Remember Love

A season preview from afar...

Well hello there everyone. It feels like a lifetime since the end of last season especially now that I am living abroad. I've been asked by several friends to keep up with the blogging, so I will do my best to do so even though I won't be able to watch every single game.

Not working for the last 4 months has been a very strange feeling, but it's probably the best (and luckiest) decision I've ever made in my life. As per previous blogs, it hasn't been the easiest settling in but things have improved now that I am now doing all the things I want to do - helping others, enjoying music and travelling the country and Asia.  Nevertheless, I know that this coming week is going to be a little more painful because the new season starts and I will long for Loftus Road and I will miss my friends even more. I'll miss the cheeky Nando's, the walk down South Africa Road and picking up AKUTRS, a drink and/or a boogie at the Springbok (which I hear is now closed!), a Tequila at Habanera,  a hug of joy after a win or a hug of commiseration with my footie friends...Sigh. What have I left behind?

For those long time readers of my blog, you will know that 2015 was not the greatest of years. In truth, 2016 didn't improve a lot for many of my friends or family either. A big shock for me happened when one of my best friends was struck with Influenza in March and it was really touch and go at one stage. It was only the day before I had left for the Philippines that she was finally out of her coma and began to talk again. I feel blessed to have been able to witness it before departing. I am also happy to say that after four months in hospital she is now healthy and at home!

My late mother used to tell me that what was important in life was not all the events that occurred or happened to you but the way that you dealt with those events. Perhaps a nice way of saying 'shit will happen,  deal with it'', but I like to think nowadays that it simply it re-iterates the old saying 'Life is a journey, not a destination.' And through all that has happened these past 18 months, my brother has been giving me some great meditation tips. He came to visit me here last month and I was so pleased to see him. One morning, after a pumped up gym session we had a 15 minute meditation session.  As  'new age' as it seems, I learned a little something about just taking the time to simply breathe, love yourself and, love others and EVEN love someone who may be a stranger. Like that person who annoys you because she keeps spelling your name wrong at Starbucks, or the lady who never serves you at the bar, or the man who doesn't stand up for a pregnant lady on the tube. I am sure there is a much more intelligent reason behind this meditation but for me it just signifies that sometimes it is better for your health to just let go and remember love. And if perhaps you are a little lost, you might just find love for yourself.

It was interesting listening to the latest QPRPOD today and the difference in opinion between Clive and Paul- one believes that this pre season, we are being pragmatic and the other believes we are not being ambitious enough. We've got a Championship now full of massive clubs having come up from below as well as those relegated from the PL. We've got a few important players but nothing ground-breaking and we're still without a new striker in sight. It's been a pretty low-key pre-season (perhaps the one we've always wanted?). With this context and having seen last year's wild and unexpected Premier League result I suspect what we will find that this season one of the toughest to predict. So whilst I love the banter, the arguments and the varying ambitions amongst the QPR fans...I am going to resign myself a little to fate and let go and remember love (or at least, I'll try!).  So what if the third kit isn't great, so what if Polter will be our hero next season, so what even if the lower loft is still the family stand this season? Blah blah blah.

On that note, this week I will be embarking on a journey with a group called Dream Big Pilipinas which focuses on transforming under-privileged children's lives her in the Philippines through football and education. In a country which is obsessed with boxing and basketball I am super excited to see the work that they are doing and hope that I can help them in some way. Take a look at their website and love a little.

I'll be watching on Sunday night from here, with hopefully not too many tears in my eyes.

You RRRRRRRSSS

Change

Burnley 1 Queens Park Rangers 0

Queens Park Rangers 1 Bristol City 0

Unfortunately I am not in a great position to comment on the quality of the last two matches. The first one started at the ungodly time of 2345 my time and I fell asleep mid way through, and I missed the other one completely forgetting the earlier kick off. Nevertheless, I continue to feel compelled to write and for some reason some of you still keep reading and wanting more. So it is a pleasure to continue, even though I know you know this isn't really a blog that's just about QPR. It's about everything really going on in my life. 

As you know I am currently in Manila and I've been witnessing what could be the most important election the Philippines has ever been through in its history. Who many people describe as the Philippines' own Donald Trump is about to be put in to power, and whilst he has been voted in by a disillusioned majority, there is an elite minority that are afraid of his rather extremist views and potential policies (never mind the boorish, oafish behaviour and comments). But in some ways, viewing it ever so slightly objectively, perhaps it is exactly what this country needs to create the change it badly needs. There are a lot of people that write a hell of a lot better than me about politics so please read this opinion on the 'phenomenon' of Duterte  by Jorge Mojarro Détente's rock start phenomenon to give you a little background and some good global comparison points. I suppose the defining comment for me is in his words 'Until now the system was being kept because it was beneficial for the political and economic elite, but the appearance of Détente might become an opportunity to acknowledge that the quality of democracy can and must be improved.'

It's very easy for British citizens living back in the UK to take for granted what has been a working, well oiled machine of democracy of its own. And what we are witnessing here in the Philippines is enough time passing now for an extremely young (since independence) and fast growing country and its people (of all classes and levels of wealth), learning to live with the consequences of what a real democracy is. And only time will tell whether the decision made at this election was the right one by the will of the people. If it is not, the country has to learn to do what it needs to do legally, rightfully and in peace if it has a chance in hell of progressing. 

Over the last 24 hours I've been seeing news about major changes taking place at Loftus Road. I must say, JFH does not hang about, and it has felt quite hurtful that Ale Faurlin and Clint Hill have been released. It has been quiite a shock to the system only a few days after the end of the season. And for some, ongoing talks to keep Hoilett the Toilet feels like rubbing salt in the wounds. On the other hand, I've liked JFH. I make no complaints about what he has done so far — no the results weren't amazing but they weren't too bad considering what he had to work with this season. And he just comes across as the 'right sort'. I've watched him shake the hands of every player from both teams and every official after every single match. This is decent behaviour to me and it shows me he is a thoughtful person on many levels.  But I've also seen him get riled up when he thinks people are taking the piss (near-fisticuffs at that match where Hoilett disappeared in to the ground), and I like the fact that he has fire in his belly.

Is he the person we need? And if we want real change at QPR, isn't he going to make some decisions that we aren't necessarily going to like? We didn't vote for him and nor did we interview him but for now surely we have to support him until such time that we feel he isn't doing the job he has been hired for, which presumably is to turn the club's fortune's around and create a stability and growth which we haven't seen at the club for several decades. 

I could be completely wrong, but let's trust him this summer and next season. Part of the responsibility for the progress we want at QPR lies on us fans supporting whoever is at the helm when required. Let's face it (and with all due respect to the American and Filipino electoral process), JFH is no Trump and no Duterte. We're in pretty safe hands. 

Adjusting

Cardiff City 0 Queens Park Rangers 0

Brighton Hove Albion 4 Queens Park Rangers 0

Queens Park Rangers 1 Reading 1

So, here goes my first blog post living away from London covering three matches I didn't get to see and only one which I was able to listen to fully (well, that's if you don't count the 5 minutes of the Leyton Orient match that was covered at the beginning)!

Life has been hot here in the Philippines. It's nearly 40 degrees during the day and generally very humid. But I am lucky to be living in a place that has this weird breeze which I think might be something to do with being by the Pasig River. This isn't the prettiest river in the world, but then again Manila was never the prettiest city. Well, not since about 1945 anyway. 

I've written before about how I've constantly tried to reconcile the fact that I come from two places. Even though I was born in the Philippines and spent much of my childhood here, I love the UK dearly as well. And even though I love the UK for its safety, it's organised way, its tolerant nature and lack of corruption, I am always drawn to the chaos, the dirt and the passion of the Philippines. It will be the story of my life until I leave this world. 

So in my first few days here, I can say I am still in a period of adjustment. Everything is different. And when I am on the other side (be it here or there) I often forget how different it is, and then realise I need to change a little. Expectations simply can't be the same, whether that be about how you eat, sleep, drink, exercise, hang out with friends or family...make plans. And things that you might be disappointed with in the UK are simply just the norm here. To be fair, the same goes the other way around. Last time I returned to the UK from 18 months living here it took me over a year to adjust to life again in the UK. Life is complicated though. It isn't as simple as just being in a different place with a different culture. Whatever one is going through personally has  a huge bearing on how one behaves, and how one deals with change. Past experiences have been painful for me whether it be centred around my love life, or the illness and death of my mother. And it's very strange to now be faced with no major challenges other than my own goals and dreams. I find it very hard to be selfish. 

The last three results at QPR can only be explained as indicative of a period of adjustment. And it's no bad thing. A 4-0 hammering at Brighton was upsetting but if we're honest with ourselves, it shouldn't be a surprise. They are better than us in many ways. The other two results, showed some promise but there is obviously still some work to do. Some things will obviously need to change (giving Washington more time perhaps), and other things may improve if Jimmy continues to push his work ethic. 

I asked my friends from the Tequila Rs to give me a quote or two of their view of yesterday's match. I haven't received them yet — but I did get a 'pre-match quote' from Gary which read:  'Boring game, why is Phillips playing? Good equaliser by Chery. Ref is terrible!' With hindsight, Gary wasn't spot on, but he wasn't far off. And I suppose having thought of this in the first place is an indication of how there are some things we should surely expect, and others we simply can't predict in this time of change. 

What I can say is that, like me, living out in a different world which I may well already be familiar with from years of living here in the past, we need to be patient. I believe that the world can change, and people can change — sometimes for the better. And the things that change for the worse, well life is too short to focus energy on those things. 

So, goodbye Phillips, but please stay Jimmy. I think you have the right ideas and the strength to make difficult decisions with an understanding of the culture and the colours of the club and its fans. Perhaps, like me, you could be (to use a phrase my brother coined), a cultural chameleon. 

Amusing

Queens Park Rangers 2 Charlton Athletic 1


I am thankful that my last game of the season was a win, albeit an 'ugly' one, with a beautiful goal in the final minutes courtesy of El Khayati. It felt good to be with friends and have an excuse to give them a huge hug when that goal was scored. I also celebrated afterwards at my leaving drinks with many great friends who took time out of their day to join me. I'll miss you lot! The next day I also found out I had won a bet on the Grand National - picking the name based on the old Tears For Fears hit - Everybody Wants to Rule the World (not the Take That song it was actually named after!). So all in all a positive and lucky week for the Emster.

I haven't quite figured out how I will continue writing about QPR from abroad, but I think with a bit of creative thinking and some help from friends I might just be able to do it and it might be even more amusing than usual. Watch this space.

And speaking of amusing things, the other night my neighbour reminded me of the 'radio show' that Gemma and I did 2 seasons ago for the Derby away game on Mixlr. The recording still sits on the Mixlr website and having not heard it since then I decided to have a little listen. Honestly, I had no idea just how funny it was. If you fancy a bit of light relief go to my showreel on: Showreel. I remember clearly how we were determined to make it crystal clear that no one should be listening if they were expecting any serious commentary. And as we poured glass after glass of wine, we must have sounded like the Patsy and Edina of football. And amazingly, we had about 60 listeners at one point-many of whom were not actually known to us. I honestly think there is still a gap in the market for frivolous and irreverent football humour coming from the female gender. A selection of great quotes to whet the appetite:

"If you want commentary you are in the wrong place."

"This is not professional, and it's very biased, and if there are any rude men around who are sexist you will hear this sound *sound machine plays*, and we will also be very sexist."

"Don't consider this a fact-based show."

"Richard is my neighbour, he is a big Snotts County fan, he is not actually with us today because his partner would be with us too and she would interrupt the whole time"

"Simon Thomas from Sky has over-plucked his eyebrows."

I do miss some of the old QPR podcasts that weren't always that serious. I remember the first one I went on which was called a 'spit and sawdust' episode. No special guests, no agenda. But I was in fits of laughter. The title of that podcast was 'Lucky Knickers'. Says it all really. More recently I saw the bit of controversy on twitter about the QPR Podcast a few days ago. Completely unfair really. Why complain when people are perfectly within their rights to do their own show and make their own commentary? If I could have an opinion though, I would only say that a bit more light humour would be add a bit more colour to the show... More recently I enjoyed the kids being invited on to the show. Kids always have a way of telling the God honest truth completely innocently. Was it Finney's daughter who said she supported QPR because her Dad made her? Very funny.

I fly out to Asia in 3 days and it feels unreal that the long wait of about 7 months is coming to an end. My fingers and toes are crossed that I will find as much laughter and fun in the next year as I have had with my friends and family here.

You RRRRRRSSSS

Milestones

Too many games...

Last one: Leeds Utd 1 Queens Park Rangers 1

A huge apology for being very lax in writing posts this year. I haven't forgotten the blog, or some of my supportive readers. I have been very busy planning my long sabbatical from work and from London which starts tomorrow.

There is much to tell everyone and there will be many blog posts to come. It will be Emily's QPR blog from abroad. So it comes with more of a twist than it already does and I hope that you do enjoy reading my stories on my journey of discovery and about how much I miss QPR over the coming year.

There did come a point at one stage in my life where I felt that nothing was moving forward anymore. I felt a bit stuck. But one thing this past year has taught me is that only you can make yourself feel that way and there is always a way to do the things you love and be the person you want to be. And that life is full of milestones...right up until the very end.

I am feeling that QPR is currently reaching a milestone of calm and stability and I am very excited to see how this will form the basis of a team that we've been waiting to see for many many years. I have great faith in JFH and I like the intelligence and decent behaviour he brings to the table. Not many people like that around these days I am afraid. Gold dust.

You'll hear from me soon and I'll see some of you at my last home game on Saturday vs. Charlton.

Come on you RRRRRsssss

Moving on

Queens Park Rangers 1 Hull City 2

Nottingham Forest 1 Queens Park Rangers 0

Blackburn Rovers 1 Queens Park Rangers 1

Rotherham Utd 0 Queens Park Rangers 3

Queens Park Rangers 1 Wolves 1

Nottingham Forest 0 Queens Park Rangers 0

Queens Park Rangers 1 Ipswich Town

Queens Park Rangers 1 Fulham 3

There is this song by Hard Fi called Move On Now which I quite like. Hard Fi aren't in my top ten list of bands, but they can write songs and Move On Now is a strange ballad for a rock band -with a trumpet in the middle...a sort of jazzy interlude for the rest of that breakthrough album: Stars of CCTV. Of course, the title speaks for itself. This solemn sort of song about a broken relationship as he looks out his window to the planes taking off from Heathrow I have always found touching.

It's a song that's been in my head a lot during this time of great transition both in my life and in the life of QPR. All the more apt when I hear:

Looking out my bedroom window

See the planes take off from Heathrow

One by one they come and go

On and on, on and on

Think about this place I call home

All the shots and all that come

All around, all around

Clubs have all closed down

Nothing's going on round here, it's time we left town

Before it brings us down, down, down

I suppose the one thing I can say as I read this is that there is no way I am getting out of QPR. It's stuck with me as much as I am stuck with it. I am annoyed and angry but I haven't shut up shop just yet. I am good with being angry at the club and the players. I get that. But let's not be so hard on ourselves...Given that we've lost so much recently, we have to remember we are ourselves impacted by grief and change. And if we take that in to account I suspect we're only on stage two of the five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance).

I think about the places I'd go

It makes me think of the monotony; what it has been like sitting at Loftus Road week in week out. And the reason for the lack of blog posts from me this year...I remember bringing a friend to Loftus Road many years ago. He was trying to like the football for me. But from our seat in South Africa Road he literally plane-watched. I didn't understand it as things were different on the pitch then. But I sure as hell would understand it now. It might be more exciting if I played 'guess the airline' with my Flight Radar App. Endless hours of fun.

I was out of town during the last match against Fulham and out of town again this time. I suppose I must be grateful for being so fortunate, although sometimes superstition does kick in and I think, would we have won if I was there? Fat chance. I did watch on the net though, and from the off I could hear our fans doing their part in what should be a derby where the team must come out for a fight. Twenty minutes in though, and I thought...something just isn't working here. Forty five minutes and I wondered why I had even bothered. At sixty minutes I started falling asleep. And then of course there was the twitter meltdown. Fans angry at the performance, angry at the team's attitude...and rightly so. People calling for the board to sort things out, people calling for Fernandes' head. People are revolted, disgusted...

I honestly don't know where I stand on all of that. There isn't enough that we are exposed to, to truly know the ins and outs both at board level and in the training ground. But what I do know, is that management during a transition period is always hard. There may be times when results go our way and other times when they will not. At the very least, you want the team to show pride in wearing the shirt, a positive attitude. But the human spirit is fragile- what do we know about what might have happened in the dressing room that morning. Or in all the players' various homes - a row with the WAG perhaps or up all night with a new-born baby? Who knows? And how does a manager 'manage' that?

Of course I hope the reason for such a poor performance does lie within the realms of a fortune as opposed to a lack of respect for the shirt. And on that basis, let's say I am not optimistic, but I am sympathetic to the cause of transition and change. It take time, it really does. But for us fans, time is always of the essence because we spend so much of it being such passionate supporters. For many of us, it's the one thing we look forward to week in week out.

Move on Now finishes:

Dance halls are empty

Got a feeling my love, we've gotta get out

It might also be worth just sitting back and continue watching the planes land at Heathrow with that jazzy trumpet playing in the background and just letting things be. Something will move on one day. 

Resolutions

Reading 0 Queens Park Rangers 1
Queens Park Rangers 0 Burnley 0
Queens Park Rangers 2 Brighton Hove Albion 2
Bristol City 1 Queens Park Rangers 1
Ipswich Town 2 Queens Park Rangers 1
Queens Park Rangers 1 Huddersfield Town 1

2015 has been a tough year for me, and for many friends. It's also been a pretty shoddy year for QPR. We haven't even had a lucky win at Wembley to provide rose tinted spectacles...

I am hoping that 2016 will be bring us better luck and fortune. And for the first time in many years I may even set myself some new year resolutions. Perhaps QPR could learn a thing or two from my 4.

1. Have a bit more belief

There is nothing wrong with respecting others for their own ability and success. But not to the detriment of your own self-belief and confidence. I find as I progress in my own career much of my time is actually spent problem solving: problem solving the most strategic issues that a client has, through to the most mundane day to stay stuff. And although it can feel frustrating at times, actually, days go much more smoothly when I realise that it IS actually is my job and that's exactly what I am good at. And most of the time, when I don't pay too much respect for others getting stuff right I usually find that something was done wrong...and the problem is then easily solved.  That's not to poopoo others and their work but it's much more helpful to keep an open mind and make no assumptions. I've heard JFH say a few times that we must 'respect' other teams. Agree to an extent, but only to an extent. If you can't believe you can be better or that others can fail, your success will only be limited.

2. Don't stand still

It's easy to get stuck in a rut sometimes, or in a boring routine, feeling as if nothing changes or nothing new and exciting is happening. Well, that's okay if you want some peace and not too much action. But nothing changes if you stand still. At QPR we have had a lot of change, and it would certainly be nice to see some stability at the club in terms of the way it's being managed. But I am keen to see more change in how the team is playing, and what we are relying on. It's apparent to all that without Charlie we struggle to score goals. Something has to change in the team and the tactics to truly make us a great team. It can't simply be all about Charlie. Great teams do have great strikers, but they also have  a great 'everyone else' that they do without those strikers sometimes. The sun will always rise tomorrow, and Charlie may or may not play for us again. But what moves are we going to make to get us to being a good team, and not just Charlie's team? I feel today's match against Huddersfield is a great example of us standing still mentally and physically!!

3. Do more for others

2016 is going to be a massive year for me in terms of my involvement in more charity work. More details to follow...but it's been a dream of mine since I was 18 to spend real quality time doing something to help others less fortunate than myself. I think QPR as a club does some great things for the community. It makes me very proud to be a Rangers supporter, to see what everyone at QPR in the Community Trust does, and how fans pull together for their causes. I like how our fans pull together for our ex players too. I think on a 'footballing' level, I'd like to see a bit more work being done to really get some of our players playing up to their full potential. I am talking about the transformation we have seen in Hoilett- he's gone from toilet to a shiny new player. In the programme today he says 'Every professional footballer wants to play every week. But I've got good family and friends who helped me through what was a difficult period for me'. Well, that's okay, but what about the manager and coaches themselves bringing out some of that confidence and potential in the players? There is a worrying situation of decent players sitting on the bench: Luongo, JET and Chery...are we doing enough to bring them through as valuable alternatives. We seem to be continuing to play under-achievers (e.g. Fer, Polter and Phillips) until the manager is just completely fed up with them. How you manage people, other than simply telling them what to do, is critical to the success of the team.

4. Have some fun!

Yeah. Sometimes we can take things waaay to seriously. 2016 is going to be a bit more about fun and laughter. I will force myself to go out more often, and I won't work too hard. I have often met the people I call my best friends when I've been out and about. JFH strikes me as someone who is very earnestly serious. While it's important to be serious about the job in hand at QPR, we need to lighten up a little bit. Admittedly this is not helped by our owners aiming for a play off place. But why why why should we? Does it really help in the long term? Why can't we focus on what we have, and hope for the best? Often the best results happen when you aren't worrying too much and when you are enjoying yourself. There is also something to be said for hearing naughty stories about the lads having a good old piss up together. Nothing like bonding over a beer or ten.

At this point I'd like to thank everyone for continuing to read and support the blog. I do feel an obligation to write even when a handful of you respond!

Here is to a bright, and hopefully more adventurous 2016 for QPR. Oh, and for me too.