Amusing

Queens Park Rangers 2 Charlton Athletic 1


I am thankful that my last game of the season was a win, albeit an 'ugly' one, with a beautiful goal in the final minutes courtesy of El Khayati. It felt good to be with friends and have an excuse to give them a huge hug when that goal was scored. I also celebrated afterwards at my leaving drinks with many great friends who took time out of their day to join me. I'll miss you lot! The next day I also found out I had won a bet on the Grand National - picking the name based on the old Tears For Fears hit - Everybody Wants to Rule the World (not the Take That song it was actually named after!). So all in all a positive and lucky week for the Emster.

I haven't quite figured out how I will continue writing about QPR from abroad, but I think with a bit of creative thinking and some help from friends I might just be able to do it and it might be even more amusing than usual. Watch this space.

And speaking of amusing things, the other night my neighbour reminded me of the 'radio show' that Gemma and I did 2 seasons ago for the Derby away game on Mixlr. The recording still sits on the Mixlr website and having not heard it since then I decided to have a little listen. Honestly, I had no idea just how funny it was. If you fancy a bit of light relief go to my showreel on: Showreel. I remember clearly how we were determined to make it crystal clear that no one should be listening if they were expecting any serious commentary. And as we poured glass after glass of wine, we must have sounded like the Patsy and Edina of football. And amazingly, we had about 60 listeners at one point-many of whom were not actually known to us. I honestly think there is still a gap in the market for frivolous and irreverent football humour coming from the female gender. A selection of great quotes to whet the appetite:

"If you want commentary you are in the wrong place."

"This is not professional, and it's very biased, and if there are any rude men around who are sexist you will hear this sound *sound machine plays*, and we will also be very sexist."

"Don't consider this a fact-based show."

"Richard is my neighbour, he is a big Snotts County fan, he is not actually with us today because his partner would be with us too and she would interrupt the whole time"

"Simon Thomas from Sky has over-plucked his eyebrows."

I do miss some of the old QPR podcasts that weren't always that serious. I remember the first one I went on which was called a 'spit and sawdust' episode. No special guests, no agenda. But I was in fits of laughter. The title of that podcast was 'Lucky Knickers'. Says it all really. More recently I saw the bit of controversy on twitter about the QPR Podcast a few days ago. Completely unfair really. Why complain when people are perfectly within their rights to do their own show and make their own commentary? If I could have an opinion though, I would only say that a bit more light humour would be add a bit more colour to the show... More recently I enjoyed the kids being invited on to the show. Kids always have a way of telling the God honest truth completely innocently. Was it Finney's daughter who said she supported QPR because her Dad made her? Very funny.

I fly out to Asia in 3 days and it feels unreal that the long wait of about 7 months is coming to an end. My fingers and toes are crossed that I will find as much laughter and fun in the next year as I have had with my friends and family here.

You RRRRRRSSSS

Milestones

Too many games...

Last one: Leeds Utd 1 Queens Park Rangers 1

A huge apology for being very lax in writing posts this year. I haven't forgotten the blog, or some of my supportive readers. I have been very busy planning my long sabbatical from work and from London which starts tomorrow.

There is much to tell everyone and there will be many blog posts to come. It will be Emily's QPR blog from abroad. So it comes with more of a twist than it already does and I hope that you do enjoy reading my stories on my journey of discovery and about how much I miss QPR over the coming year.

There did come a point at one stage in my life where I felt that nothing was moving forward anymore. I felt a bit stuck. But one thing this past year has taught me is that only you can make yourself feel that way and there is always a way to do the things you love and be the person you want to be. And that life is full of milestones...right up until the very end.

I am feeling that QPR is currently reaching a milestone of calm and stability and I am very excited to see how this will form the basis of a team that we've been waiting to see for many many years. I have great faith in JFH and I like the intelligence and decent behaviour he brings to the table. Not many people like that around these days I am afraid. Gold dust.

You'll hear from me soon and I'll see some of you at my last home game on Saturday vs. Charlton.

Come on you RRRRRsssss

Moving on

Queens Park Rangers 1 Hull City 2

Nottingham Forest 1 Queens Park Rangers 0

Blackburn Rovers 1 Queens Park Rangers 1

Rotherham Utd 0 Queens Park Rangers 3

Queens Park Rangers 1 Wolves 1

Nottingham Forest 0 Queens Park Rangers 0

Queens Park Rangers 1 Ipswich Town

Queens Park Rangers 1 Fulham 3

There is this song by Hard Fi called Move On Now which I quite like. Hard Fi aren't in my top ten list of bands, but they can write songs and Move On Now is a strange ballad for a rock band -with a trumpet in the middle...a sort of jazzy interlude for the rest of that breakthrough album: Stars of CCTV. Of course, the title speaks for itself. This solemn sort of song about a broken relationship as he looks out his window to the planes taking off from Heathrow I have always found touching.

It's a song that's been in my head a lot during this time of great transition both in my life and in the life of QPR. All the more apt when I hear:

Looking out my bedroom window

See the planes take off from Heathrow

One by one they come and go

On and on, on and on

Think about this place I call home

All the shots and all that come

All around, all around

Clubs have all closed down

Nothing's going on round here, it's time we left town

Before it brings us down, down, down

I suppose the one thing I can say as I read this is that there is no way I am getting out of QPR. It's stuck with me as much as I am stuck with it. I am annoyed and angry but I haven't shut up shop just yet. I am good with being angry at the club and the players. I get that. But let's not be so hard on ourselves...Given that we've lost so much recently, we have to remember we are ourselves impacted by grief and change. And if we take that in to account I suspect we're only on stage two of the five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance).

I think about the places I'd go

It makes me think of the monotony; what it has been like sitting at Loftus Road week in week out. And the reason for the lack of blog posts from me this year...I remember bringing a friend to Loftus Road many years ago. He was trying to like the football for me. But from our seat in South Africa Road he literally plane-watched. I didn't understand it as things were different on the pitch then. But I sure as hell would understand it now. It might be more exciting if I played 'guess the airline' with my Flight Radar App. Endless hours of fun.

I was out of town during the last match against Fulham and out of town again this time. I suppose I must be grateful for being so fortunate, although sometimes superstition does kick in and I think, would we have won if I was there? Fat chance. I did watch on the net though, and from the off I could hear our fans doing their part in what should be a derby where the team must come out for a fight. Twenty minutes in though, and I thought...something just isn't working here. Forty five minutes and I wondered why I had even bothered. At sixty minutes I started falling asleep. And then of course there was the twitter meltdown. Fans angry at the performance, angry at the team's attitude...and rightly so. People calling for the board to sort things out, people calling for Fernandes' head. People are revolted, disgusted...

I honestly don't know where I stand on all of that. There isn't enough that we are exposed to, to truly know the ins and outs both at board level and in the training ground. But what I do know, is that management during a transition period is always hard. There may be times when results go our way and other times when they will not. At the very least, you want the team to show pride in wearing the shirt, a positive attitude. But the human spirit is fragile- what do we know about what might have happened in the dressing room that morning. Or in all the players' various homes - a row with the WAG perhaps or up all night with a new-born baby? Who knows? And how does a manager 'manage' that?

Of course I hope the reason for such a poor performance does lie within the realms of a fortune as opposed to a lack of respect for the shirt. And on that basis, let's say I am not optimistic, but I am sympathetic to the cause of transition and change. It take time, it really does. But for us fans, time is always of the essence because we spend so much of it being such passionate supporters. For many of us, it's the one thing we look forward to week in week out.

Move on Now finishes:

Dance halls are empty

Got a feeling my love, we've gotta get out

It might also be worth just sitting back and continue watching the planes land at Heathrow with that jazzy trumpet playing in the background and just letting things be. Something will move on one day. 

Resolutions

Reading 0 Queens Park Rangers 1
Queens Park Rangers 0 Burnley 0
Queens Park Rangers 2 Brighton Hove Albion 2
Bristol City 1 Queens Park Rangers 1
Ipswich Town 2 Queens Park Rangers 1
Queens Park Rangers 1 Huddersfield Town 1

2015 has been a tough year for me, and for many friends. It's also been a pretty shoddy year for QPR. We haven't even had a lucky win at Wembley to provide rose tinted spectacles...

I am hoping that 2016 will be bring us better luck and fortune. And for the first time in many years I may even set myself some new year resolutions. Perhaps QPR could learn a thing or two from my 4.

1. Have a bit more belief

There is nothing wrong with respecting others for their own ability and success. But not to the detriment of your own self-belief and confidence. I find as I progress in my own career much of my time is actually spent problem solving: problem solving the most strategic issues that a client has, through to the most mundane day to stay stuff. And although it can feel frustrating at times, actually, days go much more smoothly when I realise that it IS actually is my job and that's exactly what I am good at. And most of the time, when I don't pay too much respect for others getting stuff right I usually find that something was done wrong...and the problem is then easily solved.  That's not to poopoo others and their work but it's much more helpful to keep an open mind and make no assumptions. I've heard JFH say a few times that we must 'respect' other teams. Agree to an extent, but only to an extent. If you can't believe you can be better or that others can fail, your success will only be limited.

2. Don't stand still

It's easy to get stuck in a rut sometimes, or in a boring routine, feeling as if nothing changes or nothing new and exciting is happening. Well, that's okay if you want some peace and not too much action. But nothing changes if you stand still. At QPR we have had a lot of change, and it would certainly be nice to see some stability at the club in terms of the way it's being managed. But I am keen to see more change in how the team is playing, and what we are relying on. It's apparent to all that without Charlie we struggle to score goals. Something has to change in the team and the tactics to truly make us a great team. It can't simply be all about Charlie. Great teams do have great strikers, but they also have  a great 'everyone else' that they do without those strikers sometimes. The sun will always rise tomorrow, and Charlie may or may not play for us again. But what moves are we going to make to get us to being a good team, and not just Charlie's team? I feel today's match against Huddersfield is a great example of us standing still mentally and physically!!

3. Do more for others

2016 is going to be a massive year for me in terms of my involvement in more charity work. More details to follow...but it's been a dream of mine since I was 18 to spend real quality time doing something to help others less fortunate than myself. I think QPR as a club does some great things for the community. It makes me very proud to be a Rangers supporter, to see what everyone at QPR in the Community Trust does, and how fans pull together for their causes. I like how our fans pull together for our ex players too. I think on a 'footballing' level, I'd like to see a bit more work being done to really get some of our players playing up to their full potential. I am talking about the transformation we have seen in Hoilett- he's gone from toilet to a shiny new player. In the programme today he says 'Every professional footballer wants to play every week. But I've got good family and friends who helped me through what was a difficult period for me'. Well, that's okay, but what about the manager and coaches themselves bringing out some of that confidence and potential in the players? There is a worrying situation of decent players sitting on the bench: Luongo, JET and Chery...are we doing enough to bring them through as valuable alternatives. We seem to be continuing to play under-achievers (e.g. Fer, Polter and Phillips) until the manager is just completely fed up with them. How you manage people, other than simply telling them what to do, is critical to the success of the team.

4. Have some fun!

Yeah. Sometimes we can take things waaay to seriously. 2016 is going to be a bit more about fun and laughter. I will force myself to go out more often, and I won't work too hard. I have often met the people I call my best friends when I've been out and about. JFH strikes me as someone who is very earnestly serious. While it's important to be serious about the job in hand at QPR, we need to lighten up a little bit. Admittedly this is not helped by our owners aiming for a play off place. But why why why should we? Does it really help in the long term? Why can't we focus on what we have, and hope for the best? Often the best results happen when you aren't worrying too much and when you are enjoying yourself. There is also something to be said for hearing naughty stories about the lads having a good old piss up together. Nothing like bonding over a beer or ten.

At this point I'd like to thank everyone for continuing to read and support the blog. I do feel an obligation to write even when a handful of you respond!

Here is to a bright, and hopefully more adventurous 2016 for QPR. Oh, and for me too.

Love in all its forms

Derby County 1 Queens Park Rangers 0
Queens Park Rangers 0 Preston North End 0
Middlesbrough 1 Queens Park Rangers 0
Queens Park Rangers 1 Leeds United 0

When I was much younger I fell in love all the time. I don't know if it's a girl thing. Maybe it is. But I was always falling in love whether it was on holiday (Mauritian hotel host, boy at disco in Manila), at school (first kiss, first boyfriend, well..first everything), or during my gap year (love of my life, love at first sight, several dodgy dates).  That slowed down 'big time' in my working years. People always ask why I am still single. I am now at that age where there are big questions why. And I must say I do wonder whether I smell sometimes. I hear from others that people who live alone don't always notice how they look or smell. This can be a worry.

So, is it work? Or is it all the other things happening in my life that have taken up so much time? Tending to  my mother before she died for example being a big thing. Or is it that since then my version of love simply isn't the same as it once was. Out at dinner with a friend this week talking about this very topic he was shocked at my point of view, as if I was missing out on something by not searching for that exciting and almost dangerous feeling. Maybe it just isn't this tumultuous butterfly in tummy inducing event any more I thought... perhaps it is something a little less obvious, but no less special .

But the conversation did make me think.

Supporting QPR has been one of the things that I have wrapped around me as a blanket these past few years. If one wanted to use an analogy this is one messed up love affair where I (and several other partners in the harem) are simply not getting much in return. Sometimes we are unfairly abused despite our best efforts. There have been some moments of extreme excitement. For me that Liverpool win a few years back at home, under the lights, with Mackie scoring the winner and of course that day at Wembley in 2014 stand out for me. But these last few games I have literally questioned just exactly what have I been getting out of this relationship. Apart from no wins...goal level at zero was starting to become extremely boring. Consistent, reliable but boring and not very good. Now...if I think about it, who really wants that? Especially when, to be honest, in all other areas, the club isn't yet ticking all the boxes we have asked of it (e.g. clear strategy for management, youth development, team selection, transfer policy etc). I suppose I might take such performances if those areas were much clearer but at the moment, all that I  hear and see has felt a little nebulous to me and therefore most performances have been so dull I haven't felt the inspiration to write about them.

Yesterday, however, I was given a glimpse of hope. I am hoping that by choice (outside of striker injury!) rather than by default the team selection was impeccable.  Defensively strong, a midfield that could pass the ball - Hoilett, Petrasso (youth!), and Sandro all committing and working for each other.  Simple and basic things being done correctly and so obviously under the influence of Warnock. It was a pleasure once again. And Charlie oh Charlie, once again proving his worth.

It is no secret that my obsession with Niko Kranjcar petered out towards the end of last season. It was always a battle between Charlie and Niko. And the truth is that while Niko was probably the most handsome man I have ever seen (EVER), Charlie was really always the one. Because he can really play football. I mean really. He doesn't just score goals, but he is always there, off the ball as well as on it, defensively and in the midfield too. Does my heart flutter when he walks past me, or when I watch the little video from him saying 'get well soon'? Maybe it does.

And maybe just maybe, I am not so boring about love after all.

Fate or fortune

Queens Park Rangers 2 Blackburn Rovers 2
Hull City 1 Queens Park Rangers 1
Fulham 4 Queens Park Rangers 0
Queens Park Rangers 4 Bolton Wanderers 3
Birmingham City 2 Queens Park Rangers 1
Queens Park Rangers 0 Sheffield Wednesday 0
Queens Park Rangers 3 MK Dons 0
Brentford 1  Queens Park Rangers 0

Firstly, I must make a massive apology for not writing a post for so long. I always knew that travel plans would mean I'd miss some games...so I listened to many of the earlier ones from abroad. Fulham away was listened to for one very exciting minute (the remaining 44 being very depressing) on the wifi of Turkish Airlines during an 11 hour flight from Hong Kong to Istanbul. Needless to say I had the great excuse of being too tired and jet lagged to really be able to concentrate on the 2nd half so at 3-0 down I switched off and slept.

Looking at the results above just as a plain list without any context it's pretty hard to find any real rhyme, reason or pattern there. I guess except to say that perhaps we've stopped leaking too many goals- thanks probably to the inclusion of Clint Hill in the squad and Warnock in his suspicious 'advisory' role. And I guess for me it's emblematic of how I've been feeling about things lately. Sometimes it's easy to be fatalistic about things, often it's romantic notions that make me lean that way. But sometimes things just happen and there isn't a whole lot of decent explanation why.

It's been a crazy few weeks and I've missed most of the above games both home and away which is rare for me. As I said, initially due to travel but more recently after coming back from the Philippines I was hit, unknowingly at first, with Dengue fever. Having been admitted quickly in to hospital after a visit to the GP I was frightened as hell having not spent any time in hospital since I was 8 years old when I had my adenoids taken out. So I've spent the last 2 weeks ill, being prodded, tested and then diagnosed with Dengue, and the last week thankfully recovering at home. Dengue in general isn't dangerous but it can kill and there is no immunisation as yet. And I never in a million years thought I might get it because I've never really been one to get mosquito bites and I've spent several years travelling back and forth from Asia...and was born there. But Dengue can happen to anyone, not just 'travellers'. As they say 's*** happens'.

Having spent, for the first time in many years,  so many games listening from far away or in a sick bed - and not being able to see much action in the flesh, it's been so hard to get a real sense of what has been going on. And again looking at the list of results it's almost as if the only explanation I can give for the rather random set of numbers, is that s** is seriously happening. Scientific I know (and just the rational report you've been waiting for from me!).

Seriously though, I talk about the defensive improvements that have been made. But having been able to watch the Brentford game on telly last night, and from everything I am seeing on twitter and hearing from friends, it looks as if we've made a bit of an assumption that our issue has been defence. But in our over subscribed mid field I am seeing gaping issues and a lack of creativity. Henry, weirdly for me, is a great defensive midfielder for the Premier League, but in a league where we should have a bit more attacking scope why aren't we seeing a bit more of Faurlin? And last night's subs confused me- Chery off for Austin, and Luongo for Hoilett? I'm no tactician but why are we removing our hope for midfield creativity. Henry and Tozser are just not cutting it for me right now. And what is Gladwin doing back at Swindon? Random random random...

Having been a bonkers year for me which I am not sure I could have predicted on New Year's Eve 2014, I can only say that I am unable to provide any predictions for QPR and what is to come. What I can say for sure though is that the last few weeks have helped me to remember all the important things. Family, friends and QPR have all been very sweet and and whilst it was touch and go on how serious my illness at one point, it's not a jot on some of the things some of my dearest friends have been through this year. So I am very grateful and a little embarrassed by the attention.

Our performances of late (regardless of results), have certainly been disappointing, but I am still extremely proud of supporting a club with players that do take the time out for individual fans. I've always known that was the case, but I have now experienced it first hand.

Thanks you to Charlie, Clint and the club and thanks to my wonderful friends. And good luck to the lads over the next few weeks.  Whilst we are unsure of our fate for now, it looks like we're going to need a bit of good fortune (wink).

Making the best

Queens Park Rangers 1 Carlisle United 2 (Capital One Cup)
Huddersfield 0 Queens Park Rangers 1
Queens Park Rangers 1 Nottingham Forest 2

Yesterday's match was in one word, a disaster! With the game in our control and a moment of weakness it was quickly taken away from us. Oh, think of all the parallels I can draw with life and those moments of panic and loss of control.

I had this blog post all planned out before yesterday's match. It was going to be about Charlie and all the other players that stayed at QPR on transfer deadline day and about how, at that point, all our minds were on making the best of what we thought we were going to have (none of them). Then I was going to talk about how, now with those players (Greeno, Matty, Charlie), our best could be even better than we had first assumed.

It's a funny old world, when events conspire against you, and not for lack of trying. No, I don't think we were great at all yesterday, but I would certainly say we need to give Forest a bit of credit for frustrating our style of play. It was tricky from the start- I could feel the tension and even tweeted that I could see red cards coming our way. Little did I know it was come at such a heavy price. And I am a bloody softy really. I have way too much empathy than I'd like (often to my own detriment), that when I got home and saw Greeno's face on the telly, I actually felt sorry for him. I couldn't really tell what sort of expression he did have - it was somewhere between embarrassment and tearfulness (or maybe it was simply the strong sun in his eyes).

And speaking of expressions, from the moment Charlie got on the pitch I could see this match was going to be an important one for him. After all the press (which is still ongoing and is now about the January transfer window!), and the palaver surrounding a potential departure from Loftus Road, Charlie is a true professional in the sense that he is guided by decent principles that anyone would respect: Those that protect his family, his personal growth and the people that have done good by him in his life. And yesterday he looked pumped up and serious about the game. Perhaps you could say it's because he didn't come through the academy system and that's why he's like that. Or the other well-often scribed view, is that because he was a brickie 6 years ago he knows the value of hard work. But the more I think about it, the more I realise that that is simply who Charlie is and how he was brought up. I think he would have been the same person, academy or not. Having said that, he had a point to prove. After scoring what was, to me, a truly magnificent Charlie special, he ran over to South Africa Road and looked up to our block with a deadly serious face and his finger to his lips. I was in cloud 9, and assumed at first that he was looking at me (remember #slidingmovements) - and then I thought perhaps it was a Sky camera man because maybe he was silencing David Sullivan and anyone else who had doubts about his Premier League ability. Only later I was told some bloke in our block had heckled him about his work rate apparently. He was silencing the critics, but silencing those our very own ground. Who would have thought?

So what of the future now that the dust has almost settled until January at least? I am still seeing a team working hard to play as a team at least on a personal level. With the muted atmosphere yesterday I could hear them talking to each other, encouraging each other, and obviously playing out some formations learned in training. There is plenty to work on tactically and I am not sure everyone is 100% happy or comfortable where they are positioned. But I'm happy with what is being pulled together as it is all being done with the right attitude that we've been begging for for years. Life ain't all roses as we know, and 'clutzy' mistakes will happen. Dear old Smithies now has the mammoth task of winning the hearts and the trust of fans for the next three games. But like us, he's got to make the most of what he's got. It's a challenge which must be seen as a great opportunity - and I wish him all the best.

You RRRs