Big club, little club

Queens Park Rangers 2 MK Dons 4

Queens Park Rangers 0 Manchester City 0

Queens Park Rangers 0 Norwich City 0

Last night I experienced what can only be described as severe QPR depression. For the first time in a long time, I could not think positively about the club for more than a minute. Even for the whole of last season I did not feel this way. It was a hopeless feeling. When I got home, I resorted to making lasagne to keep my mind occupied, opening a bottle of red to attempt to drown my sorrows and then switching to Splash and The Following on TV to attempt to compartmentalise my feelings.

Why did I feel this way? QPR are still bottom of the table. Truth is, we would have been even if we had won yesterday. QPR are still unbeaten in the league this year. Truth is, we were thrashed by MK Dons so I still think there is a problem. And we've just signed ourselves a fantastic central defender in Chris Samba. Truth is, I am still nervous about the decisions being made by the board.

Because our season start was so bad, and the positive momentum has come too late, yesterday's draw felt as bad as a loss for me. Taarabt not scoring the penalty didn't help. It felt as if we were doomed even if a little bit of luck tried to shine upon us. And now, given that the clubs around us are winning and pulling away, I really must honestly come to terms with the possibility that we are doing down. Yes I know that before Christmas I had written that I had already resigned myself. But I suppose our win against Chelsea and the QPR PR strategy has provided me with a false sense of security. And frankly I am a little angry that I have allowed myself to be carried away with this tide of spin.

Yet again, last Thursday we found ourselves getting sucked in to transfer deadline day. We enjoyed poking fun at Odemwingie, and revelled at the envy of other clubs when we signed Samba - following on from our Remy buy a few weeks earlier. And while I think they were good buys- and according to Fernandes we can afford them - I honestly wonder whether we are now thinking too short term vs. long term. Is all this change yet again really good for our club and it's own heart? Fernandes, as the face of the club, obviously has his charms in persuading players to join us but the money is not all his and big decisions are obviously being made by the shareholders. Yes, some of these are risky but I do believe that they have probably done their sums. So, I don't think this is going to be another Pompey situation- at least not quite so quickly. But I do worry about what QPR stands for, and what all these events do to the personality of our club which means so much to so many people.

This week's QPR Podcast featured a great song by Owen Parker called 'Because we're Queens Park Rangers' which you can listen to here: Because we're Queens Park Rangers. I think all QPR fans can relate to the lyrics. In his dulcet David Greyish tones he sings:

I can take the constant disappointment

Guns in the boardroom

Anglo-Chinese diplomatic situation

I can take Tango & Cash

Monaco-based banks

Striker after striker

Drawing blanks

But what makes me sick

Is when you put on that shirt

And don't give a s**

Collect your cash

Speed home metal to metal

Then spend all evening polishing your Champions League medal...

(copyright Owen Parker)

His lyrics, and the staccato style in which he sings the punchy verses, are reflective of what is now becoming the paradoxical monotony of controversial events that surround our club. And while we can all laugh at the song's humour in my depressed QPR state, I wonder whether it would just be nice to go back to being a fairly middling Championship or League One club. Then again, half of the events he describes happened before we were even promoted to the Premier League. So are we simply a club doomed because of the simple fact that we are a London based club that exists in a prime area of London which will always be of great interest to investors and people with money?

I have often written about the fact that what makes QPR special is the fact that it is by and large a family club, with a family atmosphere. I suppose that as fans, we have always assumed that a family club means a small club. After all, how can an atmosphere or an organisation be intimate, like a family, if it is so big? Tony Fernandes said something interesting in that Telegraph interview: 'We, QPR, have to move out of the small club syndrome and for constant security have to build a bigger stadium, a better infrastructure.' I can imagine there will be some QPR fans who will argue with this. After-all, we are small club aren't we? isn't that the reality? We aren't a West Ham that can easily pull in 30K+ people for Championship matches, it wasn't so long ago when we struggled to get 13K to the ground even though we were a fairly decent Championship team. Last week even saw a bit of debate between fans on twitter as to the number of 'hardcore' QPR fans, based in London, outside and abroad...Ranging from 15,000 to 60,000....Still, neither of these numbers come even close the other big global brands that have been doing this 'international expansion' thing for years. 

On the other hand, we don't really have a chance in Premier League football if we do not make some big decisions. I think that we probably didn't have to make so many ridiculous signings last January nor last summer - other clubs who were 'on paper' worse than us did not and have been able to nurture their squads more organically. But because we have started down that road, we're a bit stuck and probably don't have a choice to be proceed as we started. Fernandes said that 'We inherited a squad where every single player who has left is no longer playing in the Premier League, doesn’t that say something?' But I would also argue that I am not sure that many of the Premier League players we have acquired have a future in the Premier League either!!! 

Whichever way I turn I feel bewildered by it all. But what I can say for sure is that recent history has shown us that this level of instability has done us little good. Will it help us to survive? Unlikely, but maybe. And even if we do survive, how many more players do we bring in this summer to start the cycle all over again? I am so afraid that we keep working on the roof when we haven't even finished on the foundations of the house. So...perhaps relegation will actually do us some good? Yes, we're going to lose our on a shed load of money and we're going to lose some big players. But maybe we'll get a semblance of our old club back and we can start looking at our Youth Team again for talents like Ehmer, Harriman and Doughty. 

Do I care if we become a big club or a stay a little club? Not really. I believe families can still be big and loving, and by the same token our club can still be a family club even if we expand. But frankly we're no where near close to that stage yet and I think we can cross that bridge when we come to it. 

Making friends

Today is the day us QPR fans have been waiting for. A big win, some great goals with one from open play. And some real confidence at the back. Though I realise that Wigan aren't exactly the greatest team in the world, we really needed the win to help us build on some self belief. Next week brings what will no doubt be an extremely exciting and potentially controversial game. Bring it on. It's never boring supporting this team.

The feeling at the game today was a far cry from the one I had on Tuesday night playing MK Dons for the second time. But sitting there on that cold week night, watching an FA Club replay against a team 32 places below us, together with a paltry 10,000+ fans, memories of past years in mid-table Championship mediocrity and League One blues came flooding back. No doubt the press would be writing about the somewhat muted atmosphere the next day, and I almost felt sorry for Mark Hughes as he looked out to all the empty seats and heard some boos from many fans who only turned up for the £10 tickets.

The one thing about these cup games though, is that there's always a chance you'll sit next to someone different due to the release of season ticket seats. And that night it was my opportunity to meet someone new. Next to me was a chap who must be in his 70s, possible even older. Throughout the match he gave me nuggets of wisdom which made me laugh and smile and think - maybe this situation isn't so bad...

Basically, we didn't play well on Tuesday did we? Or so I thought. Some of us 'booed' the changes that were being made, 'booed' the team, groaned in anger. I was one of them. And the man next to me said 'come on look, these guys are really playing so well'. And I watched carefully and thought...he's right. MK Dons nearly scored several times, they were extremely physical. They had nothing to lose, and it felt like we had everything to lose. I sat there, biting my nails (at the football it's the only time I do!) and he squeezed my arm and said 'Don't worry, I really think we're going to win this one'. For some reason I felt a glimmer of hope from his words. And when he even prophesied that we'd score from a 'set piece',  my hopes were affirmed.

Those of you who are a little younger won't remember this movie, but there was a film called Oh God that came out in 1977. That was actually the year I was born but I grew up watching it and its sequels. The film was about God who appears to an assistant grocery manager as a 'good natured old man'. I am by no means giving a religious message but there was always something about the movie and the way that God was portrayed as an old man that was quite funny, touching and tickling. I almost felt as if perhaps the chap who was sat next to me having moved down from row L was God coming down to sort QPR out and give me a bit of hope!

The truth is that really, he was just a fan who had been going to games for probably twice as long as I have. And through all the experience he had probably seen so many scenarios that he could almost predict what was going to happen. At the end of the match, we introduced ourselves (by name), and he was so kind and said 'Emily, you are a lovely girl, it was so nice to meet you, I'll be back at my own seat for the next match'.


About 3 seasons ago my Dad & I lost the seats we'd had for over 15 years, as we were late in renewing them, so I moved up 3 rows and have been sat next to the same people for every home game as you would be. And after all this time, the guy to my right  (where God was sat last Tuesday), turned round and asked me 'Hmm, where are you from?'. I guess it must have sounded strange hearing this slightly mixed up American/English accent shouting 'come on lads' or 'come on rangers'. So I explained my mixed background. And then I asked him why he wasn't at the MK Dons game. He told me that during the week he works in Holland so coming to games during the week is pretty tough. We found out more about each other in 5 minutes than we had in the 3 seasons we'd been sat next to each other. Such is the nature of the way we supporters are - week in and week out.

As I write this on the train up to see some family in Doncaster I chuckle at the thought of 'God' sitting next to me and smile at the sincere human interaction that takes place at the football. Of course, this is made much easier by the fact that the boys won 3-1. They played well and I am proud today.

Come on your Superhoops! Bring on Chelsea!!!

George Benson in 'Oh God'

The Turning Point?

I write this a few hours after the MK Dons first-round FA Cup tie. I listened to it on the radio, and felt this constant pang of disappointment as I listened to the commentary. Here was QPR, a premiership team struggling to hold itself together against a League One side.

As a fan that's always going to support the boys, I guess I have to say I am pleased with the draw. But I am nervous about the fact that Warnock is already calling the game a turning point. Surely, a turning point, in the context of a wider period of time such as a football season, can only really be recognised quite some time after the event? I completely understand why there is a flurry of tweets from fans who just 'can't believe we're happy with a draw'. But if I allow myself to think for a moment that perhaps this was a turning point...perhaps it there is hope:

Now we know that the replay takes place on the 19th January. This, quite frankly is a stroke of luck. Because it means that our captain doesn't miss one of the league games he was due to miss with the three match ban he's serving. And whilst we 'could have done without' a replay, to quote the Daily Mail I wonder whether this replay (win or lose), is just that, our luck taking a turn for the better?

With Ale Faurlin potentially out with a serious leg injury - I think we do need a bit of it.

Luck that is. And I think I'll be there on the 19th!