Moving on

Queens Park Rangers 1 Hull City 2

Nottingham Forest 1 Queens Park Rangers 0

Blackburn Rovers 1 Queens Park Rangers 1

Rotherham Utd 0 Queens Park Rangers 3

Queens Park Rangers 1 Wolves 1

Nottingham Forest 0 Queens Park Rangers 0

Queens Park Rangers 1 Ipswich Town

Queens Park Rangers 1 Fulham 3

There is this song by Hard Fi called Move On Now which I quite like. Hard Fi aren't in my top ten list of bands, but they can write songs and Move On Now is a strange ballad for a rock band -with a trumpet in the middle...a sort of jazzy interlude for the rest of that breakthrough album: Stars of CCTV. Of course, the title speaks for itself. This solemn sort of song about a broken relationship as he looks out his window to the planes taking off from Heathrow I have always found touching.

It's a song that's been in my head a lot during this time of great transition both in my life and in the life of QPR. All the more apt when I hear:

Looking out my bedroom window

See the planes take off from Heathrow

One by one they come and go

On and on, on and on

Think about this place I call home

All the shots and all that come

All around, all around

Clubs have all closed down

Nothing's going on round here, it's time we left town

Before it brings us down, down, down

I suppose the one thing I can say as I read this is that there is no way I am getting out of QPR. It's stuck with me as much as I am stuck with it. I am annoyed and angry but I haven't shut up shop just yet. I am good with being angry at the club and the players. I get that. But let's not be so hard on ourselves...Given that we've lost so much recently, we have to remember we are ourselves impacted by grief and change. And if we take that in to account I suspect we're only on stage two of the five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance).

I think about the places I'd go

It makes me think of the monotony; what it has been like sitting at Loftus Road week in week out. And the reason for the lack of blog posts from me this year...I remember bringing a friend to Loftus Road many years ago. He was trying to like the football for me. But from our seat in South Africa Road he literally plane-watched. I didn't understand it as things were different on the pitch then. But I sure as hell would understand it now. It might be more exciting if I played 'guess the airline' with my Flight Radar App. Endless hours of fun.

I was out of town during the last match against Fulham and out of town again this time. I suppose I must be grateful for being so fortunate, although sometimes superstition does kick in and I think, would we have won if I was there? Fat chance. I did watch on the net though, and from the off I could hear our fans doing their part in what should be a derby where the team must come out for a fight. Twenty minutes in though, and I thought...something just isn't working here. Forty five minutes and I wondered why I had even bothered. At sixty minutes I started falling asleep. And then of course there was the twitter meltdown. Fans angry at the performance, angry at the team's attitude...and rightly so. People calling for the board to sort things out, people calling for Fernandes' head. People are revolted, disgusted...

I honestly don't know where I stand on all of that. There isn't enough that we are exposed to, to truly know the ins and outs both at board level and in the training ground. But what I do know, is that management during a transition period is always hard. There may be times when results go our way and other times when they will not. At the very least, you want the team to show pride in wearing the shirt, a positive attitude. But the human spirit is fragile- what do we know about what might have happened in the dressing room that morning. Or in all the players' various homes - a row with the WAG perhaps or up all night with a new-born baby? Who knows? And how does a manager 'manage' that?

Of course I hope the reason for such a poor performance does lie within the realms of a fortune as opposed to a lack of respect for the shirt. And on that basis, let's say I am not optimistic, but I am sympathetic to the cause of transition and change. It take time, it really does. But for us fans, time is always of the essence because we spend so much of it being such passionate supporters. For many of us, it's the one thing we look forward to week in week out.

Move on Now finishes:

Dance halls are empty

Got a feeling my love, we've gotta get out

It might also be worth just sitting back and continue watching the planes land at Heathrow with that jazzy trumpet playing in the background and just letting things be. Something will move on one day. 

Cake

Doncaster Rovers 2 Queens Park Rangers 1

At work I am discovering the world of econometrics. Not an easy concept to understand but in basic terms an econometric model helps businesses to understand what, out of a number of variables, is driving results and return on investment. For marketers, this may be in the form of brand health or sales for example. Econometricians describe the process of modelling as something akin to baking a cake, where after receiving the data they then do all sorts of complicated mathematical things to understand what's driving what, and where there is a correlation.

With the way QPR are playing at the moment, I can't help but think about this concept of a cake. Across the social space, fans are debating about what the problem is - is it tactics and formation or is it simply attitude or effort? An econometrician would look at all of these things and try to understand which elements are causing problems for us. Although, of course - with having won almost all games, the combination of variables would currently be perceived as positive if indeed our ultimate goal or measure was to win games, and not just to play exciting football.

As I alluded to last week, the team does seem organised and regimented. People know their positions, but we don't seem to be playing out of them where I think we should be - when we've got a chance to take a risk, or run at the opposition and score goals. I would also suggest that the last two matches have seen a few players pull in more lacklustre performances: some fancy passes but just not ones that are dangerous enough for the Championship. Yes Niko, your bum looks great in the QPR shorts but perhaps a few more sessions down at the gym will improve performance? Playing with only one up front may also be taking its toll. While we have suffered a bout of injuries many players are back or coming back from them, and yet Harry has decided to stick with the past. This is so unlike the former Tottenham manager who we know likes to take a gamble and has always put forward an attacking team. Then there is the personal stuff we don't know about that goes on behind closed doors- were there players that had crap going on at home which made them lack focus yesterday, or did someone get annoyed that they were left on the bench and didn't start which got up everyone's nose before the match began? Who knows?

On the other hand, so far, this type of approach has allowed us to win by narrow margins. Until yesterday.

So, what is it that is going wrong out of all the possibilities? I would suggest an econometrician would be hard pressed to figure it out for QPR. They are right though, it is like a cake in that it's probably a combination of everything together that is driving this general malaise in football results as well as style of play. We do have one problem though. Econometrics also assumes that for all brands there is a base level of sales or results. This is the base level that continues to happen no matter what other variables or factors occur in time- that base level relies on ongoing sales, repeat purchases as well as the power of the brand. I am not sure that any club other than perhaps the Uniteds and Reals of this world can boast a base level of results. Most other football teams have too much volatility in their existence. However the one constant which has always amazed me and makes me extremely proud is the hardcore base level of loyal QPR fans. For such a small club we bring over 1,000 people for most away games and Fernandes and his team can rely on a near-sell out crowd for most matches. Unfortunately, good football results cannot solely rely on fans. .

I witnessed an argument yesterday at the Keepmoat. One person was claiming we were playing negatively, another was saying it might be ugly but it's winning us games. I agreed with both until we lost. And taking into account all of the above, we can't rely on a base level of play because frankly we haven't got it. I believe Harry has to take a bit more risk and use the players to their full potential. And that has to be not just in terms of formation, but in terms of tactics and in terms of who's playing and what ever the hell is motivating them. Everyone knows the best chefs are those that experiment with new ideas and ingredients, right?

Here is everyone before the match at a great fish restaurant in Doncaster called Fish Bits

Outside Fish Bits in Doncaster

Cycles

Reading 0 Queens Park Rangers 0

Queens Park Rangers 0 Arsenal 1

Queens Park Rangers 1 Newcastle 2

Liverpool 1 Queens Park Rangers 0

I used to believe that life happened in cycles of three years. The thinking is that after three years of good fortune and happiness, things couldn't possibly continue in to a fourth year, so one deserved three years of bad luck and misery after that. After this period one would once again deserve happier times. It was a theory that an old flat mate of mine believed in and told me about. Both of us had not had the happiest of childhoods and had been through all a whole mill of complicated situations. And when we started our working lives in London, starting at the bottom of the corporate ladder and contributing most of our salary to the rent of our shared apartment life really did feel a little like a roller coaster - we weren't quite sure when we were going to get off or when things would just be like a simple carousel or a slow-moving Ferris wheel.

After what has to be the worst season I have ever experienced as a QPR fan, I couldn't help but wonder whether QPR had finally come to the end of its own cycle of good fortune. I remember saying when I had to move to Manila to take care of my dying mum in 2003, that if QPR had got promoted to the Championship from League 1, I would be celebrating so much you may find me paralytic on a pavement outside some pub after drinking copious amounts of alcohol in happiness. Only a year later we managed to get promoted and I didn't end up lying on the roadside as I had predicted (a fine one for words I am). However, it is hard to believe that  was nearly ten years ago and I could never have imagined what next happened to our club. Our trials and tribulations of that period are well documented. We even have a famous movie that tells the story of how we got back in to the Premier League - in this one, a cycle of four and not three years is epitomised.

And despite all that we have been through before, this season has truly been the most torturous. For most QPR fans it wasn't about the end result: the fact that we were relegated. For most QPR fans it was the manner in which we did get relegated that hurt so much. Where at the end of last season we could at least boast of a fine home form, this season it was a painful series of loss after loss after loss and many of us had to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and experience it all again the following week. Not only did we have to contend with poor play, but we had to contend with personality issues within the team - egos, splits and factions. All of this while the club continued to 'market' itself to a group of people who would only support the club so long as Park Ji Sung remained in it. What also saddened me about the last few months has been the way that QPR fans have been arguing and fighting amongst themselves (myself included). But, in fairness it is a natural reaction to a situation where we are all trying to understand why we are in such a mess, and where we need to find someone or something to blame.

When I started writing the blog, we were in a very different place. We weren't in a position that is much different to where we ended up -  in the lower dregs of the Premier League -  but I was much more full of hope and faith. I still liked Joey Barton and thought some of his views on things like homophobia in football, for example, would make him a wonderful ambassador for QPR. I felt that Fernandes was a great owner and that we were in good hands. But the last few transfer windows have made me extremely worried about the club's attitude, and in Harry Redknapp I am starting to see more marketing tactics (one week players lack motivation  the next they are of a low quality). I feel that we are still seeing, even after relegation, signs of a club that is trying to act bigger and cooler than it really is. The fact is, our biggest problem these past two seasons has simply been our bloated squad and the fact that we cannot make a bunch of supposedly great players function together as a decent unit. How to solve that problem however is perhaps not quite so simple, given that we have owners with such lofty ambitions that involve not just the game of football itself.

All in all, having Fernandes and Kamarudin Meranun's money at QPR is probably still a good thing. And having Redknapp as a manager is probably our best chance of not being relegated again (yes, that's just how hopeful I am about next season). But much as we'd like to think we are kept informed of what's going on at QPR either by Fernandes and his tweets, Harry and his penchant for a bit of publicity and the club's supporters meetings, we haven't got a damn clue what's really going on in the background and we never will. We'd like to think it's our club to influence - and sometimes we will when it comes to easy things like club shirts for next season, or whether we get names on our seats. And I have to say I am getting a little bit fed up of fans feeling grateful because Fernandes has decided to buy one person a season ticket on a whim, or because season ticket prices are lowered to the level they should be. Admittedly, there is nothing wrong with these actions, but I do think we need to start to be a bit more savvy about our club's PR and marketing if we really believe we can influence it more.

Despite the season being so horrific, the past 9 months has brought much in the way of blossoming friendships. As life goes on and you get older, you don't always expect to meet new people that you click with so well. Let's be frank, one rarely gets to meet a QPR supporter, never mind someone you actually get on really well with. In my mind I am already piecing together this wonderful mosaic of people and places I've visited and smiling to myself at how lucky we are to be able to experience new things all the time through supporting this club. And I am talking not just about great people like Gemma, Annie and Ali, but people like that Addison Lee taxi driver who took me home safely after a business trip abroad, and the train manager on the 915 from Euston to Liverpool that moved all the QPR fans in to the first class carriage. This has been the most delightful thing for me this year and the irony is that I can blame QPR for all of it.

Before I wrote this blog, I asked my brother who has absolutely no interest in football at all (but more than a passing interest in QPR because of his relation to me), what I should write about given it's been such an awful season. He said 'why don't you write about the fact that it's just like life? Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, and sometimes it's just really really bad.' He couldn't be more right. Nowadays, I don't think that life is about those three year cycles. I don't even think it's about Four Year Plans. Life, like QPR, just is what it is - and there are parts we can control and parts which we cannot.  But what I do think is that sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, sometimes it's really really bad, but you can also make it really really good if you try.

Big club, little club

Queens Park Rangers 2 MK Dons 4

Queens Park Rangers 0 Manchester City 0

Queens Park Rangers 0 Norwich City 0

Last night I experienced what can only be described as severe QPR depression. For the first time in a long time, I could not think positively about the club for more than a minute. Even for the whole of last season I did not feel this way. It was a hopeless feeling. When I got home, I resorted to making lasagne to keep my mind occupied, opening a bottle of red to attempt to drown my sorrows and then switching to Splash and The Following on TV to attempt to compartmentalise my feelings.

Why did I feel this way? QPR are still bottom of the table. Truth is, we would have been even if we had won yesterday. QPR are still unbeaten in the league this year. Truth is, we were thrashed by MK Dons so I still think there is a problem. And we've just signed ourselves a fantastic central defender in Chris Samba. Truth is, I am still nervous about the decisions being made by the board.

Because our season start was so bad, and the positive momentum has come too late, yesterday's draw felt as bad as a loss for me. Taarabt not scoring the penalty didn't help. It felt as if we were doomed even if a little bit of luck tried to shine upon us. And now, given that the clubs around us are winning and pulling away, I really must honestly come to terms with the possibility that we are doing down. Yes I know that before Christmas I had written that I had already resigned myself. But I suppose our win against Chelsea and the QPR PR strategy has provided me with a false sense of security. And frankly I am a little angry that I have allowed myself to be carried away with this tide of spin.

Yet again, last Thursday we found ourselves getting sucked in to transfer deadline day. We enjoyed poking fun at Odemwingie, and revelled at the envy of other clubs when we signed Samba - following on from our Remy buy a few weeks earlier. And while I think they were good buys- and according to Fernandes we can afford them - I honestly wonder whether we are now thinking too short term vs. long term. Is all this change yet again really good for our club and it's own heart? Fernandes, as the face of the club, obviously has his charms in persuading players to join us but the money is not all his and big decisions are obviously being made by the shareholders. Yes, some of these are risky but I do believe that they have probably done their sums. So, I don't think this is going to be another Pompey situation- at least not quite so quickly. But I do worry about what QPR stands for, and what all these events do to the personality of our club which means so much to so many people.

This week's QPR Podcast featured a great song by Owen Parker called 'Because we're Queens Park Rangers' which you can listen to here: Because we're Queens Park Rangers. I think all QPR fans can relate to the lyrics. In his dulcet David Greyish tones he sings:

I can take the constant disappointment

Guns in the boardroom

Anglo-Chinese diplomatic situation

I can take Tango & Cash

Monaco-based banks

Striker after striker

Drawing blanks

But what makes me sick

Is when you put on that shirt

And don't give a s**

Collect your cash

Speed home metal to metal

Then spend all evening polishing your Champions League medal...

(copyright Owen Parker)

His lyrics, and the staccato style in which he sings the punchy verses, are reflective of what is now becoming the paradoxical monotony of controversial events that surround our club. And while we can all laugh at the song's humour in my depressed QPR state, I wonder whether it would just be nice to go back to being a fairly middling Championship or League One club. Then again, half of the events he describes happened before we were even promoted to the Premier League. So are we simply a club doomed because of the simple fact that we are a London based club that exists in a prime area of London which will always be of great interest to investors and people with money?

I have often written about the fact that what makes QPR special is the fact that it is by and large a family club, with a family atmosphere. I suppose that as fans, we have always assumed that a family club means a small club. After all, how can an atmosphere or an organisation be intimate, like a family, if it is so big? Tony Fernandes said something interesting in that Telegraph interview: 'We, QPR, have to move out of the small club syndrome and for constant security have to build a bigger stadium, a better infrastructure.' I can imagine there will be some QPR fans who will argue with this. After-all, we are small club aren't we? isn't that the reality? We aren't a West Ham that can easily pull in 30K+ people for Championship matches, it wasn't so long ago when we struggled to get 13K to the ground even though we were a fairly decent Championship team. Last week even saw a bit of debate between fans on twitter as to the number of 'hardcore' QPR fans, based in London, outside and abroad...Ranging from 15,000 to 60,000....Still, neither of these numbers come even close the other big global brands that have been doing this 'international expansion' thing for years. 

On the other hand, we don't really have a chance in Premier League football if we do not make some big decisions. I think that we probably didn't have to make so many ridiculous signings last January nor last summer - other clubs who were 'on paper' worse than us did not and have been able to nurture their squads more organically. But because we have started down that road, we're a bit stuck and probably don't have a choice to be proceed as we started. Fernandes said that 'We inherited a squad where every single player who has left is no longer playing in the Premier League, doesn’t that say something?' But I would also argue that I am not sure that many of the Premier League players we have acquired have a future in the Premier League either!!! 

Whichever way I turn I feel bewildered by it all. But what I can say for sure is that recent history has shown us that this level of instability has done us little good. Will it help us to survive? Unlikely, but maybe. And even if we do survive, how many more players do we bring in this summer to start the cycle all over again? I am so afraid that we keep working on the roof when we haven't even finished on the foundations of the house. So...perhaps relegation will actually do us some good? Yes, we're going to lose our on a shed load of money and we're going to lose some big players. But maybe we'll get a semblance of our old club back and we can start looking at our Youth Team again for talents like Ehmer, Harriman and Doughty. 

Do I care if we become a big club or a stay a little club? Not really. I believe families can still be big and loving, and by the same token our club can still be a family club even if we expand. But frankly we're no where near close to that stage yet and I think we can cross that bridge when we come to it. 

If I were Tony Fernandes

Queens Park Rangers 1 Southampton 3

If I were Tony Fernandes here is what I would do:

Number One: Take a couple of days off

I wouldn't tweet. I'd avoid the PR machine. I'd have a spa day and get some sleep. I'd need all the energy I can get to figure out what I'm going to do, and to make some big decisions about the club that I bought which is in the most dire situation.

Number Two: Start doing the maths

So many games in, I would have realised by now that QPR are all but relegated. I'd need to take a look at our remaining games and figure out whether there is any hope of saving the club so that we stay in the Premiership. My plans will need to flex for a life in the Championship next season.

Number Three: Call the FA

It's a long-shot but I'd give them a ring and find out whether we can arrange for QPR to relegated sooner rather than later. It will mean several social, sporting and maybe even political implications (I did say it was a long-shot), but I care about the fans having to watch horrific football week-in-week-out and I'd like to explore this potential opportunity which may also give me time to sort things out at the club.

Number Four: Get involved in team selection

I don't believe that I should really get involved in team selection. These decisions should be left with the manager. However, I am still the real boss and what I say goes. Therefore, I will order that we do not play Bosingwa, under any circumstance. Without doubt he has no passion for QPR. In fact, I am not sure that he has any passion for football at all. He is also an ex-Chelsea player. Get rid.

Number Five: Call a meeting with Mark Hughes and his staff

I would not sack him just yet as I don't have many other options. I'm also afraid that another manager will mean more infrastructure changes to the club and more purchases of useless players. Nevertheless I would lock him, Mark B. and Eddie in an interrogation room together with me to have a serious 'chat'  about what's going on in the dressing room and the training ground (Homeland style). I'd ask them why they don't seem to have the attention of the players, and why, during the match against Southampton - they didn't have anyone upfield during opposing corner kicks? And I'd ask them, why, when they did finally get their attention their instructions weren't clear? Cisse looked completely lost in the middle of the pitch and that was when the nail was firmly in the coffin.

Number Six: Divide and Conquer

This isn't a time for democracy and open conversation. I would want to know what the hell is going on. I'd interview and test every one in the squad individually (X Factor boot-camp style). I've heard rumours that training has been going badly Monday to Friday. I've heard that there is tension between old and new players. I want to know what they are doing every day to train better, to stay fit, and stay interested. I want to know everything about them: what they are eating, what music they are listening to, where they go out, what drink they like. And I want to know whether they sleep at night, and if they actually give two fingers for QPR. These interviews will not take place in a 'cushty' sofa and I'm no Cherly Cole. Decisions will be made (see below).

My interrogation room

Number Seven: Have a clearout

Those who fail my test would be sold/got rid of in the January transfer window. If I can't sell them I'd order them to play for the Reserves or Youth Team. I already know who they are. From the squad I would REMOVE:

Ferdinand
Onuoha
Bosingwa
Mbia
Park
Wright-Phillips
Zamora

Quite frankly, all of the above are not good enough and care not for QPR in any way. Some of these players are simply around because they wanted to be near their London mates and the edgy party scene here. Frankly I didn't spend my hard earned money to pay for someone's lifestyle when their footballing skills are questionable.

Did I say I don't really want to get involved in team selection? I've changed my mind. I'm the boss.

Number Eight: Find a striker

Frankly we haven't got one who's prolific enough. It would be all hands on deck for the scouting team.

Find one. Fast.

Number Nine: Rethink the QPR social media and PR strategy

While I truly believe we need to build a global fan base, starting with some of my business ties in Asia, I am not sure buying Park has done anything more than bring a few bus loads of Koreans to Loftus Road every week. I will need to do the numbers to see just how much additional income this is making for QPR, but I suspect it's something I can afford to lose given our position in the league.

I also admit that I've created a bit of a tweet-crazy QPR PR machine that has hyped up players who are past their prime creating unnecessary and unfair excitement for the fans that has only lead to severe disappointment. While it may have excited 'new fans' in to the club, the hardcore QPR base who are my bread and butter want their old QPR back. They want players who care about the club, who have heart and a backbone. I'd give them their Rangers back.

Not just a re-brief to the media team, but a full strategy change methinks.

Number Ten: Make a short-term plan

While a long-term plan is, well, long-term. I now realise that long-term forgets short-term. and in the short-term we have to win games. Short-term builds long-term. And so on, and so-forth.

Remove 'long-term plan' from the QPR vernacular (that includes all QPR Player videos that recorded this being said, it's freaking annoying).


Number Eleven: Consider alternative managerial options

It may be controversial that I haven't yet decided to fire Sparky, but I would start to line up alternatives. In spite of my fears (see above) shouldn't a decent manager be able to work with what he's given? Managers all over the world, across all business have to do it all the time, so why should a new football manager be given the amount of freedom to buy and sell the way I allowed it to happen with Hughes?

I'd give Gerry Francis a ring at Stoke. I don't think he'll come back to QPR as I hear he's enjoying his role over there. But at the very least I'll need the advice of someone who has managerial experience who has real history with QPR. In fact, I'd also ring Ian Holloway because I've heard great things about how he managed QPR through pretty rough times and how he was able to pull the team together and created great spirit and camaraderie.


-------

I don't envy Tony Fernandes at all. I admire how he has stuck by us and manages to maintain a positive attitude, and how he communicates regularly to fans. We are lucky to have him on board and I don't think it's fair for fans to abuse him or Philip Beard. I was sat not far away from Philip today and the venomous stuff coming out of fans directed at him is pointless and unfair. We absolutely should be concerned about Hughes' capabilities and the performance of many players, but we shouldn't be directing negativity to the people who are on our side.

For some reason I'm really calm about the fact that we're likely to go down. It means we'll definitely get our Rangers back as many players who don't deserve to wear our shirt will go.

Time will tell. Seems as if my season prediction is still on course....

Life, death, love and loving football: a review of two new football books

In this 'holiday' away from Premier League football, where have had to feed our obsession by watching the Euros and have suffered from the predicted poor performance from the England team, I've tried to follow my special tips on coping with the three month break (see last blog post).

It hasn't been easy...I'd say I've managed to keep up with the exercise, catch up with friends and moan about the Olympics. But must put a massive FAIL next to finding a lover and not talking about Mr Barton. However, I have spent some of that extra time doing a spot of reading. Having recently celebrated my birthday I received from my brother an interesting book by Manchester City supporter Colin Shindler (also writer of Manchester United Saved My Life) who has just released a sequel: Manchester City Ruined My Life. Not long after, I was lucky enough to receive a copy of a new QPR book that is due to come out on the first game of the season (18th August, 2012): It's A Game of Two Halves, by Frederick RJ Hartman.

Why was I ok about reading a book about the memoirs of a Manchester City supporter? Well it was a gift, and my brother did say that he thought I'd find it interesting given that I write a blog about the passion of being a football fan. Once I'd finished reading it (and I was so engrossed it took me just a day to do so), and started to read the second memoir by Hartman I was immediately struck by the similarities. However, while the premise of these two memoirs might appear similar at first, there are fundamental differences in the values these two men hold in regard to how they support there teams. And while I'm keen to support a fellow QPR fan, I felt that I could do Hartman's novel more justice through comparing it with Colin Shindler's book.

Here are two English men from very different walks of life: Shindler- a well respected academic and writer who has published several books and novels, and (as I understand it) Hartman, of whom this is his first foray in to the world of serious writing ever. This is apparent in comparing the style of prose - whilst both are memoirs written in the first person, Hartman's  is more chatty and 'colloquial' while Shindler's has a more prosaic ebb and flow that draws you in immediately and is in some ways, easier to read because of that.

Interestingly, both men are Jewish, but Shindler was brought up in Manchester and Hartman in Neasden, London and Norfolk. And whilst neither could be called practicing they both chose to talk about how the identity has shaped (or not) shaped their lives. Not only this, but the experiences we see and live through in their eyes are not always happy ones: the death of their close family members and friends are somehow woven in to a timescale defined not just by months and years but by football seasons. I found myself crying as I read some of the most personal details of pain and suffering that Shindler witnessed and felt (remembering my own struggles at the loss of my mother), and while Hartman's prose didn't move me to tears, I was still touched very much by these important events in his life.

However, I am afraid it can't be said, and it is obviously apparent in the title, that Colin Shindler has as much love for his football team as he did when he first started supporting it. He tells the story of having been disillusioned by the billionaire buyout of the club: first by the corrupt Shinawatra and then by the very private Abu Dhabi royal family. And he also talks about how he just can't cope with the idea that fans from places like China might be able to support his team via 'mobile phone' apps. Much of this, it has to be said, stems from some of the ludicrous marketing ploys of ex chief Garry Cook. It can't be easy supporting a team that - in fairness - already has a following much bigger than that of Queens Park Rangers, to find yourself facing owners who are terrible at communicating, and do not make their fans feel loved. I for one think that Shindler is living in a fantasy world. It appears he is a purist when it comes to football in the modern day - and while I can understand where is is coming from, he has stopped himself from the joys of supporting a football team because he has a strong moral stance on the whole issue of where football in this country is going. I am afraid I am not that moral. Call me a dirty slut, but I'm enjoying the entertainment that it brings and enjoy it for what it is, just like I enjoy the X Factor (well ok, a bit more seriously than that). But perhaps it is because City have not really been through the real lows that Queens Park Rangers has, that he cannot understand the sheer joy fans of the Rs feel simply because we don't have to worry about administration anymore. Is that really the world that he would rather inhabit than one where the fans can really enjoy watching a good football team, albeit because it has more money?

It's all upset Shindler a lot. So when I picked up It's a Game of Two Halves it was a fresh relief to just read indulgently the passions of a mad football fan. The first half of the memoir charts Hartman's growing obsession with the Rangers from childhood to the present day, with the second half focusing on each game of the season that we were promoted to the Premier League. It's lovely to read about the songs he sings, the crazy things he does to support his team home & away and sometimes on QPR Player, because it is something most of us fans can relate to. And while Shindler sits there, from his very middle class and educated world (both kids having gone to Cambridge and he is a lecturer there), moaning about the money-oriented business, we have Hartman who in the 80s still used a tin bath in the living room to wash and still spends his hard earned money obsessively supporting his football team. I remember writing some time ago (after the Manchester Utd match away), about the fact that one day even we may have to put up with the globalisation of our team. And we already are. The team is going to Asia for pre-season tour, and two planes are going to be branded 'Queens Park Rangers'. But we have clever owners. Fernandes is a keen fan of twitter and we are regularly kept abreast of developments at the club. It makes us all feel involved in the process even if really aren't. I don't know what it's like to support another club, but with all the changes that have happened it still feels like we're a family.

Funnily enough both writers also talk about the rise of social media. For Shindler, he has absolutely no interest and considers itself something he has no sympathy for in 'modern society'. Again, it's another example of how a part of him won't move with the times and simply let go. The truth is, if you aren't online, you don't exist for a lot of people now. So while I was a little sad not to find a twitter page for him I was more annoyed that if I wanted to I probably had to write an old fashioned letter to him  sending it by post, to say thank you for creating a great book. Hartman on the other hand was able to find his long lost friend Nigel Paice, the publisher of said book via Facebook. And social media is also how I have managed to impart these words to you all. So there!

So with these thoughts swirling in my head some things did strike me. Being a female and a football supporter, I was struck with how emotional both Hartman and Shindler were and just how much they revealed about their lives and how the door was open for us to feel their hurt and suffering. Perhaps it's because I am a relative outsider to the UK not having been born here that I notice it more? Then again, I've always said you only really see English men show emotion when they are watching a football match. Naturally, this is a sweeping, broad generalisation and it isn't just about men at all really is it? Being committed to supporting a football team brings with it a certain license to be emotional about something we cannot control but which (for the most part) brings us great joy (yes, even through the games where we lose). And I suppose it helps us deal with all the things in our own lives that are sometimes just too tough to manage alone. Even if we choose to exclude ourselves from it like Shindler does so defiantly, we are still defining our lives by it.

So between Hartman and Shindler who is right in all of this? Well, both are really. And both have a right to be. As it turns out, Hartman's final analysis is to step back from the Rs a little as well, but not for any 'moral' reason only simply because his best football friend  'Queenie' is now sadly passed on and he feels that something has died inside him as well.

And my final analysis?  If you want to experience a bit of indulgence go for It's a Game of Two Halves. If you want to depress yourself with a negative prose about the future of football feel free to go for Manchester City Ruined My Life. But even better, do what I did and go for both. It'll refresh your memory as to why and how we get obsessed with football and what it means to this island nation of ours.

It's A Game of Two Halves will be published on the 18th August, 2012. And is available to pre-order on this website. It will also be available on e-book that day.  Please also take the time to make a donation to the wonderful Tiger Cubs of QPR Community Trust on the same site.