Sunday, 29 November 2015

Love in all its forms

Derby County 1 Queens Park Rangers 0
Queens Park Rangers 0 Preston North End 0
Middlesbrough 1 Queens Park Rangers 0
Queens Park Rangers 1 Leeds United 0

When I was much younger I fell in love all the time. I don't know if it's a girl thing. Maybe it is. But I was always falling in love whether it was on holiday (Mauritian hotel host, boy at disco in Manila), at school (first kiss, first boyfriend, well..first everything), or during my gap year (love of my life, love at first sight, several dodgy dates).  That slowed down 'big time' in my working years. People always ask why I am still single. I am now at that age where there are big questions why. And I must say I do wonder whether I smell sometimes. I hear from others that people who live alone don't always notice how they look or smell. This can be a worry.

So, is it work? Or is it all the other things happening in my life that have taken up so much time? Tending to  my mother before she died for example being a big thing. Or is it that since then my version of love simply isn't the same as it once was. Out at dinner with a friend this week talking about this very topic he was shocked at my point of view, as if I was missing out on something by not searching for that exciting and almost dangerous feeling. Maybe it just isn't this tumultuous butterfly in tummy inducing event any more I thought... perhaps it is something a little less obvious, but no less special .

But the conversation did make me think.

Supporting QPR has been one of the things that I have wrapped around me as a blanket these past few years. If one wanted to use an analogy this is one messed up love affair where I (and several other partners in the harem) are simply not getting much in return. Sometimes we are unfairly abused despite our best efforts. There have been some moments of extreme excitement. For me that Liverpool win a few years back at home, under the lights, with Mackie scoring the winner and of course that day at Wembley in 2014 stand out for me. But these last few games I have literally questioned just exactly what have I been getting out of this relationship. Apart from no wins...goal level at zero was starting to become extremely boring. Consistent, reliable but boring and not very good. Now...if I think about it, who really wants that? Especially when, to be honest, in all other areas, the club isn't yet ticking all the boxes we have asked of it (e.g. clear strategy for management, youth development, team selection, transfer policy etc). I suppose I might take such performances if those areas were much clearer but at the moment, all that I  hear and see has felt a little nebulous to me and therefore most performances have been so dull I haven't felt the inspiration to write about them.

Yesterday, however, I was given a glimpse of hope. I am hoping that by choice (outside of striker injury!) rather than by default the team selection was impeccable.  Defensively strong, a midfield that could pass the ball - Hoilett, Petrasso (youth!), and Sandro all committing and working for each other.  Simple and basic things being done correctly and so obviously under the influence of Warnock. It was a pleasure once again. And Charlie oh Charlie, once again proving his worth.

It is no secret that my obsession with Niko Kranjcar petered out towards the end of last season. It was always a battle between Charlie and Niko. And the truth is that while Niko was probably the most handsome man I have ever seen (EVER), Charlie was really always the one. Because he can really play football. I mean really. He doesn't just score goals, but he is always there, off the ball as well as on it, defensively and in the midfield too. Does my heart flutter when he walks past me, or when I watch the little video from him saying 'get well soon'? Maybe it does.

And maybe just maybe, I am not so boring about love after all.

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