Saturday, 29 December 2012

Dear Santa

Newcastle 1 Queens Park Rangers 0

Queens Park Rangers 1 West Bromwich Albion 2

Dear Santa,

I know it's late. It's already the 29th December. You've been and gone and I didn't leave out any biscuits, milk or carrots. I just started taking you for granted because QPR started to get good results and everyone was going on and on about the 6 points in 4 games. I should have known by the time Newcastle were finished with us last week, that we are far from 'fixed' and I should have accepted there and then that we just aren't going to stay up. Look Santa, I know that mathematically we can. There's always a 'chance' that we can. But for me that's just not the point anymore. I'm looking at the team, and I'm still not seeing complete dedication. OK so Bosingwa finally got pulled up by Harry finally for being the lazy sod that he is (I do hope you did not give him anything this Christmas), but I still think there are a few more lazy sods lurking in the background trying to hide behind the 'shadows' and failing miserably. Yeah yeah yeah, everybody's putting more of a shift in, but look at Cisse: when he doesn't have the ball he is either sitting on his arse with his hands in the air complaining, or standing with his hands on his hips complaining. I've always hated players like that, love him or hate him I started watching football when players like Gary Lineker set great examples of sportsmanship. Right now, it's all handbags, and it's quire irritating for us QPR fans. Santa, I'm not asking for a team of Gary Linekers  but I am asking whether you can organise for some of these people to leave Loftus Road in January? I'm not really up for watching handbags for the remainder of the season.

Santa, thanks for granting my wish for Taarabt not to go to the Africa Cup of Nations. I know I am only writing the letter to you now but you read my mind and in many ways I can rest easy now. However, we still don't have an out and out striker that is actually fit amongst other problems (see above re: Cisse). So far buying all the 'star' players that we have in the past 12 months has brought us little or no reward. So would it be possible to simply ask for DJ Campbell to come back? OK, so maybe he isn't 'Prem' material but at least he's a QPR fan and he's scoring goals in Ipswich. Who is to say Championship players can't play in the Premier League anyway? On that note, I was wondering whether you had been taking care of Swansea and Norwich a bit more than us? Perhaps they left you more cookies, milk and carrots than QPR fans last Christmas? If so, I can make a few phone calls for quick delivery before the New Year? There are several QPR fans who work in the delivery and transport business, and I know one who rides a double-decker bus through London - we are at the ready if that's what it takes. Just say the word Santa.

This next wish Santa is a sensitive one. I'm really pleased that the club communicates with us regularly. I know that many clubs do not have such an 'open' relationship with the fans. But sometimes it's much better to say nothing at all, than to try and say words that are flippant and meaningless. I'm not naming names (for fear that you might not grant me the other wishes), but breezy comments about not winning and picking up 6 points from the next two matches, are unrealistic. They also fire up those QPR fans that are a little more, shall we say, vehement in their commentary. While I'm not one to talk about morals, I'm also not particularly keen on seeing c and f words on my twitter timeline from said vehement fans on a continuous loop immediately after a QPR loss. Could you have a word with the PR staff at QPR? I know they work hard and try (despite not being QPR fans). But I believe this is not only a lesson in PR but a lesson in how to carry oneself generally. Oh, and Santa, can you throw in some language lessons for them? I think they mixed up Spanish and Arabic the other day when they announced Taarabt wasn't going to the ACN.

Santa, my final wish is that you magic up some entertaining football at Loftus Road. Because QPR fans are by their very existence masochists, deep inside it's not even the win that we are looking for. Yes, it would be nice to finally win away, and to win a bit more (or maybe to start with: to win again), but we'd be ok with watching the players battle it out with some fight. And hopefully, if the above wishes are granted we will muster a few wins as a result anyway. It's expensive to watch our team play at Loftus Road, and to travel away too. Right now, the relationship feels a little one-sided. And while I don't agree with fans abusing players on twitter (there are much better ways to air one's views), I understand why they feel that way.

I am not going to ask you to conjure up a win for us tomorrow against Liverpool. Because I have left it so late you probably don't have time to organise it all. And to be honest, I'd be happier if you helped us focus on some of the other things to prepare for our life one division down. I don't know whether you have had the chance to visit Harry's house (I suspect they had the whole family round for Christmas day and that they left you gourmet biscuits and organic milk), but if poss can you make sure he stays with us next season? I really like the fact that he made an example of Bosingwa who is (as you know), my least favourite player of the year. I hope he does that more often.

Well that's it from me Santa. I hope you can forgive the fact that I've written this so late. And aren't hurt by my assertion that perhaps you favoured those other 'championship' teams that went up in 2011. Trust me, we are prepared to make up for it if you can help us get out of this mess: one way or another. Again, just say the word.

Thanks for reading, and enjoy the weekend.

Emily, Queen of the Park Rangers

Encl. Biscuits, Milk, Carrots and a big red double decker bus from London.

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