So close

Aston Villa 3 Queens Park Rangers 2

Fulham 3 Queens Park Rangers 2

After a few weeks off, I write this in a strangest of moods. I'm in a sort of half relieved, half angry mood. The last couple of weeks has taken me across the pond for work, and while club football closed down for the internationals I felt a little sad to be far away from home and yet happy to just forget the loss at Villa Park.

Villa Park was a great day out for me in some ways. I was honoured with my dear father @tonydedude's presence, and it was a chance to bond with the man responsible for my addiction to QPR. Not usually his style, he even wore the famous red and black QPR top for me (thanks Dad). We did all the things that you do when you are out with your Dad - nearly miss the train, forget to get a spoon or fork for our take away meal, forget to bring a paper from home for the train journey etc. etc..  Well, as far as I was concerned it was all the better for being able to partake in rare conversation.

The match, on the other hand was fantastic for the neutral, but painful for us. And since it was so long ago now and the we've since experienced another away match of the same score line and the same level of disappointment perhaps I need not delve in to the detail of the whys and wherefores of the poor performance  and our inability to play well for more than 40 minutes.

What I'd like to do instead is share with you a few songs that have passed through my mind these past weeks as we have seen QPR come so close and yet still remain so far from our hope of Premier League survival. This, all in my own hope, of making a few people smile and perhaps shed a few bitter-sweet tears as we near the final chapter of this season and suffer from one of the bleakest, longest and coldest winters I can remember.

Enjoy everyone!!

Running by Jessie Ware

A love song that spells out my obsession with QPR. 'I'm ready to lose it all...' she sings. 'Never give up...never give up.'  My track of the last 12 months. Amazing.

With or Without you by U2

I had this on repeat on my iPod after the Sunderland game at home. It was a great feeling to have such a big win, but, like the song's perfect orchestration I was full of that bitter-sweet feeling of 'hurray, but how long will this last?'

So far away by Kaskade & Seamus Haji ft. Haley

One of my top dance tunes from the last couple of years, there's something about the lyrics 'Live for the night, suffer the day, run from the light, so far away' that reminds me of wanting to close my eyes whenever we're about to attempt to score from a penalty.

Twisted by Ultra Nate

Known more for that bobby 90s track 'Free', this is a masterpiece of a song- one that I always imagine performing with a fabulous jazz band to back me up. Again, a reminder of how twisted our love for QPR can make us.

So Close - by Daryl Hall and John Oats: 

One of Hall and Oats's later tracks released in 1990. A love song that still resonates when I think of QPR. Lyrics like: 'So close, yet so far away, we believe in tomorrow, maybe more than today, we're so close, yet so far away' encapsulates in a nutshell the crap we have to go through when we watch our beloved team week in and week out. And yet still we many of us manage to pick ourselves up and look to the future in the hope of some wins.

A Letter from Santa's Friend

Queens Park Rangers 3 Sunderland 1

Dearest Emily,

I bet you are surprised to hear from me, the Easter Bunny. I know you didn't write to me. You don't think quite so highly of me, as you do of Santa. But one thing you maybe didn't know is that Santa and I live next door to each other. And when you wrote to him back in December he told me all about your story and the things he had arranged for the Chelsea win. I became fascinated by your story, and I've been following the Rs ever since.

It hasn't all been great for Rangers since then I suppose. A missed penalty against Norwich seemed to be a turning point for the worse. And the 4-1 drubbing at Swansea was like a nail in the coffin in some ways. I know you felt that way anyway, because your blogs were so bloody depressing I was quite close to slitting my chocolate wrists on a couple of occasions. It's a good thing Mrs Bunny had caught me close to the act, and reminded me that life wasn't all about football and your blog and that I had a duty to several children every Easter that required my utmost commitment.

However, as Santa had pointed out to you in his letter to you, you do have this tendency to be extremely pessimistic about things. I realise it isn't as if QPR have been winning regularly, but did you ever expect to get anything out of Swansea away and United at home? I think you were jumping to a quick conclusion without considering the next potential run of winnable matches. In addition to that, I must tell you off for promising people at Yates's bar in Southampton last week that you would write a cheerful blog. You really do have to keep your promises young lady, or was that a promise made under the influence of one pint too many? Dear dear dear.

To be fair, though. I think I can understand where you are coming from. From what I've observed over the last couple of months, supporting a football team like QPR is a little like an illicit love affair: it's lots of ups, but plenty of downs, with passionate fights as well as big fat snogs, it's sometimes good for you..but very often it's terribly bad for you...you can't live with it, yet you can't live without it. I had no idea that it was quite so charged. And amazingly, the QPR fans keep coming back for more. Over 3,000 fans went to Southampton last week off the back of two lacklustre performances by their team. Just what were they hoping for? Well, I suppose it is all about the magic of football. The very thought that anything could happen and the mere possibility of a win keeps people coming back.

So I was shooting hoops last night with Santa (as you can imagine, I have a bit of a 'hopping' advantage', but hey, he gets to ride a sleigh in the sky every year). And he reminded me that the boys were playing Sunderland today. I rang up Mythical Character Satellite TV company to find out whether the game was on. Would you believe, they were going to charge me a special fee to get it on my TV, even after I had delivered several bespoke chocolate Easter eggs to their office last year? Once I had stern words with the CEO they finally acceded to sorting it out for me FOC. As I settled in to my settee I must say I did think QPR had a fantastic chance of winning, but I didn't think it would be with 3 goals, two of which could be contenders for goal of the month! (Wasn't Townsend fab?). And much as it pains me to say it, perhaps the Arctic training camp that Santa sent Bosingwa on has turned him a little. He's actually playing quite well now, but I admit once in a while we still get the sulks from him - a sort of languid stomping motion which I saw a couple of times at Loftus Road today (don't worry, he is not getting any chocolates this Easter). He really does have this odd manner about him, but I think that's also the case off the pitch. I saw the photos of him 'hanging out' by the pool in Dubai and he was looking extremely out of place wrapped in a towel both by the bar and his sun lounger. And who was that blond girl standing opposite him, surely she should have been standing closer to some of the more 'ripped' looking players who had their swimmers and no top on...As you people on twitter say #fail.

Anyway, you must be pleased with such a comprehensive win today? And I heard that QPR, for the second week in a row, will be making it on to Match of the Day first. Surely, you might start to believe that now it might just be possible for QPR to survive? I really do feel for you though, as on this current form and what with the battles around you, it really looks set to be another tumultuous end of season. It certainly isn't going to be settled early, either way. However, thank God you have got back to back wins, and a couple of away wins under Harry. It's such a unique little run for you. Looking back on Hughes, he really was awful wasn't he? What a complete mess he made of the team.

On another note before I sign off I'd like to remind you of what makes supporting QPR so great. Today you met @rafafernande82 (who flew all the way from the USA) and @julieqpr as well as @g_a_zz at the Springbok before the match, along with many other amazing friends you have made at QPR through that twitter world. Admittedly, there are several weirdos on it, and there are several people you'd rather not follow due to the plethora of swear words as well as the abuse they hurl at other QPR fans (not to mention a few idiots intent on bashing Koreans for 'taking their seats' in language that is purely racist). But for the most part, when you meet many of them it must remind you of what is special about being a Rangers fan: that sense of family, togetherness and a welcoming nature.

My one wish for you regardless of whether the Rangers stay up or not, is that the owners never lose sight of this and make sure they nurture it as much as possible. Looking around at all the other Premier League clubs this makes QPR truly unique.

And I wish you, and all the QPR fans an enjoyable last 9 games, whatever happens.

With much love,

The Easter Bunny

Encl. Blue and white hooped Easter eggs

Emily, Gary, Rafae, Sandy

Laura, Emily, Gemma

Julie, Emily, Gary, Sandy

The Fickle Finger of Fortune

Southampton 1 Queens Park Rangers 2

As I drank my pint of Doombar at Yates's of Above Bar Street, Southampton, I promised myself that this blog would be a cheerful one - win lose or draw. It was hard not to feel cheerful as I met with a few pals and absorbed the extremely inebriated atmosphere at said bar. There must have been a good thousand of us packed over two floors of the place, and I was impressed by the lack of anger at the press that had come out overnight about QPR players apparently enjoying gin-soaked nights in Dubai. It was almost as if, being deliriously happy and drunken that day, was probably about the only way us fans could face another potential away loss, this time at St Mary's. As far as many of us were concerned, fate was going to deal us another big blow.

I, however...couldn't quite feel the love of the pub, until Remy had scored the first goal. Plonked in the back yet again, in row LL I had a group of fans behind me who decided it would be fun to shout abuse at each other in that 'oh so manly' way for absolutely no reason. Words like 'you wanna take this somewhere else,' 'don't you dare talk to me that way,'  yada yada yada. So boring. I couldn't help it and had to to tell them to shut up and watch the football. I must say, I do believe that part of this 'tension' was brought about by the fact that we were playing pretty badly. Southampton had all the possession, and I just couldn't see how we could nick it. I mean, it was Southampton after all - I could understand 30% possession if it were a team of a larger stature. However, as a friend had pointed out to me, this is the type of football we are going to see whoever we play from now until the end of the season. Ugly, defensive football where we hope to make a break with a couple of decent strikers up-front.

Thoughts on the match - for the most part, I thought we were pretty abysmal. Yes we played with the above-mentioned tactics, but we barely strung a couple of passes together. Players seemed to be falling about and struggling with Southampton's very physical style of player. It was scary - especially for the last 6 minutes. And this is what we have to experience for the next few games no doubt. Mbia was lucky not to get sent off, Park was not great apart from his fabulous run against the odds and subsequent assist later in the game. People are saying that they saw passion for the first time, but I am not sure I did. I thought our forwards were very casual for the most part, and lacked a sense of urgency. Credit to Park though, last twenty minutes he showed some fight which I didn't expect, and perhaps that rubbed off on the others. One big positive though - not relying for once on Taraabt or Mackie. So while our win may have much to do with the hands of fortune - not picking those two was a revelation and perhaps changed our fate as much as anything else that day.

After the match, we heard Redknapp dispute some of the claims somewhat, although it is my understanding that the club has not yet made an official announcement or rebuttal about the article on Dubai shenanigans. I am one of those that was pretty quick to believe it - mainly because there are direct quotes, and let's be honest, it's hardly rocket-science to suggest that footballers = partying, booze and women! So most fans were in a pretty cheerful mood about the news and Redknapp's own rebuttal. As for me, I am still worried about the dressing room split. I suppose most big clubs with players from around the world will have their cliques, just like any office or work place. However, in my heart of hearts I wish that we had a Rangers team that really was just that - a team, that bonded and partied and got drunk together. The fractious dressing room is not new news. And this is supported by a fan who saw and met the team whilst on holiday in Dubai. Click here for more info: WATRB. But it's a shame that it's splayed over the Mirror and it makes all of us fans fight and doubt each other. One minute we're freaking out on twitter about it, the next we've just won and all is forgiven...

Oh no...I'm starting to notice that this blog isn't cheerful. Perhaps it is because it's a Monday and we've still got almost a whole week to go before we are back at Loftus Road. Please don't vilify me for making a few more negative observations about the match and the management of the club. As you know from my piece in Indy Rs last week I still have very strong reservations about the way that the club is marketing itself and managing it's external comms, particularly in the space of social media. And to confirm Adam Hulme contacted me very politely today letting me know that the tweet he put out for bloggers to cover social launches was not related to QPR specifically. Hence he has now set up a new Adam Hulme QPR account to make it clear what his tweets are about. Thanks Adam for the email and I really do appreciate it.

I do still feel sorry for those boys though. Poor little lambs, I really think they need some proper marketing help. I am shocked that Fernandes has not planted one of his marketing managers to help given that in Asia the social strategies for his businesses are highly regarded.

People are going to absolutely kill me for not making this blog a happy one, but I can only write what comes from the heart. And while I am so pleased that the Rangers won over the weekend, I am worried that a win will simply mask the other deeper problems we have.

But hey, read me next week after a potential win at home against Sunderland and I'll probably be back to usual form, such is the fickle life and feelings of a fan. And since Santa has well and truly hibernated, I believe that we owe the Easter Bunny a potential letter?

Ideas on a postcard...

You RRRRSssssss

Where did it go wrong for QPR, a Marketing Person's Perspective

Queens Park Rangers 0 Manchester Utd 2

This week's blog post can be found on Independent Rs Review website.

Thanks to the team there for asking me to write the feature.

My QPR and other Animals

Swansea 4 Queens Park Rangers 1

For me, this week has been pretty mammoth as far is life for a QPR fan goes. Within one week, I feel as if I've experienced the ups and downs of whole lifetime, and I write this post with a heavy heart looking back what has happened.

I was fortunate to be asked on to this week's QPR Podcast, episode of 'Lucky Knickers'. Widely considered to be one of the worst or 'crappiest' of episodes it was a fantastic experience to meet QPR  hosts Paul Finney, David Fraser and Chris Charles at the studio bunker in Marylebone. It is true that for that episode, there was little structure, no special guest, and I am not sure the guys realised I thought I was going to be asked about my blog...but we muddled through and I don't think I've ever laughed so much for a long time. I realise I have a very loud laugh so you may have noticed I was trying to hold it back quite a bit. In spite of the lack of structure, I believe that episode is representative of exactly what a football fans podcast is meant to be like: all heart, soul, ramblings - warts and all. I'll admit I did wonder what the hell I was going to say about two 0-0 draws and as was always the fear with writing the blog: I am not a football pundit. I know and love the game, and am a passionate supporter but I can only talk about what I think I understand. A little bit like wine: I know nothing about what makes it good, but I sure do know when I'm drinking a great bottle of the stuff. I'd like to say thank you to the lads for inviting me on it, and hope it wasn't too painful an experience. And without wishing to make the podcast sound better than it really was, I do believe it's important that the QPR Podcast continues to invite a range of different fans from different backgrounds so that other fans can see what an interesting range of people love and support this club. While the hub of QPR is very much about West London and those who do get to go to matches both home and away, not everyone has the chance to do this, and it is possible to have a bond from far away Premier League or no Premier League - and the Melbourne Rs we mentioned on the show is one of those examples.

Another big event for the QPR Fans Forum on Thursday. Being the first forum in 5 years this was a pretty big deal. And unfortunately I was not invited. I am not sure whether a QPR fan blog qualifies me, but I was not hugely disappointed given that I knew there would be plenty of people representing and in all honesty I was ever so slightly suspicious about the potential level of spin and just how controlled an environment that would be. I heard from friends and read on twitter that we had all sorts of questions ranging from the Christmas parties through to what was happening with players like Bosingwa and others who may not be putting in the effort. Interestingly, while the forum itself appeared to be pretty successful with a largely happy contingent of fans leaving with some questions answered and others on hold - to be discussed, another contingent of fans on twitter who were not able to make it appear to have found reason to be concerned about the quality of the questions. It seems that there were fans who felt that questions about what football players were doing for the community or whether the club shop was stocked correctly were irrelevant given the relegation predicament we are in. I must say I did have some sympathy for those comments. Especially as I really felt after the Norwich game that we had really lost our chance of staying up and had run out of luck.

However having been busy all week with various engagements, I finally watched the recording this morning. And while it was funny to hear someone talk about his wife who teaches in a 'Chelsea' school being let down by Faurlin, and it was also amusing to hear Harry admit that Mbia does roll about a bit, I actually felt very much that the forum was exactly what it should have been. It was an opportunity for all fans to be able to tell the club about what mattered to them most, and I could really feel that in the way people were asking questions. I am not saying that fighting relegation is not the most important thing, but as we discussed on the podcast this week, this club is not just about the football. And to raise a good point that Finney made perhaps it's not just a 'football club'. Or perhaps, to put it better, a football club is not just about the football. So while we all have a right to have an opinion about some of the questions, we should also respect that those things happen to be important to them because those are the things that those fans believe represent QPR in the best possible light.

Do I honestly believe that some of the 'to be discussed' options will happen? I don't know. I am not part of the LSA and don't know enough about the history of past meetings between them and the club. But as fans, we must act not only solidly, and in unison but just as business-like as the club itself. It is no good behaving like kids and throwing toys out of a pram when we are angry and things don't go our way. Sometimes, things will mess up and we need to be able to approach each issue in a considered way, with facts and numbers to back ourselves up. And I also believe that while it's a shame that Faurlin did not go to that school we need to be much more realistic about what's going on when it comes to charities and community projects for the club and in the area. I'd like to understand a bit more about what the strategy overall is for the club;  the various charities each player personally supports or even sets up on his own, and how they decide on what the community projects are, or how they raise money for projects like the Tiger Cubs. These are the questions we need to be asking - and we should push them for the business plan they have for these. Because, make no bones about it, charities and community projects are a business in this part of the world and we need to understand exactly what good is being done and what impact it is really having.

Overall conclusion of the forum? It's the first step in an exercise that the club must continue to do more regularly. It was also important that it was streamed live - I understand that 17,000 fans viewed it online so there is an obvious heavy interest in what the club has to say everyone.

So as the week drew to a close, I looked forward to the Swansea trip which was a last minute decision. Being a match that we were on the cards to lose, I was hoping we may cause an upset. And the line of the day was 'don't let 90 minutes ruin a perfectly nice day out.' As we steamed up the motorway the banter in the car was priceless. We discussed everything from what to do if a QPR fan married another QPR fan; they had a baby and both needed to go to the match but could not get a babysitter,  through to what we thought about the Viagogo arrangement with the club. We drove through hail, snow and rain to reach the relatively balmy temperatures of Swansea city. And for the next 90 minutes I don't think I've ever experienced a more miserable away stand. There were no songs, there were fights in the back, there were fights in the toilets, there were programmes thrown in the air within the first 5 minutes, there were people getting thrown out, there were people lighting up cigarettes. And all because we were just so shockingly bad on the pitch that I think everyone just felt it was a step way too far to be in any way enamoured by what we were seeing.

It was awful. We played with no real centre forward to start, and had lined up a very poor midfield in Jenas, Mbia, Derry and Townsend. While individually each player has his skills, this was not the context for them to play together and I am not sure that as a unit they were really meant to fight against the power house of 5 midfielders that Swansea had. I think it killed us, and even if we could claim a clear penalty this is the kind of luck that we can no longer hope or rely on. It was so so depressing coming back, and as we sped down back to West London, it was really hard to find one positive from the day. Nice Swansea fans? Tick. Free coke refills at the local Harvester? Tick. Going to away matches in Brighton next year? maaaaybe tick.

So it is now Sunday and after an evening where I fell off the smoking ladder and smoked 5 cigarettes due to depression, and had a little too much wine to drink, I am now lying in my bed planning a day ahead that aims to be as constructive and positive as ever. I shall be throwing away those cigarettes, going for a run, and I shall cook a lovely meal and catch up on my soaps and crime dramas. Why? Because you can't go on in life feeling sorry for yourself. You must pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on or life simply isn't worth living. And by the same token, QPR is going through some serious s*** right now. But remember, this isn't the first time we've been through this, and we have managed to pick ourselves up and keep coming back. And this time will not be last time we do either. Finney is right when he says the only people who stay loyal to a club are the fans. It is absolutely spot on. And that is why I dedicate this blog to all the fans - even the ones I completely disagree with. Because, as the podcast experience, the fans forum and the trip to Swansea shows: the fact is we do care. No this is not a football club, it's my family and other animals.

Big club, little club

Queens Park Rangers 2 MK Dons 4

Queens Park Rangers 0 Manchester City 0

Queens Park Rangers 0 Norwich City 0

Last night I experienced what can only be described as severe QPR depression. For the first time in a long time, I could not think positively about the club for more than a minute. Even for the whole of last season I did not feel this way. It was a hopeless feeling. When I got home, I resorted to making lasagne to keep my mind occupied, opening a bottle of red to attempt to drown my sorrows and then switching to Splash and The Following on TV to attempt to compartmentalise my feelings.

Why did I feel this way? QPR are still bottom of the table. Truth is, we would have been even if we had won yesterday. QPR are still unbeaten in the league this year. Truth is, we were thrashed by MK Dons so I still think there is a problem. And we've just signed ourselves a fantastic central defender in Chris Samba. Truth is, I am still nervous about the decisions being made by the board.

Because our season start was so bad, and the positive momentum has come too late, yesterday's draw felt as bad as a loss for me. Taarabt not scoring the penalty didn't help. It felt as if we were doomed even if a little bit of luck tried to shine upon us. And now, given that the clubs around us are winning and pulling away, I really must honestly come to terms with the possibility that we are doing down. Yes I know that before Christmas I had written that I had already resigned myself. But I suppose our win against Chelsea and the QPR PR strategy has provided me with a false sense of security. And frankly I am a little angry that I have allowed myself to be carried away with this tide of spin.

Yet again, last Thursday we found ourselves getting sucked in to transfer deadline day. We enjoyed poking fun at Odemwingie, and revelled at the envy of other clubs when we signed Samba - following on from our Remy buy a few weeks earlier. And while I think they were good buys- and according to Fernandes we can afford them - I honestly wonder whether we are now thinking too short term vs. long term. Is all this change yet again really good for our club and it's own heart? Fernandes, as the face of the club, obviously has his charms in persuading players to join us but the money is not all his and big decisions are obviously being made by the shareholders. Yes, some of these are risky but I do believe that they have probably done their sums. So, I don't think this is going to be another Pompey situation- at least not quite so quickly. But I do worry about what QPR stands for, and what all these events do to the personality of our club which means so much to so many people.

This week's QPR Podcast featured a great song by Owen Parker called 'Because we're Queens Park Rangers' which you can listen to here: Because we're Queens Park Rangers. I think all QPR fans can relate to the lyrics. In his dulcet David Greyish tones he sings:

I can take the constant disappointment

Guns in the boardroom

Anglo-Chinese diplomatic situation

I can take Tango & Cash

Monaco-based banks

Striker after striker

Drawing blanks

But what makes me sick

Is when you put on that shirt

And don't give a s**

Collect your cash

Speed home metal to metal

Then spend all evening polishing your Champions League medal...

(copyright Owen Parker)

His lyrics, and the staccato style in which he sings the punchy verses, are reflective of what is now becoming the paradoxical monotony of controversial events that surround our club. And while we can all laugh at the song's humour in my depressed QPR state, I wonder whether it would just be nice to go back to being a fairly middling Championship or League One club. Then again, half of the events he describes happened before we were even promoted to the Premier League. So are we simply a club doomed because of the simple fact that we are a London based club that exists in a prime area of London which will always be of great interest to investors and people with money?

I have often written about the fact that what makes QPR special is the fact that it is by and large a family club, with a family atmosphere. I suppose that as fans, we have always assumed that a family club means a small club. After all, how can an atmosphere or an organisation be intimate, like a family, if it is so big? Tony Fernandes said something interesting in that Telegraph interview: 'We, QPR, have to move out of the small club syndrome and for constant security have to build a bigger stadium, a better infrastructure.' I can imagine there will be some QPR fans who will argue with this. After-all, we are small club aren't we? isn't that the reality? We aren't a West Ham that can easily pull in 30K+ people for Championship matches, it wasn't so long ago when we struggled to get 13K to the ground even though we were a fairly decent Championship team. Last week even saw a bit of debate between fans on twitter as to the number of 'hardcore' QPR fans, based in London, outside and abroad...Ranging from 15,000 to 60,000....Still, neither of these numbers come even close the other big global brands that have been doing this 'international expansion' thing for years. 

On the other hand, we don't really have a chance in Premier League football if we do not make some big decisions. I think that we probably didn't have to make so many ridiculous signings last January nor last summer - other clubs who were 'on paper' worse than us did not and have been able to nurture their squads more organically. But because we have started down that road, we're a bit stuck and probably don't have a choice to be proceed as we started. Fernandes said that 'We inherited a squad where every single player who has left is no longer playing in the Premier League, doesn’t that say something?' But I would also argue that I am not sure that many of the Premier League players we have acquired have a future in the Premier League either!!! 

Whichever way I turn I feel bewildered by it all. But what I can say for sure is that recent history has shown us that this level of instability has done us little good. Will it help us to survive? Unlikely, but maybe. And even if we do survive, how many more players do we bring in this summer to start the cycle all over again? I am so afraid that we keep working on the roof when we haven't even finished on the foundations of the house. So...perhaps relegation will actually do us some good? Yes, we're going to lose our on a shed load of money and we're going to lose some big players. But maybe we'll get a semblance of our old club back and we can start looking at our Youth Team again for talents like Ehmer, Harriman and Doughty. 

Do I care if we become a big club or a stay a little club? Not really. I believe families can still be big and loving, and by the same token our club can still be a family club even if we expand. But frankly we're no where near close to that stage yet and I think we can cross that bridge when we come to it. 

Two tales from two QPR women

West Bromwich Albion 0 Queens Park Rangers 1

West Ham Utd 1 Queens Park Rangers 1

One week ago, temperatures began to plummet and QPR fans had written off the possibility of an FA Cup run with the prospect of WBA away. Today, we have had three days of snow with more to come and QPR are in the fourth round of the FA cup (something to be celebrated at a club that isn't exactly blessed with a plethora of trophies). However, we still sit at the bottom of the table, and as time goes on I just wonder whether we will really make it. It certainly is strange sitting at the bottom and not actually feeling like we are, as performances so far in 2013 have been pretty good - bar the 2nd half against West Ham yesterday. 

Yesterday I was invited by a friend to sit within the hardcore season ticket holder section of famous Upton Park. It was a challenge I had to accept given he had sat with me in the Upper Loft when we played West Ham earlier in the season. And I must say I was nervous and excited, as well as conscious of the fact that I had been pretty upset about the Spurs fan sitting behind me last week who couldn't keep his mouth shut. I had an interesting experience. 

Last Wednesday my mate @gemcricketmad went to the FA cup replay between Arsenal and Swansea, and had an interesting experience there too. I've asked her if she can write about what it's like to experience a match where neither team is one you support. 

So here's a blog about experiences other than a typical QPR one...a tough gig for two QPR-obsessed women. 

QPR fans in hiding

http://houston.theoffside.com/team-news/are-you-dallas-in-disguise.html

The Ultimate Betrayal 

by @gemcricketmad

On a freezing Wednesday evening last week, I accepted an invitation to accompany a ST holding friend to the Emirates to watch Arsenal play host to Swansea in their FA cup replay. Now for me, any opportunity to avoid kids bedtime, drink beer and watch football is one to be jumped at, especially on the back of having watched my beloved QPR booking their place against the MK Dons in the next round.

So I jumped in a cab, running late and not wanting to miss a quick trip to the bar before the ridiculously early 7.30 KO, urged my driver to get to The Emirates as quickly as possible. He, being a Gooner immediately wanted to talk teams and to my horror, it dawned on me that he actually thought I was an Arsenal fan. I promptly put him straight and so began the dawning realisation of what I had let myself in for.

On Tuesday this week, it will be the 30th Anniversary of my first football match, Crystal Palace v QPR where my poor father tried and failed along with a whole gang of Palace ST holders to convince me, the tiny lone QPR fan, that she was supporting the wrong team. I stood and cheered alone as we won 3-0, having no fear as the horrified around me could only look at my father in dismay as their team was thrashed. I never looked back.

On Wednesday evening I realised that I had never in my life, been to a football match where I wasn’t watching QPR and as I approached the Emirates I started to feel slightly sick.

Having met my friend, I walked down the streets feeling like a foreign spy dropped in behind enemy lines. Surely everyone would know that I was a QPR fan? I half expected a sudden shout and then a mob to round on me and hound me back to Loftus Road. Funnily enough the Gooner fans just aren’t like that. Immediately, I felt hugely defensive of my adored QPR and started to compare every minute detail of the experience, from the glitzy turnstiles to the more expensive beer, the substandard bar experience, the far too many stairs to climb and the positively silent fans (who do all leave far too early in true fire drill style).

And so to the game; perched high up facing the clock tower, I felt a million miles from the pitch. It was useful for spotting offsides, but that was about it. There was none of the buzz and noise I had felt in the away end on previous visits and as I stared at the friendly but passionless fans around me who remained firmly rooted to their seats throughout, I felt like I should have brought a book to read as I could have heard a pin drop. As I weakly tried to join in with the occasional and highly original “Arsenal Arsenal” chants (I promised my 10 yr old I would) I longed for our Blue flag songs and Loft full of QPR Managers.

I declared to my friend that I had just realised, that to feel nothing at a match, no stress, no desire and no passion and indeed not to care when the goal went in was the most bizarre and unrewarding feeling on earth; but to my amazement, she leaned over and whispered “I don’t actually feel it either – I’m really a Bristol Rovers fan.”

At that moment I knew I had betrayed my beloved team. Despite a lovely beer in a distant Islington pub afterwards, I knew I could never stray from QPR again and will only ever go back to The Emirates parked firmly in the away end.

In disguise

by @elmodedude

It was a long trek to the other side of London, and with the northern end of the Jubilee line down again everything was just that little bit more of a pain. I had never been to Upton Park before, so experiencing it, especially as a 'home fan' was definitely like jumping in to a fire. It was painful to leave home not wearing any colours  - not even a scarf (note to self, must buy QPR pants for occasions such as these). Before heading for the actual stadium we met a group of friends at a fantastic Keralan restaurant in East Ham (foodies, you can find info on this place here: Thattukada). This is a side of London I am entirely unfamiliar with, and going out there reminded me of one of the reasons why my football passion has been so enjoyable - as it has taken me to all sorts of places around the country and on the other side of town. Just walking around a place, from train station/tube to ground, you get a real sense of the recent history and what sort of community you might expect at the football club. 

After a quick lunch and a hop skip and jump back to Upton Park, we were straight in to the Bobby Moore stand. I think I kept my side of the deal by remaining motionless and quiet throughout the match, at least in the first half anyway. In the second half I was able to groan a lot more because all those West Ham attempts on goal from crosses allowed the whole ground to moan and groan in exactly the same way: West Ham fans through frustration, and QPR fans in fear: altogether in one big sense of agony. I thought I was doing really well as there wasn't a peep from me when Remy scored (absolute boundless joy and excitement inside and of course I quickly texted my father and Gemma to let them know about my boundless joy and excitement). I could understand why in the Bobby Moore stand exposing myself in any way as a QPR fan wasn't a good idea, in comparison with that Spurs fan sitting behind me at South Africa Road. I suppose now I know why they call SAR the pensioners stand because we're all fairly polite and PC there. From behind me I could hear all sorts of things I am not sure I should repeat on the blog so in the interests of safety I won't. But I was surprised to be hearing things like that in this day and age. I did think to myself, perhaps it's a different generation, but then how would I explain the SAR pensioners?

While we were lucky not to be 1-0 down in the first half as opposed to 0-1 up, I was pleased with our performance. I started to get excited about the way Taarabt and Remy linked up together, but I knew that West Ham would come in to the second half fighting. It felt like we had collapsed in the second half, and I was not entirely sure whether the substitutions were right,  but given that we managed to keep ourselves level perhaps they were after all?

At this stage, I was looking at my phone quite often. That's when a guy next to me shouted 'Hey, are you a QPR fan?' I realised then that he had noticed the crest that is on my phone wallpaper. I looked at my friend in fear, and he had his head in his hands, embarrassed at this turn of events. I said, 'oops, sorry' and the response was 'Just make sure you don't let any of the lads behind you know.' I realised there and then, that even if I try to hide the fact that I am a QPR fan I simply can't. Not only in my words and thoughts, but it's right down to my phone wallpaper and ring tone. This obsession is now reaching silly levels. For example, I had guests over the other night for dinner, they complimented my on my newly refurbished bathroom 'It's like a posh hotel bathroom,' they said, but they weren't sure about the 'Proud of be a Super Hoop' flag stuck to the mirror. 

So, the second half was a real a defensive debacle. If I were a West Ham fan I'd be very disappointed it wasn't a 3 or 4-1 win.  Interestingly when Joe Cole scored his goal the guy next to me tried to get me up to pretend I was excited about the goal. I just couldn't bring myself to do it, and when I watched his movements in detail I realised that he was faking it (hand and arm movements all too stilted, and not proper jumping up and down). This was confirmed when he sat back down and said 'Come on, you should at least try to pretend you are happy.' He and his friend also left 5 minutes early. I understood from my friend that they weren't regulars. 

It was a twenty minute walk to Canning Town. We avoided the massive crowd at Upton Park tube and passed a few traditional pie shops which I have pinpointed as eating venues if there is a next time next season...And we passed the famous 'The Champions' sculpture, very much the pride of West Ham fans. 

Like Gemma, my cab from West Hampstead tube to home had me chatting to another football fan - this time a West Ham fan who growled when I told him I was of QPR ilk. 

Unlike Gemma's experience though, I could see that West Ham hadn't yet lost it's soul in the way that Arsenal has at the Emirates. It's a big club, unlike QPR, with plenty to its history in comparison. Fans are aggressive and passionate - I respect that. But QPR's 'smallness' is also the reason why I love it so much. Our ground holds half the people that Upton Park does, and everybody really does know everyone. I stand by the fact that we are a a unique family club and I really hope that it stays that way. 

Will Remy learn this about our club, and do we believe after all these years Taarabt has a sense of it? I hope so. 

Have a wonderful remainder of the weekend everybody!

You RRRRRRSsssss