Onuoha  AKA City Reject

Rating: 6/10

Having lost his mother this year, I feel a little sorry for him. He's fairly reliable and I suspect could be useful in the Championship.

Verdict: Keep

16. Jermaine Jenas AKA the Other one from Tottenham

Rating 6/10

Ironically, we were more excited about his arrival than we were of Andros Townsend. He has been somewhat useful...though I question his commitment to the club.

Verdict: Keep

18. Loic Remy AKA Champagne

Rating 7/10

I would have rated him an 8, but for the penalty he missed against Fulham. That was just so painful to watch. Sigh.

Verdict: Get rid. he's too good for the championship (we need prosecco not champagne)

19. Jose Bonsingwa AKA The Enemy

Rating 2/10

Sorry, I still don't like him. OK he has been better these last few games, but it's not like we've won.

Verdict: Get rid

20. Fabio da Silva AKA The Crap Twin

Rating 4/10

Looks like we picked the wrong Da Silva twin. Some promising starts, but he's inconsistent.

Verdict: Send him back.

21: Tal Ben Haim
Rating 5/10

We haven't had the chance to see him play much so frankly I can't even rate him fairly. He wasn't bad last week against Stoke but then again, we lost against Stoke. Sigh (again).

Verdict: Get rid

23. Junior Hoilett AKA His name is DAVID

Rating 5/10

He had an awful game last week but I suspect he has underperformed due to a lack of confidence and team tactics. I still like him though, he won me a bet early in the season when he scored against Reading in the Capital One Cup.

Verdict: Keep

25. Bobby Zamora AKA Murmur

Murmur from www.comicvine.com

Rating 7/10

Unexpectedly one of our better players this season. And I have to say I admire him for playing several games while in extreme pain. He was a warrior, and this feeling was magnified by the bandage he would wear wrapped around his head... but he's getting on a bit and I wonder whether he will want to play for a Championship team?

Verdict: Keep

26. Brian Murphy AKA The Other Other goalkeeper

Rating - unfair to rate

We'll need him next season as Julio will go.

Verdict: Keep

30: Frankie Sutherland AKA Frankie, do you remember me?


Rating: unfair to rate

Do I know much about him? Not really...but he is from our youth team apparently, and I'm all for home grown talent.

Verdict: Keep

33. Julio Cesar AKA Buzz Lightyear

Buzz Lightyear from www.dan-dare.org

Rating 6/10


My love affair with Julio is over. Wearing that Chelsea shirt this week changed everything.

Verdict: Get rid and sell for a pretty fortune hopefully

37. Jay Bothroyd AKA Weird Love Gun Tattoo Thing

Rating 6/10

He hasn't exactly been a star player, but he hasn't been bad either. There hasn't been a lot of room for him, but perhaps he'll be good for us in the Championship.

Verdict: Keep

40. Stephane Mbia AKA King of Stagecoach

Rating: 8/10

He has provided us with much entertainment with his amateur dramatics but he has probably done the most for us this season of all the players. An exciting player to watch he can also be a liability though. I wish we could keep him but I don't know if he would stay.

Verdict: Keep

Six tips for sad QPR fans

Arsenal 1 Queens Park Rangers 0

Queens Park Rangers 1 Reading 1

Stoke 1 Queens Park Rangers 0

It's bad. It's really bad. It's so bad I'm almost lost for words. Perhaps it's not so much that it's such appalling football, but the fact that it is so relentless. Eleven matches in, not a single win to keep hopes alive, to provide us with an ounce of positive feeling. This situation is incomparable to last season. At least our losses were punctured with home wins. The last performance of any decent quality that I can recall was against Tottenham and we didn't even manage to win that.

It wouldn't  be fair to write a match report for yesterday's game. I was, I suppose somewhat thankfully, 8 hours ahead in Manila enjoying the music of a local band called Session Road with some old pals. I was receiving text updates from my father and even through the various snippets of news it was obvious we were just following the same relentless pattern. And as I look down the list of results so far, all our matches bar the Man City and Swansea ones, show us losing by one goal. This simply affirms the fact that we are making stupid mistakes; that we miss an out and out striker, and that while we are dominating for long periods, we don't seem to have the heart nor that final ounce of skill to be follow through with such possession and score goals. It's as if we lack that vital bit of energy to be able to complete the task at hand. Many fans are calling the problem a lack of passion, and I suppose it's fair also to pine for the old days when we had players who supported the club as well; players for whom the club really meant something.

Unfortunately, we cannot expect that from the current set. But what we should expect is a level of commitment. They bought in to the club, they bought in to the 'long-term project'.  Surely the 'long-term project' should be on their minds as we enter the final third of each match in which we are either still drawing or losing by one goal? Perhaps 'long-term project' is just too 'long-term' and lofty an idea for these chaps.

I have no answers, so quite frankly I'm not going to dwell on it, nor continue to moan.What I would like to propose is Six Top Tips for us QPR fans to cheer ourselves up.

1. Turn the table upside down

This has an immediate and obvious impact. Turning QPR into the top team in the country and putting Manchester Utd and Chelsea in the relegation zone. Be warned though, the impact only lasts for a few seconds and remembering the reality can be rather a harsh experience. A bit like eating a massive bowl of pasta or rice and coming down a few minutes later from the carbo high.

2. Watch Homeland and Hunted

Two of the best TV series being aired in the UK at the moment portraying two of the most gutsy female characters- both fighting for their own justice. Just be careful not to assume that you'll be seeing the same amount of commitment from our own team.

3. Start Planning Christmas

Yes, I am actually advocating that planning Christmas festivities, both at home at at the office might be a suitable distraction. Among several things you can do you can start thinking about the crap gifts you will be buying for £5 in the office Secret Santa. Perhaps a QPR woolly hat for a Chelsea or Utd fan? This strategy does have risks though, you will be reminded of the fact that there are 4 games over the holiday period.

4. Slag off Chelsea

This strategy will allow you to feel superior. There are many things that should make us feel much better about supporting a team like QPR:
a. We do not have a problem with players shouting racist abuse at others
b. We are still a family club with a family atmosphere
c. We really are based in West London and not South West London
d. We serve much better pies

5. Delete qpr.co.uk from your favourites and unfollow @officialqpr

This will not be easy and is a very drastic move. This is not recommended unless you are already going to games regularly as you may get deep withdrawal systems that could shock the system in spite of the constant bad news.

6. Think of Joey Barton

An odd strategy perhaps, and one that goes against several of my posts that promised not to speak of him again. However, given the current circumstance I revive his ghost to make a point about the fact that we should be thankful at the very least that this idiot is no longer at the club. Sadly, we are still stuck with his ongoing appetite for attention through the various newspaper and magazine interviews but at least we can snigger from afar instead of bemoan his presence at Loftus Road.

Intermittent access

Queens Park Rangers 1 Stoke City 0

I write this from the Far East mid way through a relaxing holiday that is just what the doctor ordered. I promised myself I'd write a blog and haven't missed doing so since I started in January of this year. But this could be my toughest task yet given that it took forty of minutes of the first half to finally get a connection to the game online, and the second half consisted of stuttering access...we could just about get running TV commentary but I saw very little passing or movement, and I missed the goal on the 88th minute when the connection pretty much ground to a halt. So no different from your recent average QPR match then?

So I am so not going to pretend that I know anything about how the boys played. Apart from being able to read the reports online (eventually), and also seeing a few highlights from an NZ website (which showed Barton in a very good light) including the player's prostrations of relief at the final whistle, I really haven't a clue from a personal level what happened.

I had lovely day though, all in all. It started with getting to know the chaps who work here at the resort I'm staying in. At breakfast, they suggested a new beach for me to visit on the island and said they'd take me over at sunset. I was happy to go along, but warned them I needed to be back in time for the big match. Football is not a massive sport here in the Philippines. Ironically despite the average height of the Filipino, basketball is. But football or 'soccer' has grown in popularity with the help of the Premier League and the Champions League brands and the growth of Cable TV sports offering Premier League matches every weekend. So it was with some excitement but very little knowledge that the boys started to talk to me about football. They had no idea who 'Quinn Park Ranger' were, but were hungry to understand what it was all about - how fans spend copious amounts of money watching their teams play, and whether we had anything to do with Barcelona or Real Madrid (one day young Paduwan, one day).  'Greg'  met me at 3pm to make our way over to this new beach. He was wearing a yellow Chelsea shirt. This was far from ideal as you can imagine. And I quickly told him in no uncertain terms that this had to change soon. I was keen to make sure that he understood the implications of wearing it that day but to be honest I pretty much got a blank face until the point at which I said, please don't wear that this evening when we all sit down around the computer to watch the game together. Message received, loud and clear.

So as night fell, and we drew close to kick off, a group of us sat around the computer in the middle of a 'jungle hilltop tent' and I had all my links ready to go just in case some worked better than others. It was a hot & sticky night, and there were a few mosquitoes around. But wifi was working, and we had pizza and fried chicken at the ready, and the stage was set for the big showdown.

Or not.

The build up to the match was all excitement and nerves. And then. No streaming video. I tried QPR Player and managed SOME radio coverage but this was fairly intermittent too. So I relied on twitter to keep me in the loop. We did get some pictures by the second half, albeit literally 'screenshots'...But by the 80th minute, I have to say I had given up on  our life in the Premier League. With Bolton still winning at that point I was one of those who was tweeting 'Bye Bye Premier League'. I know there is a small army of fans who would be quite happy to see us winning games back in the Championship instead of going through what we're going through now. But really, judging by all the reactions that I am seeing online, most of us don't want to go back. Who would want to? With all this wonderful attention we are getting after 15 years our of it...NO WAY. I am loving every minute of it. So when I finally saw everyone saying Cisse had scored you can imagine my ecstatic reaction. Needless to say the group of people around me had no idea what was going on as all they could see was a video screenshot of the match that had stopped moving around 82 minutes. Bless 'em. They sat through it all patiently with me even though there was neither good football, nor any real decent streaming coverage to watch.

And then I missed Loftus Road like a big hole in my heart. I imagined all the fans running on to the pitch (exciting but slightly premature methinks), and the players relieved that Bolton had drawn at the last minute, and everyone from the #qprtwitfam having a drink at The Green afterwards. I stayed up for another 2 hours (we're 7 hours ahead here), trying to watch video highlights but I was only disappointed with what was a really poor connetion at that time of night for some odd reason.

I sit here now at breakfast, finally able to show the guys video highlights of the game and shots we made (a few potential corkers from Taarabt & Barton!!). The lads here started saying 'Gametime Hoops', and I thought - you guys have been doing your homework on QPR, only to realise they were talking about something to do with the NBA (how little I do know...). So perhaps it will be a while yet before I can fully convert them over here.

So I am now looking forward to another day in the sun but also missing home very much and feeling so nervous about this weekend.

But, at 82 minutes in yesterday, who would have thought we would still be in the mix at all? The drama that is football, and that is the Premier League is really why we love the game so much (whether we admit it or not). But did I honestly think when I started writing this blog in January that by the time I was on holiday we'd still be fighting for our lives right to the death?

You just couldn't make it up could you?

QPR in the Philippines